Recent Comments

  • by: JJamieson - 9 min 23 sec ago
    When my father finally retired....I was still in college.  He was an older parent and had started smoking unfiltered cigarettes when he was around 8 or 9 years old.  Because he chain smoked most of his adult life he had severe emphysema so at age 60 when he was forced to retire...he looked like he was 75 due to his ailing health. For his entire adult life that I knew him growing up...he was a tyrant at home and used rage and a quick temper and the back of his hand to do his talking.  He was a bully and I...
    >>> on Forum topic - H angry at our son

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 5 hours 27 min ago
    Depending on what went on in the relationship, you're going to be going thru a sort of grieving process after you leave, and a lot of reflection.   
    >>> on Forum topic - Recovering from the ADHD relationship

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 5 hours 36 min ago
    How are things going?   <<< He keeps cleaning the house, does not ask me for things, seems almost walking on eggshells around me now and is very clingy. He is also still talking to the girl (though not as much), and while he seems to be working a couple more hours at work, he has not been able to help with any of the bills and has not pursued any of the jobs that his friends have been trying to hand to him on a platter where he would be making significantly more money and have much better...
    >>> on Forum topic - Seriously considering breaking engagement. Advise Please!

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 5 hours 49 min ago
    You're a full time worker and a mom, and your H expects you to parent his FIVE kids, too??   Those are his responsibility.  Sounds like he just wants a live in nanny.      I highly doubt that if YOU were the one bringing FIVE kids into the marriage that he'd be the devoted hands on father to your five kids.     I think he's making you feel guilty because you're not the unpaid nanny to his kids.   Where is THEIR mother?   Seriously, he's the one who brought the unbalanced situation into the marriage...
    >>> on Forum topic - So depressed...

  • by: c ur self - 9 hours 22 min ago
    Not everyone can do what he wants...When we got married my two daughters were grown and married....She had two son's 16 and 21....The 21 year old was on his own, the 16 year old was with us until his second year of Jr college....She had so many insecurities because they never had a Dad to love them...She thought I would be the answer, she was and is such an enabler I have had to fight that the whole way, Just to try and speak into their lives to be responsible adult men...They both have symptoms of add.......
    >>> on Forum topic - So depressed...

  • by: c ur self - 9 hours 46 min ago
    You sound a lot like my wife, except you seem nicer...LOL.....She has ADD also we have 4 grown children, non-together...Don't be so down on yourself...The fact you can c ur self and feel you need to make changes is more than many:) You did not ask for ADHD. There are others on this site who deal with the same things you do, and can really help you...My wife and I have been married 7yrs...and after 4.5 we were separated 11 months, 8.5 months of counseling..We still have issues like you're saying about y'...
    >>> on Forum topic - So depressed...

  • by: Poor excuse 4 a wife - 10 hours 40 min ago
    I am actually a lawyer now, but managed to get through lawschool as a single mom.  I do pretty well alone - it's relationships of any sort that I just can't seem to navigate well.  My husband gets mad that I am not proactively a good stepmother.  I am not a superstar mom, but I manage.  It is only me and my 7 year old daughter at my house, so I am not torn in a million directions.  But the idea of adding my husbands kids (who are not physically present with me) into my mindset without prompting is just so...
    >>> on Forum topic - So depressed...

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 10 hours 59 min ago
    If so, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate as it is.      What is your H expecting?  What does he think that you should be doing but aren't doing?   << general inability to fix things<<<   What are you expected to fix?
    >>> on Forum topic - So depressed...

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 12 hours 14 min ago
    I was very happy that H went golfing with an old work friend over the weekend.  The problem is that when he came home he was upset because the friend told him not to talk so much.  Specifically, the friend told him not to WHINE so much.     I suspect that the former colleague probably thought this when they worked together, but didn't feel he could speak up at the time.
    >>> on Forum topic - Random Babble - Nervous Chatter

