Recent Comments

  • by: Standing - 36 min 39 sec ago
    I have heard this:  "I was only kidding", "Can't you tell I was just trying to add some HUMOR?" This is one of those things that strikes me as passive aggression. Such remarks usually hit me out of the blue, by total surprise, while I'm going about my business. It's like i am annoying him at those moments, for reasons known only to him. Or maybe it is the only way he knows to get my attention? Strange. I'll pay more attention to the context of them next time. (Not that there is ever any context. Hahaha)...
    >>> on Forum topic - responding to sarcasm

  • by: Standing - 1 hour 3 min ago
    This is where i meant to post when i returned, then got sidetracked. Imagine that :). Another day full of impulsive spending and random musings and i forgot where i was gonna post.  Today i forgot my self imposed restriction on commenting negatively about one of his business purchases. Shame on me. Still trying to unclench my jaw from his ranting reaction. I disagreed with him and he accused me of ignoring what he had said. See there? If i had really listened, then i surely would have agreed. Why must i...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying

  • by: Standing - 1 hour 13 min ago
    Doesn't empathy stop us from doing and saying some things, because we don't want to cause pain? And our ability to look ahead and visualize the end result of our choices and actions is what prevents us from making some awful errors? Without that empathy and foresight, what's left to instruct in a better way to relate?  I don't feel that I can pick up and leave, either. Actually, I am not sure it would have much impact on him if i did. Maybe that's what really bothers me. Not sure, but it's something to...
    >>> on Forum topic - REALLY???

  • by: dedelight4 - 1 hour 44 min ago
    I've been feeling the same way. I've been drowning in a laundry list of things I "shouldn't do" so that my under-treated ADHD husband can get better. But, what's been happening instead of him getting better, I've been getting worse. The separation of emotions and working on not letting his nasty comments "get to me", has been making ME numb, and doing NOTHING for him. He hasn't changed, he hasn't gotten any better.He's mentioned a couple of times about going to counseling, but I've had to cancel two...
    >>> on Forum topic - REALLY???

  • by: dedelight4 - 1 hour 53 min ago
    I have to agree. amen to that
    >>> on Forum topic - REALLY???

  • by: esb - 2 hours 35 min ago
    You must set the boundaries that make you comfortable.  There is no excuse for unacceptable behavior.  I think that the books are telling you that nagging and being resentful won't work to change your ADHD partner, only THEY can make the decision to change.  If you set boundaries, your partner breaks them, and you let it go then you are not doing your partner any favors.  You are enabling them to stay the way they are.  If you set boundaries, your partner breaks them, and then suffers the consequences......
    >>> on Forum topic - REALLY???

  • by: Standing - 2 hours 36 min ago
    :) I will remember your counsel, cotu, thanks again!
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying

  • by: esb - 2 hours 44 min ago
    I have a spouse who is in recovery from alcohol addiction in addition to having ADHD, both creating different and difficult personality issues.  I posted earlier about his losing several jobs and we have been married for 10 years with 3 children.  In a support group I belong to we try to "detach with love". This means that I am supportive of my husband, but I am not invested in the outcome of his actions.  I have boundaries in place to help me protect myself.  If he is in a terrible mood I let him know...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying

  • by: perfectstorm5 - 2 hours 59 min ago
    Thanks, dedelight4.  It sounds like your husband uses the comments in a similar way...just to get a dig in. I can't believe that the reason my husband does this is only because he has ADHD. It seems like the sarcasm has such a detrimental effect on our ability to trust what they say.  Sometimes when I guess wrongly, and my husband isn't actually being sarcastic, he acts so insulted that I would ever assume that he was. Ever since I told him that I plan to leave, he has told me over and over that my "bad...
    >>> on Forum topic - responding to sarcasm

  • by: redhead1017 - 3 hours 56 min ago
    That's pretty much how I have been handling it - just kind of "that's nice!" and move on. Trouble is he wants to talk about these things for hours, and then I get swept up in the "what if?" of it all, maybe thinking I don't have to work two jobs to make ends meet. But then the mood passes and he's on to the next big thing. Just this week, he's gone from Disney Imagineer to civil engineer to comic book store to insurance agent to product management. It's giving me whiplash! If I counted up the hundreds of...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do you handle the constant stream of ideas?

