Recent Comments

  • by: JJamieson - 20 min 40 sec ago
    That's what I do....it makes me passive aggressive, makes me bitingly acrid at times and has given me a wonderfully funny sense of humor and an extremely positive and optimistic  world  view no matter how bad things get..... with an almost uncanny ability to turn lemons into lemonade in most situations....which can be very annoying to some and magnetic to others (depending on the person.) lol This can impede my ability to be sensitive and compassionate at times but it also has allowed me to put myself...
    >>> on Forum topic - Could ADD Trigger or Cause COMORBID NARCISSISM?

  • by: JJamieson - 2 hours 33 sec ago
    NPD people are= contrary    (black and white)  the opposite  in everything  no mater how you apply it   NPD people= are not inconsistent  (almost never) NPD people are= consistently contrary .......   in everything all the time.  This is the key to how to spot them however, this has to done over time in the same way I had to have enough things in this list to compare and contrast the things I did.  That's why they are so difficult to spot......almost impossible in only a few encounters for a covet one...
    >>> on Forum topic - Could ADD Trigger or Cause COMORBID NARCISSISM?

  • by: Standing - 3 hours 58 min ago
    Whatever the reason, whether it's a brain disorder or personality disorder or a character flaw...   what you describe is what I have experienced with my spouse of 10+ years: an ability to compartmentalize to an unbelievable degree and to NOT have empathy or even be able to acknowledge that his Actions do not match up with his Words.  Such a flow of meaningless words, all of the time... none of them with any substance, none of them connected to reality. When confronted with actions, I get either denial or...
    >>> on Forum topic - found an email

  • by: JJamieson - 8 hours 52 min ago
     I'm going to make a valiant attempt to do something that is hard difficult to do accurately.  In one sense I've been trying to do this in way one or another for past 50 years (unfortunately)  so I'm going to approach this with some authority ( and not mix words) but by no means is this saying there is room for a different opinion without error to be corrected.  This is based on my experience only but I think it's a good one to use to help others get some understanding, some clarity and maybe some healing...
    >>> on Forum topic - Could ADD Trigger or Cause COMORBID NARCISSISM?

  • by: Superdrop - 11 hours 9 min ago
    i often wonder if its me.  He tells me all the time that I'm his "awesome' and he would fall apart without me.  He tells me how much he loves me all the time.  But just yesterday I checked his phone and and he forgot to clear the history on the laptop and he posted an ad on Craigslist in the personals. I no longer trust him, as he did this when I was at work.  We are not married, but trying for a baby.  I have decided that we are not "trying" anymore, he doesnt know yet. But I can't live like this anymore...
    >>> on Forum topic - found an email

  • by: julie sharp - 11 hours 52 min ago
    Hello daisiesmum, I am so relieved I am not the only disabled non ADHD spouse!! My ADHD husband is fantastic at telling doctors, social workers and professionals that he will do. Our local Law Centre has just become involved as my needs are being neglected. I know my husband wants to be my carer but he now knows his disorganisation and forgetfulness prevents him. It frustrating for both of us. We are considering paying private to get my husband a psychometric assessment as then he will have part of a...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here

  • by: DaisiesMom - 19 hours 36 min ago
    I'm new too Julie, and have somewhat the same problems as you. I am disabled also, with rheumatoid arthritis in both knees awaiting knee replacements. My husband has diagnosed ADHD but is undedicated and he also told the county he could be my caregiver that was until he became disabled himself with back problems. I actually thought he would give caretaking a shot..but he was just thinking of the extra money. At the time, I didn't realize his not following up was because of the ADHD, I have grown used to...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here

  • by: DaisiesMom - 20 hours 44 min ago
    What is with that repeating OMG, mine does it too. I first noticed it when he would play with one of our dogs..he kept calling her "stinky dog" and he would say it over and over til even the dog was sick of it. Now he does it with other phrases that get stuck in his head, or he tells a story, over and over. Our friends are noticing and we call it his-hamster wheel time, but it's embarrassing!
    >>> on Forum topic - Just can't stand him sometimes

