Recent Comments

  • by: sosickofit - 33 min 12 sec ago
    realizing I missed some of what you said.  I am trying to read everything, I want to read everything, but I sometimes have to put it down to do stuff and come back to your posts.   Ok, this post almost made me cry because you took so much time to explain to me what I needed desperately to hear.  The truth.  There is so much truth to what you have said.  Immediately, when he told me he was dx with ADHD, I felt like I understood everything.  This is exactly what he said with T today "The rest of his...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: sosickofit - 59 min 17 sec ago
    ....with this statement. "empathy is a requirement demanded from you if you have a Narcissist for a parent".  I was raised by two parents, neither of whom were narcissists or had any tendencies toward self centered behavior, and sacrificed everything personally, but I had siblings.  I learned from 2 parents with 4 children that you needed to understand why it was not ok to feed your sister a "mud pie" from the sandbox.  Empathy is a critical tool for developing the capacity to understanding others.  I feel...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • re:
    by: Matt23 - 1 hour 49 min ago
    I was the adhd husband and I lost my marriage of 8 years this summer, and honestly it was probably for the best since she has Bordlerline, and became pretty negative a lot. But it still really really hurts, even though it's been 6 months since. I'm 34 and I have a chance to remarry still, but if you've been there for 22 years, your guy will feel hopeless and be utterly devastated if you leave him. If that's what needs to be done, then that is what needs to be done and he'll have to accept that. But I'd...
    >>> on Forum topic - Can I fall in love with him again?

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 2 hours 25 min ago
    Yes!  And your experience is likely what most kids experienced.  I'm just wondering why my H would only grudgingly shake the others hand, and would be a terrible loser for the next 24 hours.    And...once he was out of organized sports, and was only playing golf, tennis, and racquetball for leisure (no coach), when H would lose, he'd be a terrible sport, rude to the winners, and worse.  In fact, when he'd play his fomer roommate in a game of tennis, if H lost, he'd throw his racquet, call his roomie...
    >>> on Forum topic - The Marble Game

  • by: JJamieson - 4 hours 50 min ago
    recalling events differently. I do know this one and is one my wife has trouble with.  First....yes, I have been in therapy for a long time....without adding, coming up on 15 years now.  I'm so use to saying 10 that times goes by and I forget to keep track.  And yes...we are in therapy together now.  Both of us agreed to this easily.  My wife is also in social work but on the delegating end.  She's a coordinator for providers and does work with client with IDD (case manager)...but her function is not to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: JJamieson - 5 hours 56 min ago
    When I wrote this....I was picturing my own experience from playing baseball and what I learned from it?
    >>> on Forum topic - The Marble Game

  • by: JJamieson - 6 hours 8 min ago
    It's having everything is shoved back into your face and then some.  It's more actively aggressive and damaging than passively ignoring.  This is actively abusive...the other might be considered neglect.  There is really a big difference but neither are good. Character assassination, projection, etc..  It's hard not to take being attacked in this way constantly should take it personally.  There would be something wrong if you didn't.
    >>> on Forum topic - Personalizing husband's rejection

  • by: sosickofit - 6 hours 49 min ago
    So, I haven't read your other response yet.  Because you conveyed SO much amazing insight in this post, I want to respond before I lose my thoughts.  I wanted to say that sickofit was populated because I went on a blog for stepchildren.  We are not married, but he has a daughter who is pretty selfish and inconsiderate and creates a lot of problems.  I was looking for help with those issues as well.  It kinda described how I was feeling about the issues with my partner, but probably isn't the best...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: JJamieson - 7 hours 36 min ago
    Ugh!!!!!  My sentiments exactly! I love Christmas.....for about 3 or 4 hours tops!  My favorite part is in knowing that it will be 364 days before I have to do this again. lol It's the stress!!   Unfulfilled expectations and disappoints, increased responsibilities, increased expectations,increased work, increased apprehension and anxieties,increased shopping and fighting for parking spaces, increased intake of food and beverages, decrease in sleep, disruption of schedules and routines and an immovable...
    >>> on Forum topic - Blended Families and the Holidays

