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by: J -
feeling "like" shit ? In essence...how does one feel shit?>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: adhd32 -
Imagine this life in 10 more years. You are bailing a sinking ship while he is making holes in the bottom all while denying there is a crisis. I think we non spouses cling to that one second of clarity they sometimes have after a therapy session or a disagreement. Things don't improve with time, they actually get worse as unmedicated adhd spouse tends to fall back to familiar maladaptive behaviors rather than doing the work to change. Once you can see things without the filter of infatuation you...>>> on Forum topic - Just Now Learning...
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by: J -
Vertical certainty says: “This is how it is.” I've come to realize, the vast majority of conficts and arguments I had with my SO were due to a conflict in processing styles. This has more to do with language derived from a system of values that are different or incompatible. Yet both of have ADHD. Self-Assumed Epistemic Authority was a real issue here...but beneath that, was the heart of our issues together. At the core, in algebraic terms or language....horizontal vs vertical positioning...>>> on Forum topic - Just Now Learning...
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by: ADHD_waverider -
It reads to me that your instincts are trying to signal you. Swedish_coast said it well and it's similar to my experience. The main difference is that I'm still married to my SO, but have been considering my options. Kids add complexity to the marriage and if you get one or more with ADHD as well, the challenges are magnified. It creates a whole different can of worms than dealing with an ADHD partner alone. As your ADHD partner gets older, there may be less willingness to change and less...>>> on Forum topic - Just Now Learning...
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by: honestly -
With the being 'deformed' and 'feeling shit'. It's taking a long while to recover.>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: honestly -
Despite us all trying to cope with it and its repercussions, believe it or not, there is no demonstrable thing in the body or the brain that is a 'tell' for ADHD. The research that says it's caused by brain structure is deeply flawed. The research that its due to dopamine levels is contested. (Searching for Normal, Dr Sami Tamimi). Responding to medication is no tell either: anyone who takes amphetamines will focus better than they did, at least for a time. ADHD is diagnosed by the observation of a...>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: J -
For my own understanding, and to lay this out by isolating the root cause of behaviors. You definely have a theme going here. Guilt is what you're feeling right now. I have a little bit different driver ...at the core of my own behavior. Intolerance or sensitivity to ( blank ) to protect myself from ( blank ) is the cause and effect chain. What I experienced with my ex SO...was also different than mine. I do believe intolerance to shame ( the discomfort from feeling shame ) is the last...>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: lcdoglover1 -
Thank you for understanding and giving me some things to think about!>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: Swedish coast -
Above are good thoughts I think. We can flagellate ourselves for not being who we wanted to be. But how is a person supposed to manage these life-wrecking ADHD symptoms in their partner, without their integrity being affected? I believe one of the worst aspects of ADHD marriage for me is how it’s deformed me. No, I wasn’t supportive enough, or forgiving enough. Yes, I was chronically angry and disappointed. Yes, I complained about my husband relentlessly to a few selected close ones, and so wasn...>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: lcdoglover1 -
@Offthe roller...I am harsh on myself. I guess we all have things we deal with.>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: Off the roller ... -
Reading your story and wanted to tell you a single truth: this is not your fault and this is not all on you. Its only half on you and the good news is that your half is in your control. That's all you can take on, nothing more. Your post reads as very harsh on yourself and you don't have to be that way. Loads of us have been where you are and it feels like it's totally on us, but it isn't. Promise.>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: 1Melody1 -
You didn't know. What people think ADHD is vs. how much it actually it can infiltrate almost every facet of a couple's life are two different things. With a greater understanding of how ADHD has impacted your relationship, hopefully there are things HE can do to optimize treatment as well as things YOU can do to support him more effectively. (This doesn't mean you should have to accept or support what's unacceptable just because he has ADHD.) I'm so sorry you're separated. You obviously...>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: lcdoglover1 -
Your words mean so much 1Melody1.>>> on Forum topic - Trouble understanding...
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by: J -
....who is not master of themselves." I'm saying this to the partner of an ADHD spouse. Waiting for someone else is not freedom. Resentment goes away, when you take action for yourself...not for another person. "What happens inside me is my responsibility.” Julian Rotter - Internal locus of control. J>>> on Forum topic - It's tax time again!
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by: J -
My GI tract is not only back to normal...its better than normal. Lets just say...my stools float unstead of sink. Almost no need to wipe. Just like the forest critters... I've joined the club. I eat when Im hungry, stop when Im satified, drink water all day. I eat loads of fat and calories, proteins, carbs....and Ive lost weight. Calories consumed on aversge: 2,000 to 2,700 a day. There it is. Excersise comes from the process itself.>>> on Forum topic - In the Zone - Returning to myself
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry about this. Waiting for ADHD partner to step up has never helped in my experience either. One will just end upp with accumulated work, hurt and anger. You’re likely not doing a thing wrong. It’s not you wanting control, it’s you being left to manage alone. I validate your frustration entirely.>>> on Forum topic - It's tax time again!
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by: Swedish coast -
Please consider carefully if you should marry him. So many of us who’ve married ADHD partners for love and an initially great relationship have then seen our lives fall apart. I’ve had it explained to me by my ex husband’s psychologist how an unmedicated (severe) ADHD person manages their life in one way while youthful. They can compensate for their symptoms by working harder. Later, perhaps in mid thirties or forties, they lose that youthful energy. They are then increasingly exhausted by...>>> on Forum topic - Just Now Learning...
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by: J -
I ran out of Adderall. I'm functioning like this without chemical reinforcement. As Mr Spock would say....facsinating. And just an FYI: Its now 37° outside. I'm no longer in my speeping system....and its 66° inside the cabin of my vehicle. The only thing Im wearing is a Alpaca Scarf...a wool hat, two layers wicking perfornance long sleeve tops ( Capliene ), another thin Capliene bottoms, Jeans, Merino wool boot socks, and Down booties. And if I had to choose what I'd give...>>> on Forum topic - In the Zone - Returning to myself
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by: lilypop -
It sounds like your gut is telling you something. A lot of people say it gets worse when kids come along. I feel for you, it’s super tough. Fundamentally I love and miss my ex husband but I could no longer live with his behaviours.>>> on Forum topic - Just Now Learning...
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by: 1Melody1 -
This sounds so frightening. Can you record one of these episodes for use in therapy? You shouldn't have to overcome the hurdle of being believed. An individual therapist who is just there for you could also be a good option. You'd be instantly believed and could get unbiased support. I hear your frustration. We are so willing to be there for them and support, but THEY still have to read the material, get the help and actively implement the meds/therapy. Nothing changes if they won't participate...>>> on Forum topic - .
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