Recent Comments

  • Yes Honestly, that's exactly what happens
    by: J - 11 hours 45 min ago
    I learned a very long time ago ( as a child ) Silence = safety.   It's also a signal that's there's something horribly wrong.... when communication ( speaking ) stops, nothing is all that's left.
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • And I Feel Appauled Honestly
    by: J - 1 day 23 hours ago
    With feelings of great consternation, anxiety and dismay, "typically at something unexpected." This entire event had nothing to do with plumbing, how I was doing it, or ANYTHING to do with anything happening at that present moment. I was in a perfectly fine mood and I did offer, I wasn't being coerced into doing it but It should have taken 15 minutes ( had I been left alone ) Instead, it turned into a major event that caused a huge upheava  so I'm right there with you trying to understand...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • thank you
    by: honestly - 2 days 7 hours ago
    Thank you Swedish, that helps. And I am sorry for your loss. X
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • this is appalling
    by: honestly - 2 days 7 hours ago
    it’s utterly appalling behaviour from her. If I had someone as helpful as you in my life, I’d be so grateful. I’ve always been the one with my head under the sink or under the bonnet (hood) whenever anything goes wrong. I cannot understand her. It’s just awful. 
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • J, she’s disrespectful
    by: Swedish coast - 2 days 20 hours ago
    It’s really bad to use a person for dirty work but ignore their expertise, then try to dominate them with violence when they protest.  J, please move out. This is not a healthy environment. Don’t let yourself be treated like this. 
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • That's the Pattern
    by: J - 2 days 23 hours ago
    I learned it as a child, so I was already good and keeping my mouth shut. And then again later: silence = safety. And no, it's not a satisfying or fullinging way to live. Absolutely not! In real time, 1 week ago, here's a perfect example. It's a lose/lose nobody wins scenario. I promised as long as I was still here, I'd continue to help out when I became needed. The dishwasher started leaking and a new one is needed. I'm completely out of the loop anymore, but I offered my services...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • Time
    by: Swedish coast - 3 days 9 hours ago
    So far the passing of time has straightened me out the most. The ADD/RSD husband and the neurodivergent relatives have given me huge social stress. I’ve hurt from tiny friction. I tried to create peace and safety in every interaction, exhausting myself to accommodate others. At the same time I was constantly angry about my boundaries being violated by other’s thoughtlessness. Yesterday a relative died. Sadly I haven’t seen their family for more than a decade. I have a major issue with...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • I'm Still Here But Not For Long
    by: J - 3 days 9 hours ago
    It's really become unsafe for me to stay here, even though, the two of us have arrived at a working cohabitation that's been civil and productive as long as I'm moving towards finally exiting.  Thank you for asking though! I've been working on trying to figure myself out and whether I have RSD or not?  Working with AI to help generate ideas I think I have a theory.   I may have had RSD at one time, but it transformed into something else? This is what gets interesting. ( just a hypothesis...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • looking into it
    by: honestly - 3 days 10 hours ago
    Yes, that makes sense - but what he conditioned me into was saying nothing - because me saying anything was a risk of him reminding me again of what a horrible person I was. 
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • that’s a useful concept
    by: honestly - 3 days 10 hours ago
    I hadn’t heard of that before; thank you 
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • yes that too
    by: honestly - 3 days 10 hours ago
    I remember that of your situation, J - the anger- I think and hope that you’re out too now? It always did sound so hard.  It’s a bit of a misnomer, I think, ‘Rejection’ - the problem with my ex seemed to be anything that was ‘not praise’ was ‘criticism’ and ‘praise’ was itself ‘insufficient priase’. So there’s something about ‘wrongness’ here too; he has to be right and had to be seen to be right and had to be celebrated for it. Despite being very bad at most practical things and under-informed...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • Slight Variation
    by: J - 3 days 13 hours ago
    What I just experienced had a subtly different trigger. Instead of being ( or feeling ) rejected,  being "wrong" was the trigger...and anger usually followed.
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • Operant Conditioning, That's the Mechanism
    by: J - 3 days 14 hours ago
    Behavior that reduces distress gets reinforced. Behavior that increases distress gets suppressed. No beliefs required. No intent required. No pathology required. Just a nervous system learning what keeps the room calm. That's you Honesty.....and me as well. J
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • Protecting My Financial Future
    by: Neuchatel81 - 4 days 8 hours ago
    For the moment, I have changed all accounts at bank from joint to my name only. I have an appointment with attorney on January 29, so hope to receive additional information at that time. This is NOT ideal as I am anxious about what husband could do in the meantime, but it is the best I can do for the moment. Initial meeting with new therapist went very well. She is older so understands ramifications of long term relationships, and appears to be aware of ADD complications. I have another...
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust

  • So while you wait
    by: adhd32 - 5 days 58 min ago
    What are you doing to protect whatever money you have left since he considers everything his?
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust

  • She needs to go
    by: adhd32 - 5 days 1 hour ago
    You both need to concentrate on yourselves.  Ask her to leave.  This is a very unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed on an online forum.  You both need professional help.
    >>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support

  • Waiting for next appointment
    by: Neuchatel81 - 5 days 6 hours ago
    I had first meeting with new therapist yesterday. At least she is older so appears to understand ramifications of long term relationship, and expressed understanding of ADD!  I am really looking forward to next appointment in 2 weeks to begin real work. Attorney’s office has yet to call me back to begin client information process but I am making notes of all they may require. After speaking to husband on Sunday, it is clear he feels that joint retirement account funds are “for business” if he...
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust

  • Good work!
    by: Swedish coast - 6 days 1 hour ago
    I’m so glad you’re working to protect your retirement funding and also get emotional support from a therapist.  Hoping this will turn things around! 
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust

  • You got out?
    by: honestly - 6 days 4 hours ago
    I’ve been wondering and worrying about you, J. It looks like you left? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support

  • The Pattern, bipolADHD
    by: J - 6 days 7 hours ago
    I can only confirm what others have said by adding one solid bit of evidence having just experienced something similar. It's the pattern itself in the big picture. --some reason he can't go to therapy --- "medical anxiety".  I don't know enough clinical jargon to say that's not a technical term, but as I translate it  for myself I hear, "I'm afraid of doctors "  I'm not going to criticize or judge anyone who struggles with fears and anxieties  but objectively speaking, that's kind of like a note...
    >>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support

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