  • by: Rosered - 20 hours 52 min ago
    I'm so glad you said for both partners!  
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 20 hours 57 min ago
    You're right.  It IS another item for the to do list for BOTH partners.  And, I would argue, should be at the TOP of that 'to do' list.  Because if you don't do this item, you end up wondering why you're together in the first place.  The times of joy you have in the relationship are what allow you to feel like partners when confronted with the hard stuff.  Drop 15 other things off the list, but make sure this one is on it.
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: Rosered - 21 hours 24 min ago
    "I wish I had spent more time just creating joy for all of us." This is a worthy goal, but I feel as though it's also another item for mom's to-do list and thus another thing that, when she doesn't attain the goal, will result in her feeling inadequate.   By the way, I, like many mothers, was the person who was responsible for setting the household's emotional temperature, and boy, did I ever get pushback when I wasn't in a good mood and had the temerity to allow that bad mood to show itself to the rest...
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 22 hours 45 min ago
    I hear a lot of people suggesting that because a wife is so busy with kids that the husband should, in essence, 'deal with it.'  While I totally agree compassion is necessary, and helping out in whatever way possible (and helping more than feels comfortable) is definitely the way to get started to feeling closer, I have to push back on the idea that a woman should not be expected to be a good partner because she is too busy. I have seen too many marriages suffer significantly from that...including my own...
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: julie sharp - 1 day 11 hours ago
    Unfortunately I have not yet worked out how to leave. I would.need his support to leave. Infact my local council said he should leave as the house is adapted to my needs not his as he can walk. It tricky to leave when you are dependent on another human for support. I think leaving is off the agenda. As is he going out himself as he will not go anywhere alone. I am going to.work on option 1 smiling at him. Rather than letting my emotions run wild. I have lots of my own emotions to deal with. Like it hurts...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

  • by: julie sharp - 1 day 11 hours ago
    Thankfully medical appointments work differently. I either have a telephone appointment, the doctor.comes to me or medical transport is sent to collect me. My doctor is aware of my situation and my husbands as we both see same doctor. I.am very isolated but here in England that does not seem to be important to doctor as it not medical. Doctors exact words. Doctors do not work with social service all they can do is refer you which doctor has done many times and then it is social services choice. Social...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

  • by: sunlight - 1 day 14 hours ago
    I want to second RR on the point that, as the children get older, the problems don't go away - instead they change and get bigger (certainly more expensive). And with 4 young kids plus, I think you mentioned, home schooling, then it's a wonder she can find the bed rather than falling asleep on the floor on the way to the bedroom. "friends who actually like each other, discuss things, and have lots of connected sex" There's an old saying that if you want to ruin a good friendship,...
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: sunlight - 1 day 15 hours ago
    Julie, who else knows the situation you are in besides Social Services (who say he should do his part). You mention no friends or family, but do your doctors know that you have problems at home? Is it possible for one of your doctors to say to him that for your health you need to have the ability to get out of the house regularly? It seems you are very isolated, is there anyone who could speak to him on your behalf or could you attempt to schedule a trip at a fixed interval and have someone from outside...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

  • by: c ur self - 1 day 16 hours ago
    I understand completely...And I do feel for you...But, you seem like a rational wise person, who see's the reality of life...You c ur self, and all that entails...and you see your husband's reality also...You live with it daily...So, when he comes up with something like I want to go now! You should expect it, just like many of us do, and not let your emotions fall apart...He may have adhd, but, he knows his wife is limited by the wheel chair, he see it everyday...So what can you do at this point and remain...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 17 hours ago
    Rosered just made a good suggestion that you agreed with.....now you do the same thing on your own without having to ask her.  Intuit or ask yourself....what would she really need right now....not necessarily from you but based only on what her needs are.  I'd come to her with the suggestion and have already found a sitter and have them lined up waiting in the wings and ask her if this would help you right now.  I'd ask first though.  Even if she has other ideas its the thought that counts here and showing...
    >>> on Forum topic - Scumbag Universe

  • by: julie sharp - 1 day 20 hours ago
    Hi Rosered, yes both of us can use the transportation services if it is booked in advance. ie I could book transport to the zoo for 5th November for both of us. But most of time my husband decides on the day he wants us to go and the transportation service cannot operate in this way. He is unable to anticipate or plan when he will want to go. And if I just book he does not want to go when the transportation arrives. So me doing the reservation in advance fails if he does not want to go when transportation...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

  • by: julie sharp - 1 day 20 hours ago
    Hi Rosered, yes both of us can use the transportation services if it is booked in advance. ie I could book transport to the zoo for 5th November for both of us. But most of time my husband decides on the day he wants us to go and the transportation service cannot operate in this way. He is unable to anticipate or plan when he will want to go. And if I just book he does not want to go when the transportation arrives. So me doing the reservation in advance fails if he does not want to go when transportation...
    >>> on Forum topic - untreated ADHD

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