  • by: JJamieson - 14 hours 13 min ago
    It's not mean to let him take the fall.  That's exactly what you should do if it's not going to cause a problem.  This is how you learn....experience is the best teacher.   J
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 14 hours 50 min ago
    >>> A final thing in your post, that business of labeling behavior, or, worse, a whole unseen attitude, as "bad," "lazy," "stupid."  Or add these labels, that I've heard both ADHD and non ADHD people say or write in the last couple months:  "dumb" "unhelpful," "enemy," "self centered" (I've heard that one from both sides).     I think labels like this are a pox on humanity, and I think it's getting worse and worse, across cultural groups. >>>   I think that many with ADHD grew up...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 14 hours 54 min ago
    My father in law rarely attempted anything "handy," but when he did make decisions, they were often stupid.   Like he insisted on fencing his yard to keep the rabbits out of his garden, but he had the fence company put the bottom of the gates WAY TOO HIGH...so high that a herd of rabbits could come marching thru.   lol     When I mentioned that the gates were too high, he looked at me like I was the Wicked Witch of the West.   My H later commented that if they had said anything like that as kids, they...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: JJamieson - 15 hours 38 min ago
    I think that many with ADHD grew up hearing, "you're stupid" or "you're lazy" or other attacks from friends, family, etc.   Likely because while they were growing up, they were often doing "dumb" things (things that involve Executive Function Disorder).   Listen to the frustrations of parents raising ADHD kids:  "He forgets to turn in his homework,"  "I can't get her to do any chores," "he forgot that he had that important assignment," "she forgot that she had a biology test today," "he can't find his...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: JJamieson - 16 hours 31 min ago
    Red Flag for what???? But the inability to think outside the box, even in the slightest, is what frustrates me.   I feel like a freaking "know it all," when I'm constantly having to say, "well, what about trying ........" when H gets frustrated with some "road block".   (I can't tell you how many times he's thought that his car was broken because he couldn't get it to start....because he had the car in "drive" instead of in "park"!!!  And, I'll have to say, "is the car in "park"?   Same with getting the...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 17 hours 53 min ago
    <<<Even lies on the test as I'm reading it to him out loud, and as I write down his answers....>>>   it is so frustrating when a spouse is not honest on those tests or with therapists..   sometimes those long questionnaires ask enough questions to detect lies..   That said, if I were filling in his answers while I was reading them to him, I would ignore lies and color in the correct answer.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Is there any help at all for those who can't afford it

  • by: JJamieson - 18 hours 1 sec ago
    and I like the Native American saying as well (I've heard that one before too:)  And yes I have ADHD. You said A final thing in your post, that business of labeling behavior, or, worse, a whole unseen attitude, as "bad," "lazy," "stupid."  Or add these labels, that I've heard both ADHD and non ADHD people say or write in the last couple months:  "dumb" "unhelpful," "enemy," "self centered" (I've heard that one from both sides).     I think labels like this are a pox on humanity, and I think it's getting...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: Bou - 21 hours 41 min ago
    Thanks for the remarks, J.   My success rate with compassion varies, day by day.  I do think that what you write, that the partner needs to be seen for who he or she is and interacted with for who he or she is...this is a theme of c yourself, too, is true, very true.  Very true.   I haven't been on this board more than a day or two, so forgive me for not having some basics learned, due to dipping around in threads.  If I have it correct, you have ADHD?   Just a remark on that from the non-ADHD side:...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: Bou - 22 hours 17 min ago
    Your dad was kind to fix things for you.  It does sound like your husband was avoiding more than task learning from your dad.  I find being under either time or monetary pressure (its usually both at the same time) as I struggle to learn some new manual chore intensely frustrating, especially if my failure means that I'm chained to spending more time on the darn task, or on my incomprehension, but that is perhaps just non Adhd me.  It's rather a false conclusion to think that because people with ADHD have...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

  • by: JJamieson - 23 hours 25 min ago
    6)  Choosing to be excellent means taking action whether it be physically or mentally and being better tomorrow than you are today......one day at a time. I like your list C.....I choose to be excellent like you.....I just added # 6 as the way I am going about doing it.  On a certain level....this is all you can do but this is how I measure it.  I can't undo all the sins of my past over night because they did not happen that way either.  They happened one day at a time too.  To each his own but this is...
    >>> on Forum topic - Life; its not about right or wrong, or love, its about reality:)

  • by: JJamieson - 1 day 1 hour ago
    If you want compassion you have to give it too.  It works both ways.  If you only have a hammer in the tool box and try and apply that to screw a screw into something....it doesn't work very well.  You need a screw driver instead and if you don't have one then this presents a problem! lol As I read what you wrote (again)....I hear compassion in every word.  I will wager that without knowing anything more.....you probably receive the same thing back from you H as best he can offer it too you every time you...
    >>> on Forum topic - It's Broken....Not!

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