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by: sickandtired -
Please be careful about this man. He may be similar to your ex that I know you loved, but ultimately decided was not good for you. This new guy may or may not be diagnosed, but the behaviors you have described are concerning. You may be slipping back into your comfort zone while dating this man because subconsciously his actions seem familiar. Remember dating someone like this and being in a long term relationship with him are two very different things. Please don’t get caught in another relationship...>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: 1Melody1 -
I'm exceedingly protective of myself as well now too. It's great that he's given you the green light to ask the questions you need to. Don't forget your gut knows things. Good luck Swedish!>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Swedish coast -
Well I didn’t specify. But I said we might be on different places on a spectrum. That such difference has hurt me in the past. And I asked if I may ask some intrusive questions next time we meet. He said yes. Dating is a little less terrifying with plenty of time and some distance.>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Swedish coast -
Sending a hug too.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
Sending you a hug. It sounds like your dad taught you that your role in life is to be a punching bag. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom too. I know it’s hard, but you have to fight for your life. Don’t let your husband continue to ruin it during this stressful time.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
My ex would have all of these grand ideas for many different businesses, and he would go out and order hundreds of dollars of expensive flashy letterhead stationery and business cards…only to have them sitting in a dusty corner for years because he never wanted to deal with the hard parts of starting a business.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I do appreciate all the comments made. I realize I am part of the problem as boundaries were not set and maintained (a lot to do with my childhood and emotional abuse by Dad). I must admit I feel foolish and stupid for putting up with this behavior for so long. I am doing my best to see clearly now as at age 67 I do not wished to be in a poor financial situation once I quit working. This IS beyond hard. I managed to get an appointment with therapist for tomorrow (April 8) by myself to talk over...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: J -
....as an art form. Ending at my last comment about acceptance didn't answer what's really beneath everything else. It's what I can't say, or the "thing" that goes unresolved...hence, the reason why you just have to accept it...."it" being the dynanic to be sure. In respect to my ex-So. I'm convinced that culture had a lot to do with our mismatches. What she deemed acceptable, I did not. That was a source of friction from the start and I'm able to see that more clearly than before. ...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Swedish coast -
Reason may go out the window with ADHD in instances like this. To protect their self-esteem, an ADHD deciever might decide the problem isn’t their theft, but for instance you not appreciating them enough. I was thoroughly decieved. My ex told me when he moved out none of our agreements for 20 (undiagnosed) years had been real, since he’d always agreed with me for lack of choice. He took no responsibility for the choices we’d made. He then proceeded to accuse me of years of abuse. I...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: 1Melody1 -
There are so many times I thought, "If I explained this situation to 100 strangers on the the street, 100 of them would be able to understand what I'm saying. Why can't he??" But my husband at the time couldn't. There were times that it didn't matter what I said or how I said it or how common-sense-logical a situation was, he could only see his perspective and it was unshakable. I don't think it was ill-intent, but an inability to comprehend his impact on other people. I'm really sorry that you...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: adhd32 -
You didn't ever hold him accountable for his actions. First time was a warning but you did not set boundaries and hold him to them. He did it again and again with impunity knowing you would still be there accepting his financial abuse. Not sure why you are baffled, you accepted his actions multiple times in 5 years. It seems that you are not able to accept that he is a thief. It seems you are expecting him to miraculously change but the person who needs to changes YOU. Stop expecting changed behavior...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: littleADHDlatina -
hi>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: sickandtired -
ADHD is a brain function disorder. The executive functioning part of his brain developed differently than yours. Executive functions like planning, organizing and following through on promises are affected. He is literally unable to see that he has broken your trust. Let me make an analogy: Just like a person suffering from polio who is unable to walk is not “lazy”, a person suffering from adhd is not doing these things because he is “selfish”. He is literally unable to grasp that his behaviors cause...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Himeros -
People with a long track record of financial indiscipline are usually dreamers with highly educated unrealistic ‘plans’. An organised business person at inception tends to focus on the hard parts, the drudgery tasks, as getting through these is key to building a solid foundation, whereas the bad with money dreamer will put their energy into the fun bits, such as making pretty pictures for the business. My expectation is these guys mentioned above will never change their ways unfortunately...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I appreciate the comments. Even after all this time together, I am baffled that he is unable to comprehend that breaking a mutual agreement (not once but 3 times) is more than just “poor judgement” as he claims. I told him his actions broke my trust in him, but he just states that is “my opinion” as if it is not true. How is he unable to see that his actions are hurtful and selfish? Maybe I should be more realistic in that he has shown me multiple times that his business/clients are more important to...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: goldenfleece -
Thanks we had tried her but she isn't taking on anyone else and we seem to be getting little response from the others - will keep trying!>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
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by: sickandtired -
I have a dear friend who is suffering in her old age because she didn’t rein in her husband’s thoughtless spending and dipping into their retirement accounts. She’s 72 now, and is forced to work as a school crossing guard because social security payments are not enough to live on. She hates her life now, and deeply regrets that she let his bad financial decisions ruin her quality of life in what is supposed to be her golden years. Swedish is right. Get an attorney. Your guy cannot change his...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
So sorry to hear this. He does sound unaware of how his actions affect you, and even that he’s betrayed your agreement about retirement funds. I don’t think you should allow him control of your personal resources. I agree the best would be to get legal help immediately. ADHD showing up as betrayal like this is in my experience coupled with such shame that the person will do anything to deny the betrayal. If he can make you emotionally accept it and move on, he’s succeeded and can...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Husband was to speak to me yesterday about business plan/budget. His idea was to give me breakdown of new business venture to make money, nothing about business budget or cutting expenses. He also indicated that I am punishing him for his past broken promises by not agreeing to go ahead with the new house we had been planning (claims I am holding him hostage). It is too apparent that he is incapable of finding a way out of this behavior. I have needed surgery scheduled in mid-April that will...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Looking for hope -
I really feel you. Last year my wife decided after 3 years of being for all intents and purposes unemployed that she would go into business for herself. I did A LOT of work to help her make a business plan, make revenue projections, and decide whether to register as an S-Corp. (If you're not in the US or a tax nerd, know that it's just an option for how small business owners recognize the business's income.) Well it turns out she basically abandoned the business within a few months, having only...>>> on Forum topic - It's tax time again!
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