  • by: JJamieson - 8 hours 51 min ago
    Thanks for giving me the run down.  I think I see some things here that might help you see what he is saying.  I'm using myself here and the times I can see myself doing the same thing.  Back up to......Almost immediately, I began to see real challenges with expectations.  I realized very quickly that I would bear the primary responsibility for nearly the house (he had a philosophical problem with cleaning services), doing the shopping, laundry, yard work, name it.   (...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: LindaLou - 10 hours 26 min ago
    All of these children are grown. His children are 42 ( lives locally, married with husband and 2 HS age children) and son, 28, new atty in city 14 hours away.  Mine, 29 and 26 both living away with boyfriends, working on careers.  His children have knowledge of all of our marriage strife - he uses his daughter as his "counselor" and she talks to her brother.  My children haven't been aware of our marriage issues because I don't share our marriage issues with them.  They are quite fond of my husband, their...
    >>> on Forum topic - Blended Families and the Holidays

  • by: JJamieson - 11 hours 34 min ago
    Yes...Thank you for responding to this.  I could have easily said..."would you describe how you feel..or how you felt...when you came up with your handle "So sick of it" as well.  I think when it comes to really being able to express how you really feel with your partner and it has gotten to the point where you are considering all alternatives including not being together....I can say for myself at the very least....sometimes it becomes easier to stop communicating your feelings and keep them bottled up or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 14 hours 4 min ago
    <<< In a "real" games of sportsmanship or in sports in general.  Nearly anyone who has come from that background knows the rules and the expectations that are considered "good sportsmanship".  This is absolutely taught from the first time you enter competition in any organized sporting activity you can think of male or female.  When you are taught to shake the opponents hand and congratulate them for beating you.  In the moment....your heart may be sinking and your self esteem is as...
    >>> on Forum topic - The Marble Game

  • by: ChrisChris - 15 hours 50 min ago
    How do others deal with being ignored and not take it personally?  We don't deal. We can't. Only rocks and reptiles don't take things personally.
    >>> on Forum topic - Personalizing husband's rejection

  • by: ChrisChris - 15 hours 54 min ago
    I have to ask this: Why are you still with him? Why?
    >>> on Forum topic - Growing up

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 1 day 2 hours ago
    Ugh!  The holidays are a very stressful time for many families, and particularly for the women who are (mostly) in charge of making things happen. I'm not sure how I feel about your access to your husband's phone because, quite frankly, I have gotten onto my husband's electronics at times and found things that were important to me.  On the other hand, I do appreciate that though he is very capable of it, he isn't snooping around in my email (nothing there to find of interest, but the trust and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Blended Families and the Holidays

  • by: sosickofit - 1 day 3 hours ago
    J, I first want to say that I was moved by your post, mostly by the fact that you care enough to try and understand and make sense of the dynamics of what may be happening.  I hope I can answer your questions and be helpful.  If you need clarification, please post back. I will go back a the beginning when my fiance and did not live together and were dating for two years, there were no issues.  Life was wonderful!  I thought for certain that I would marry this man so I moved myself and my...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: sosickofit - 1 day 4 hours ago
    J,  I was deeply moved by your post and I am thinking about all of the things you said and asked and will respond separately.  I would be more than happy to clarify my comments.  Can you please clarify which sentence you are referring to here: "I would very much appreciate you explaining this last sentence to me (and John) to hear it in your own words.  I think these are the words that are not being said or expressed but exist in this stark reality of truth.  Since your comment was so well thought...
    >>> on Forum topic - Cycle of anger and low self-esteem - How to break?

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 1 day 5 hours ago
    Hello LindaLou, I am now rewriting my response.  I had such a wonderful reply, and then somehow I hit a wrong key on my keyboard, and it all disappeared. . . .and I could not get it back.  Gak.  I hate it when that happens.  My thoughts are that many of our dreams and expectations for the holidays are based on something we have seen or experienced – in a magazine, on a TV show, on a billboard, or in a movie.  Those images cause us to un-mercilessly judge our own experiences.   Oh, how sweet it would be...
    >>> on Forum topic - Blended Families and the Holidays

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 7 hours ago
    If you were ever curious about this and wanted to know how an ADHD person really feels underneath what they say in the moments of anger and what I wrote in one of these moments when I had to come to terms with this and things that crossed my mind in that moment.  These are old old feelings and still ones that exist somewhere within how I feel about myself and everyone else looking at me from the other side.  To be clear here....this is my self talk talking but it is how I feel at times...
    >>> on Forum topic - Lashing Out In Anger