  • by: cotu - 3 hours 57 min ago
    Your very welcome. Stay strong and true to yourself. Take control of your own life you cant fix his. Stand up for what is yours.Obvioulsy , your an intelligent, caring woman, he who puts others down to build themselves up is just being a bully. Its sad  as bullies are coming from a place of fear...however, not your making.  Our children are adults but they still need the matriarch and the happier, healthier and successful we are makes for a much stronger and meaningful family life. I am woman hear me roar...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying

  • by: dedelight4 - 5 hours 25 min ago
    Perfectstorm5, I wish I had some answers for you on this subject, but I'm still learning how to deal with this also. My husband can give some pretty nasty comments, but then tell me "I was only kidding", "Can't you tell I was just trying to add some HUMOR?" but, the "humor" as he calls it, doesn't SOUND like humor any more. It sounds more like barbs, or snide comments than is does "humor". I tried to talk this over with him recently, but he put it back on MY shoulders to "You've got to help me out with...
    >>> on Forum topic - responding to sarcasm

  • by: Standing - 5 hours 28 min ago
    so I generally don't. In fact, I try my best to block it out and ignore it, whenever and wherever it presents itself. Lately I've noticed that there's an awful lot of stuff that I've blocked out and avoided. I only posted about it here in an attempt to get it out into the open in the one place that felt safe, where nobody will think less of my husband because I "told". In this way, I hope to not carry the burden any longer. Seems to me that I have been ashamed FOR him, not Of him, and enough's enough.   I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hygiene,smell, hoarding

  • by: dedelight4 - 5 hours 31 min ago
    Hope to Peace. Thanks you for what you posted, and I apologize as well. I had a couple of very bad weeks leading up to the night I posted that, and I'm sorry that I came across harshly. My husband has been sick in bed for over 3 weeks now, which is an ETERNITY for his overly hyperactive ADHD. He has also been having me running back and forth getting him things while I am watching my 4 year old granddaughter, AND living in severe back and leg pain, which makes walking such a difficulty. I wish I could...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do you handle anniversaries?

  • by: c ur self - 6 hours 35 min ago
    My wife has dry skin also, uses a lot of lotion, and she can't stand to have anything on her skin...always picks it until it bleeds...I have to make her leave me alone if she see's a bite mark or anything on me...It just blows my mind how so many traits can be so closely linked for people...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hygiene,smell, hoarding

  • by: c ur self - 6 hours 48 min ago
    I handled this all wrong so I wouldn't be much help to you...I'm not sure there's an easy way...Just be glad you're not a man telling it to your wife...I just tried saying it...Hey I noticed you haven't showered in few days and you smell a little sour...Do you believe she had the Gaul to with hold sex from me :) I suggest you just set down with him and say hey dear husband, let's discuss this issue I have and see if we can't find some common ground...Remember it's your issue, he's fine with it just like it...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hygiene,smell, hoarding

  • by: dedelight4 - 6 hours 57 min ago
    Just plain....WOW. I feel exactly the same way. I have changed so many things within myself to try to communicate better with my ADHD husband. He has done only very small changes, but expects LARGE praises for them. It's hard for me to abide by an huge laundry list of things to do for him, but seemingly he has TWO things.....take his meds, and go to behavior therapy sessions. (he's only taking meds, I've already had to cancel 2 therapy appoints for him and us because he was "too sick to go") So, I can't...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying

  • by: ladyflower10 - 8 hours 41 min ago
    Like so many other things, it can be part of the ADHD, but also could be his personality. My husband (non ADHD) tells little white lies all the time. Stupid things really, like telling me he paid less for something (when a few bucks really makes no difference to me), why he is running late from work (saying traffic vs. the real reason that he was BS'ing with a buddy), etc. My husband used to accuse me of lying all the time before I was diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years he has realized that I'm not lying...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is lying part of adult ADHD? Or a separate issue?

  • by: Rosered - 10 hours 14 min ago
    Short answer:  yes, he needs to figure things out.  You're a very good person.  I think you need some distance from this person until he does figure things out.
    >>> on Forum topic - PLEASE help me put this into the proper perspective

  • by: Standing - 11 hours 38 min ago
    "The mean and nasty is a ploy to take away from the actions."      Indeed!   He can think I'm the ass for questioning, all day long, but that does not force me to roll over and play dead like a helpless victim of his whims. And it does not force me to behave like an ass, either. I've spent so much time with him since he started this business that I've become like a sponge for his nonsense. Counseling and this forum are helping me to remember who I am, and I am not the dull-thinking, uncreative, plodding...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why Keep Trying