Recent Comments

  • by: copingSAH - 32 min 23 sec ago
    Heidi, you wrote many portions that can be inspirational for all of us. I'm at that stage where I'm detaching and trying to get out of the passage I'm in now... after 20+ years of ADD marriage, I've grown fearful of many things. Fearful of my own choices, fearful of having a strong opinion. I'm angry at the ADD (and dysfunction due to ADD), not the person. But I cannot reach that person more than 50% of the time, because their ADD (or dysfunction) prevents them from meeting halfway. I have an ADHD autistic...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do you handle anniversaries?

  • by: Sueann - 49 min 20 sec ago
    This is spam. There used to be a button to report this. Maybe you need to add that feature back
    >>> on Forum topic - Buy real and fake passports, driver's licenses, ID cards, stamp

  • by: copingSAH - 1 hour 9 min ago
    Not anniversary but something similar: When add spouse does something that is deemed good -- if it turns out less than ideal, I'm left to clean up the mess. Recently he bought me a very costly gift for my birthday (milestone) -- I was shocked, surprised and then unfortunately disappointed -- so much money for something I couldn't use, and without consulting me. He knew my feelings on this yet he went and did it anyway. So, he turned it around to say I was ungrateful, and now I'm left to clean up the mess...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do you handle anniversaries?

  • by: copingSAH - 1 hour 14 min ago
    I can no longer separate what is ADD and the dysfunctions of my ADD spouse growing up with an alcoholic parent. It is too entwined, it is very bad. His treatment and empathy of others are often surprisingly warm, but he shows very little, if any, for our ability to communicate with one another. I feel very badly for our son... he's really caught in the dysfunction of our communication difficulties and we end up venting in front of him instead. That is really not a solution and no way good for our son. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: Standing - 1 hour 31 min ago
    Makes sense to me in a way... that it's easier to believe what he says when he's not thinking... or maybe it is more accurate to say, when he's not Reacting!  I think you've given me a lightbulb moment here.  When you consider it, isn't most of the nasty stuff he says in response to you trying to communicate with him in an emotional way? It's like that's a huge red flag to add and sets him on high threat alert, so he'll say anything to be contrary at that moment. Wow. You asked in your earlier post...
    >>> on Forum topic - Relationship advice please (mega conflict.)

  • by: Marcus - 2 hours 2 min ago
    Hi Standing,   Thank you so much for your reply. It has been a tough time for me. After the need comment I got very upset. I thought that he was just trying to stuff me around. It made me question and still does, anything he says. We had been over this so many times in counselling etc. We bought a shipping container full of stuff (like container wars) there was a really bad looking pink velour arm chair. I told him that it is so not coming in our home and that I will buy us something nice and comfy. He...
    >>> on Forum topic - Relationship advice please (mega conflict.)

  • by: Standing - 3 hours 16 min ago
    Yes!!!    What I would get is, "It's the least I can do..."   and I soon learned that yes, indeed, it WAS the least. Everything you wrote, Coping, has been said in our home, but mostly back when my kids were younger. Nowadays, my one son who is left at home does not speak to my husband at all. Between my husband and me now, there is very little keeping up of appearances anymore, and we don't converse much at all, so there's no call for this nonsense. He also says something to the effect of, "I could have...
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: copingSAH - 3 hours 37 min ago
    Not only is it revolting to hear it from my own spouse but he also likes to throw it in my face which makes me die a little every time.  This is constantly what I get from him: "I take credit. I did it, it's all me. You didn't, so it's not about you. If you should even say anything you're just a narcissist."   -or-  "No, you can't xxxx (pause) Because daddy did all this stuff so you can have all these great things because daddy knows how to do it. If it weren't for daddy you all would be up a river...
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: frustratedinfla - 3 hours 41 min ago
    I'm in the same boat. My DH was diagnosed two months ago but I swear the meds are making him mean and an a hole a lot. I never know if I'm going to get my sweet hunny I fell in love with or Dr Hyde that ces out when the meds wear off. He tells me to ignore him when he's like that and not take it personally but it's so hard. I can't ovine my opinion because he looks at it like unwanted advice and if I criticize his driving or anything, I'm picking in him.  Supposed to be quiet when the meds wear off, but...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here, need someone to talk to

  • by: Rosered - 4 hours 2 min ago
    Mapper, I feel so sad to think of you not going to counseling because your husband would find out and realize that you are unhappy.  You are a worthy person.  You deserve to have the truth of your existence acknowledged and to have assistance in making things better.  PLEASE get some help!
    >>> on Forum topic - Why do I live with this??

