Recent Comments

  • by: JJamieson - 12 min 45 sec ago
    This is such a huge mistake in thinking and to say in those moments.  period!  lol I used to say these exact words when I was kid....but I stopped saying this out loud long before I was an adult.  That's not to say that someone who says it is still being like a child , but I think it does pinpoint (possibly) right where they have left off in their own thinking about their ability to change even if they don't realize it.  It will come out in those moments that are the same ones they said it as a child...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: JJamieson - 59 min 30 sec ago
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: AlmaVera - 3 hours 47 min ago
    J -- I think you explained the mechanics of how and why this happens very well. It makes a lot of sense. I know that in my own situation, dealing with the effects of these things on the receiving end, I can understand what's going on and why. I can do my very best to not take it personally. I can express my feelings about how it's affecting me in just the way you suggested (I have, in fact)....BUT when you receive a response of "Well, this is just how I am," period...then it is personal. It should matter...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: Geese - 5 hours 5 min ago
    Hi Momof2, your posts have been eye opening. The first I've seen here of troubles due to an Adhd female partner. I think this is important because it seems to me that the terms adhd spouse and adhd husband are synonymous. People need to know there is an issue that transcends gender. How are things going these days? Why I have more time will check other more recent posts from you for an update. ☺
    >>> on Blog entry - Urgent Feelings Expressed the Wrong Way Just Make Things Worse - A Common Problem

  • by: JJamieson - 5 hours 26 min ago
    I had some time to think about what you and so many of the non spouses here are saying in that their ADHD spouse (usually husbands in this case ) seem eternally stuck or entrenched into this thinking that they don't feel the need to change or do anything about their ADHD parts that are affecting and hurting you.  I also was thinking about Melissa's own story and her husband  and how they almost separated and called it quits before they could come to some kind of understanding and a way to effect real...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: Geese - 6 hours 34 min ago
    Thanks for the feel good post Kaycee. It's been a rough 36 hours at home. I feel like despite being consumed with trying to "unadhd" every action or response I make, the results have not been positive. Thia despite my awkward attempts to be sensitive and communicative. Thanks for recognizing the change in attitude. I think the drugs are 50% of the effort there and the other half is a commitment to myself not to consider taking myself out as an option no matter how much it might seem like the logical...
    >>> on Forum topic - A difficult afternoon at home

  • by: Standing - 9 hours 11 min ago
    Dvance, for me, acceptance has meant - growing up. Now that I am divorced, by ex's choice, I am beginning to see how many of the choices I made during our marriage effectively erased the ILLUSION that we were a team. You see, I stopped expecting him to care whether or not I was able to do any of the things that I valued... because I knew that he did not care. He only cared that I was valuing HIS important things and sacrificing myself for those. This could have continued indefinitely, if not for the...
    >>> on Forum topic - acceptance vs giving up/resigned

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 14 min ago
    ...of your husband is.....the very thing I was saying is getting extended onto you but he doesn't see that it's coming from him in the first place. ( the wounds and poking at them).  Unfortunately, this does seem how these things work sometimes and it possibly confirms  what I was saying.  He doesn't or can't see his part in this and only see's the part that is affecting him....and probably still doesn't understand why himself?  What you described in how you feel is probably something close to what he is...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: on the edge - 1 day 2 hours ago
    I think there's a difference between you and my ADD-husband. He knows he has ADD and he takes meds and he goes to therapy. But he either doesn't see a need to change or doesn't want to change. You seem more than willing to figure out ways to work around it. Using your bridge analogy, I feel that your bridge might be out but you are digging a tunnel or maybe looking into ferry service or something else in order to get to the other side. My husband expected me to dig and find ways to work around his ADD. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 2 hours ago
    I am sorry that you are left feeling the way you do and the one thing that I cannot help you with is the years of regret.  That is something only you can resolve for yourself.  I agree with what you are saying about the rules....or do's and don'ts for those of us who have ADHD in learning how to treat our spouses and other people better and learning to be more compassionate and less self absorbed.  I also think this article was much better presented than the first one for this reason alone..... As I read...
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 9 hours ago
    (My husband feels no need to help lessen the load on me and it seems as if his interest is everything but our household.)  As I read your post this statement jumped out at me as key...Most posts on this forum usually have one or more...Based on your comment it seems obvious to me you are dealing with a very tough and tiring situation...Not un-like many who post here...I understand your comment above....My spouses interests range from having fun with grown children and grandchildren, to young co-workers...
    >>> on Forum topic - Only one trying to save my marriage

