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I am going on being with a man for 7 years and ADD was there from the outset; He even described it.  I was charmed by the hyperfocus and the non stop desire to travel the world.  After a few of months together, he weaned himself off of closet cigarettes for a prescription of Wellbutrin  from his doctor.  It was sort of effective for a couple of years; then I recommended a favored psychiatrist, who doubled the dosage.  Good results initially, but several months later,  the...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can say that it's a good thing that there is a forum like this, where anyone can share what they're going through. By the way, do you agree if I'll say, all it takes is just a little concealed cash to serve as the monkey wrench that ruins a happy marriage? Well, personal property that is not shared in a relationship isn't really a trouble sign in and of itself. Nevertheless, when huge amounts of cash start to disappear, you need to take notice....

Hi I just want to share my thoughts on your struggle. I know what you're going through is hard and the same goes with your husband. But I don't think porn is the answer to your problem. I do believe that porn is sin because it urges people to fantasize on people aside from their spouse and for me that is adultery in many ways. The Bible tells us this that if we look at a person with lust then it is adultery. Aside from that porn is addictive and literally damage ones brain as this article says (...

My understanding is that people with ADHD have emotions, but can have trouble expressing and regulating them.  Hence, anger management is often an issue, lack of empathy, and mood swings (ADHD is often diagnosed as bi-polar or vice-versa).  My spouse has gotten better at managing her emotions, with therapy, behavior modification, medication, self-help and neuro-feedback.  

OP, you guys should try and figure out a way to pay for the course through this site. It's really opened up out communication a ton. I don't know if it will fix everything permanently, but it's opening my eyes to ways I can help my ADHD husband deal with his symptoms and has helped me accept that I can't "fix him" and that the only control I have is over my own life. we have 2 kids so I wanted our marriage to work out as much for the kids as for each other. Would I have married...

I think it takes a lot of bravery to face the challenge of a partner's addictive behavior.  In the case of the guy I'm seeing, he is on Adderall and also takes a beta-blocker to deal with the side effect of elevated heart rate. The Adderall seems to work for him.  In the 14 months I have known him I have only seen him get angry a few times - and it resembles mild irritation.  A couple of times he was angry at me.  He seemed briefly irritated and then immediately began, via his...

Thank you all for this thread.  It really speaks to some of my concerns about starting a relationship with someone with ADHD.  It will take me quite awhile to sort through all these observations but I will just say initially that I think that there is a process at work when it comes to empathy or the lack thereof that some people without ADHD may have in common with those with ADHD.  I found very useful the observation made by fempartner about the attachment process between mother and child...

Yes I think you're right. Adhd'ers are usually more emotional reactive. But it is very primitive emotions: anger, joy, resentment etc. It is often not more sophisticated emotions which demand more empathy and being able to see more in depht, and evaluate emotions, which demands more use of cognitive abilities. As far as I see it. But of course every individual is different. It is just that the people I know with adhd who are untreated way into adulthood, seems to be more childlsh regarding emotions...

I have to agree for the most part with the prior posts.  The camping trip incident doesn't seem like ADHD, communications difficulties or not, because of this part:  "nothing can be shared.  ... this is what he demands" - demands or what will happen?  Another tantrum? I wonder if he gets away with this behavior with other people, and what you are getting out of this relationship (relationships are supposed to add to life, not detract).  This behaviour is infantile and...

Caroline, I will say that I think your words, "This was the first I had said anything to him," are important. No one wants to complain or harp, but it sounds like you rode and suffered for quite a while. Just asking, because this could be a communication issue. Seriously. His ADHD or whatever may not have connected that you asking for paper earlier meant you needed to go badly. What would happen if you had said, "Stop the car at the next rest stop, please. I have to go to the bathroom RIGHT...

He is very intelligent, even if he sometimes makes choices that hurt him. Learning about his struggles has made me a more patient and relaxed person. He strives, often working 7 days a week.  His is in complete control of his ego.  He knows how to make fun of himself, to my delight! I greatly respect his humility and insight into himself and human nature in general. He has a wonderful command of the English language - both written and spoken.He is a considerate lover. He is...

Thanks for all of your posts.     I agree with those who say that this is not an issue specific to ADHD although it certainly is a pertinent subject.  I was in the same boat.  No matter what size I was, I was never good enough.  When I was at a point most people would consider attractive, my ex liked to take me out with him to events.  But he neglected my personal needs more than ever.  I finally confronted him with the observation than no matter what I looked like,...

frustrated_male,            Thank you for this post.  I commend you for addressing the issues in your relationship at a (relatively) early stage.  My experience is limited but I was in a 9 year relationship with a person who was diagnosed with ADHD.  I left that relationship, was single/celibate for 8 years and met someone about a year ago.  He has also been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication.  I have also been privileged...

I agree with jennalemon.  That's creepy.

One of two things: 1. He is an imp.  He is trying to see how far he can push you until you explode.  Which is what he wants.  The exitement of the fight is invigorating.  He would like nothing more than for you to call him a jerk, and any other horrendous names you could call him.  He likes to "pull your strings" to see what sort of reaction you will give him.  Obviously he is not afraid of losing you for whatever reason. He likes to play this game.  He knows he...

Whenever we go anywhere, camping included, we have to pack separate amenities (including food) and nothing can be shared.  It's the strangest thing, but this is what he demands.  I think it has to do with his obsession with "fairness".  If we bring separate amenities then no one can unfairly use more than the other than if we had collective items.  Unfortunately this time I forgot toilet paper.  Going number two in the woods is bad enough, but when you have no toilet...

I am not married yet, but have been with my partner four and a half years. Minus children, I have dealt with everything you've mentioned. Although your husband has been going to therapy, it sounds like his ADHD is not even close to being controlled. Same thing happened with us - he has been going since early high school and we are in our mid-twenties; not until less than a year ago did we discover that this wasn't just how things were going to be and that this wasn't just as good as it gets...

So far so good on the plan. The Dr added Lexapro to the mix now to help with mood leveling. I've been sticking to my self improvement plan daily. My wife has asked me to put the house up for sale and move to Missouri and continue to work on my plan there, initially from an apartment on my own until things are better between us. I've been packing the house here and there but focusing mainly on my plan as it's priority. I received an email today from my father in law telling me to stop focusing...

d, you can't keep him from ruining his life. Only he can. And he has to want to.  There is alcoholism in my family and I know how destructive and sad it is.  Every single thing you mention sounds like some pretty serious denial on his part, like "rounding down" the amount he is drinking by suggesting he is not finishing some of his beer, or putting on a good face for the doctor when in fact he may be an alcoholic and abusing his meds. It doesn't mean he is a bad person. It means...

I, too, am not mad at my husband for his bad memory. I know that it's related to ADHD and that it's not an issue of morality or ethics when he says something that isn't true.  But it does bother me that although he will occasionally acknowledge that this is an ADHD-related issue, he still won't do anything to deal with making behavioral changes to improve his ADHD-affected functioning.