  • by: Standing - 6 hours 23 min ago
    Hi, Marcus, This part sounds just like the situation between my add husband and me:     "... my partner communicates facts current affairs etc  but doesn’t communicate on a personal level. As a result of this I feel like I don’t really know him.  I feel unheard, at times uncared for and often dismissed. We have had a lot of arguments and whenever We try to talk through them and resolve them It feels like they get worse as I do not feel that he understands me or wants to listen." But this part:   "One day...
    >>> on Forum topic - Relationship advice please (mega conflict.)

  • by: Standing - 6 hours 35 min ago
    I see loads of narcissism in my husband's attitudes, especially when he feels that he is in a position of power or superiority over someone. It is revolting.
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: NLKohlenberger - 8 hours 37 min ago
    It's important to determine how important the topic is to be resolved.  70% of all conflicts do not really get resolved.  So it's valuable to know that there may not be a true resolution to some arguments, and then it's O.K. to agree to disagree, as long as the love can win out.  It's important to look at, "Am I just in this for the sake of a power struggle, or is there a really important issue here that needs resolution?"  If it's the second, then when things are calm you can think about how you are...
    >>> on Blog entry - Flooding and the Use of the Verbal Cue

  • by: frustratedinfla - 9 hours 3 min ago
    I totally feel the same way. Me and DH can have a discussion, he repeats the same thing he just told me and takes a detour way over there and totally off topic and it's hard to get back on point them it's been an hour or longer!  By this time I'm crying and upset and just want to sleep!  How do we get them back? 
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: c ur self - 9 hours 43 min ago
    I understand, but just remember being a loving wife and a stay at home Mom does not make you less important to God or anyone else...As a matter of fact I admire a women who will put her family first. I think it's biblical...But, you did not turn into a door mat when you walked away from the alter. So, take his comment for the reality it is in his heart and mind at this time. In your post above...He's not interested in counseling and working on your marriage in positive way. I just want to encourage you to...
    >>> on Forum topic - My husband left today.

  • by: dedelight4 - 9 hours 54 min ago
    Scared here also. Not of living on my own, but the HOW can I do it in the physical condition that I'm in currently. After so many injuries and subsequent surgeries that have left me disabled and in chronic pain. My disability is so low it wouldn't even cover a single month's rent. Disability is determined by your salary from the job you had. I was working in a family business (parents) and they paid me very little. The business was supposed to "pass on" to myself and my siblings, but our step-father ran...
    >>> on Forum topic - My husband left today.

  • by: frustratedinfla - 10 hours 59 min ago
    How do I PM you on here? 
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: dedelight4 - 11 hours 8 min ago
    Also, Hope to Peace, if my husband is truly ready for change now,  which it seems he is, I want to support him in that. What I don't know is...... am I capable to help him through this phase right now? meaning: the harder things in the beginning where he is learning about his own ADHD. I would have GLADLY done that a few years ago, and I had more bodily strength to do that with. Maybe both of us weren't ready yet, I don't know. But, I DO know, I am a physical and emotional wreck and I need time to heal. If...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do you handle anniversaries?

  • by: copingSAH - 11 hours 8 min ago
    This morning I was asked not to talk to him because it was too early. Later in the morning was asked not to talk to him because it was his time for a break. Then find out this restaurant I've been trying to convince him to try ... has just been burned to the ground....  (let's see can it get better or worse) Then asks questions which gets thrown back in my face because he's not happy with answer. And then oh my goodness.... why ever should I become frustrated at trying to accommodate him and the other...
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: Mapper - 11 hours 59 min ago
    No I am not in counseling. There's no way I could go to counseling without him knowing. My insurance is through him so he would be notified of a co-pay and get something in the mail. I wouldn't want him to know I was going because he would blow up over that. Even if I did go an pay for sessions without insurance, I'd still be afraid that he would find out somehow-something in the mail, a phone call, just SOMETHING. Like I said, he thinks everything is fine and dandy between us and nothing could be wrong....
    >>> on Forum topic - Why do I live with this??