  • by: kaycee_michelle - 1 day 10 hours ago
    a whole lot with OverwhelmedWife that is definitely helpful because it is soooo true. However, have you had this conversation with your wife (when she is not angry of course) sometimes we get so focused on what you're not doing/say/following through with that we don't see the good you ARE doing. It glares at us so much it usually ends up outweighing what has been/still may be lacking. On top of that we may undermine the progress you've been making without meaning to because we are still trying to fight our...
    >>> on Forum topic - A difficult afternoon at home

  • by: Geese - 1 day 11 hours ago
    There is a chronic, debilitating set of symptoms that don't go away that makes us handle things the way we do. I wish I can blame my parents or teachers but they actually all did a great job. The problems in the way I convert knowledge to action. Now your husband and I will use medicine and external cues to help mimic the processes that happen naturally in your head, but the problem is that there will never be a stage where all of this doesn't make us look like complete idiots, children, unrespectable...
    >>> on Forum topic - A difficult afternoon at home

  • by: kaycee_michelle - 1 day 11 hours ago
    You know I have been upset my ADHD hubs has spent (at least that I know of) over 5 grand on his sports car this year alone. Without asking/telling/consulting with me etc. HOWEVER MIRACULOUSLY which I can honestly only give credit to answered prayers as he is unmedicated also... he just sold it this week (to his mom~it was her fathers). On top of that he admitted how he put it before me/us and didn't ever ask my opinion/consult before spending etc. I was shocked, amazed that he has realized his unhealthy...
    >>> on Forum topic - His car seems more important than us...

  • by: OverwhelmedWife - 1 day 19 hours ago
    >>>> One reason I feel lonely or insignificant is that I know she would never treat someone else this way, she'd give them her undivided attention.  How do I get around this behavior?   >>>   I'm sure she has treated many people that way.  Sounds like she's inattentive.  Well, if she is, she's not only inattentive to you.     Why are you trying to talk to her when she's watching TV or on her computer?  If she's watching TV, and there is a Dvr, then ask her to pause.  ...then talk...
    >>> on Forum topic - Pretending to pay attention

  • by: Berlie66 - 1 day 20 hours ago
    Has anyone ever noticed the worse mood their spouse is in everytime they come from a psychiatry appointment??
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: OverwhelmedWife - 1 day 20 hours ago
    Do you live in a state or country where child support would be garnished from his wages?   I would keep track (detailed track) of the fact that as soon as he gets paid, he puts the money towards his car.   You need those records.     If you live in an area where an attorney could use those records to demonstrate that you need child support garnished from his wages (before he has a chance to spend it), then do so.   In a divorce, since all you seem to have is a pricey car and a big debt, then he'd be...
    >>> on Forum topic - His car seems more important than us...

  • by: OverwhelmedWife - 1 day 20 hours ago
    >>> angry insulting and belittling wife I thought miraculously went away since I started treatment.  >>>>     Your wife is harboring anger that has built up over YEARS, so small improvements over the past week aren't likely going to sweep those angry feelings away.   Plus, your wife doesn't yet believe that ADHD exists.  She likely believes that it's just laziness or self centeredness or that you were raised poorly.    Well, some of that may be true, but it may also be a symptom...
    >>> on Forum topic - A difficult afternoon at home

  • by: Geese - 1 day 21 hours ago
    I only meet the therapist once a month so will keep a record of the good and bad and present then. The key advice I would give anyone with adhd that they are trying to treat is to not let themselves get beat up emotionally over pitfalls like this. I really feel that the attitude my wife had today was due to her feeling that our family's hardships were the fault of they way I have been in the past. She is mostly right about that. But I can't go back and change things (or I would do so! ). All I can do is...
    >>> on Forum topic - A difficult afternoon at home

  • by: Geese - 1 day 22 hours ago
    Yeah I think journalists often simplify complexity by replacing hard to understand conepts with emotional drivel designed to make readers look at the ads in the publication/website... Lol
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD spouses: What do you think of this article?