Recent Comments

My lawyer is taking her sweet time putting together the divorce decree.  I'm trying to be chill about it, but we're way past the date she said she'd probably have it done by, and she's not giving me a new completion date.  I hate not knowing when this is going to to be able to be finished.  It's pissing me off. Apart from that, things are great.  Fantastic.  Our finances and shared assets are almost entirely separated.  Also, while looking for some...

Dear ADHD spouse: The boys need you. Without any father figure or male role model, they aren't going to learn. But I ask myself, do you have the capacity to really teach them an education in life skills? I'm teaching them life skills with emotional intelligence as best I can, but knowing you don't have this as a top priority...  I can't handle when you just seem to be living your life in another room by yourself... A Hallmark card telling me your regrets cannot really fix a...

Thanks. I do think you're right. My Husband enjoys doing handyman things as well. Fortunately, we're in therapy for our problems now and my Husband is about to get on medication so hopefully things will begin to improve soon for us. If we're still uncertain and we can't handle living in our current place later this year then I think it might be a better idea for us to try renting a house even if it is a few hundred dollars more for rent.

I wouldn't buy a house now if you're actively contemplating divorce.  It will make things very complicated if you do end up divorced. As for the ADHD aspect, my husband likes doing handyman-type things but he's very messy, and so home ownership has been a mixed experience for us.  Also, anything associated with money has been very challenging for us, because my husband has been unemployed for  many years of our marriage.

I am 100% NOT here to offend or to take up for bad behavior. I am just not that kind of person. I'm sorry if it read that way to you. Just yesterday I broke down sobbing with some friends who were just joking that I should give my husband another chance. I snapped because they went on and on and I am still very hurt by my failed marriage. Mine won't take pills or set up coping mechanisms, so we were doomed. You and others are still trying. I am here just to mend. I have to be around my husband all...

Hi there mrsg13, I have 2 first-hand accounts for you... both my husband and I have adhd (I'm hyperactive and he's inattentive) and we are both taking medication now (both on concerta 54 mg). For myself- I can tell you that when I started my medication, I noticed an immediate difference... If you click on my user name and read some of my comments, I know I've described it before. Essentially I went from feeling overwhelmed, anxious, sad, tense, irritable and out-of-control to feeling... pretty...

mrsg13, I certainly did not get that impression at all!!! Someone had started a "Slug Box" on this forum for venting our frustration!  I was thinking I should start an "Oh yeah, well you think that is bad, what about. . . . "      We all have our own journey.  Each nugget of wisdom I have found here, has enlightened my path a little bit each day.  I have found my own mistakes. . . and have also been enlightened to take the steps I needed to have a...

Yes, my Husband who has untreated ADHD will often forget to brush his teeth so his teeth aren't great and I usually don't feel like kissing him cuz he has bad breath. Fortunately, he doesn't get offended when I ask him if he brushed his teeth recently. Sometimes he will go a day or so without taking a shower, but most of the time he is pretty good at remembering that at least. It may be helpful to put a note up on the wall to remember to brush his teeth and take a shower in the bathroom.

My Husband does exactly the same thing with me so I understand how frustrating it is. We have had fights where I will remember something correctly and he'll tell me I am wrong and insist that he is remembering it right, but he's not. Sometimes he will also tell me how I am feeling or things I said while in reality I didn't say that. I usually just tell him that he doesn't like it when I do that to him so he shouldn't do that to me. The right medication should help with that though. My...

That is certainly true and I'm thankful for that. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to say that our situation is worse than anyone else's. I know it isn't, but that doesn't make it any less difficult for me to endure. I hope that my Husband doesn't think that medication will fix everything. We are taking a break from each other this weekend. I'm going to stay with my Mom so I hope the needed time apart helps us both.

Thanks tfv0.  More wise words and good advice.  I think I may trying reaching out to my ex again.  I will give some thought as to the best way to do it.  I will try to keep you all posted as to the results (hopefully success).

At least he got diagnosed and is trying. That's more than some of us get;) Mine lost my love and respect and still hasn't improved very much on his own. I  wish you the patience you need !

I had this experience. The feeling that all I was to him was a plastic sex toy. It was out of control. My health during my hard pregnancy and then the baby, came second to his needs. I warned and warned him until finally I told him I was done. After we married, his passion left, but his "needs" got out of hand. Sex went from phenomenal to the worst in my life.  Eh, I'm still pretty angry and bitter;p I married a great guy, but ended up with a helpless, oversexed man-child mere months...

I think you hit a nail on the head there with "coping mechanisms". So long as these appear to work from his perspective, there is little cause for change, so when you intended to talk about it he probably felt challenged. For an ADHD person, the web of coping mechanisms are like a house of cards. For some the way to deal with the "normals" in the world is to dissemble and avoid commitment (I hear that being called 'lying' here quite a bit), some avoid communications altogether...

You perfectly described the problems I'm having in my marriage as well. My Husband and I don't have children and we have only been married for 2 1/2 years (together for 4 years) though. We are so close to divorce and I don't feel like I have any support at all either. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I still don't feel like I'm able to rely on or trust my Husband. I especially get scared when he is driving because he tends to speed. I thought medication was supposed to help though....

That is a good point and it does seem to me that he at least wants to try to improve how he treats me. When I ask why things haven't improved yet he usually tells me that he's trying the best he can, but it's difficult for him to do better. I think he has just poorly managed his ADHD symptoms for so long so he developed negative routines and he did just get diagnosed with it weeks ago so he's still trying to accept it and learn about it. I wish I felt more hopeful, but most of the time I...

That is basically how things are between my Husband and I. We rarely have sex now so it's almost non-existant. We have it about once a month which isn't nearly as much as I'd like and my Husband never makes the first move to have sex. Fortunately, he does make an effort to please me at least when we have sex, but sex for us never lasted that long. He isn't on any medication yet, but I've read that medication can lower a person's sex drive so I wonder if it's a side-effect of the...

"The main ADHD issues that are problematic for us are his bad short-term memory, his distractibility, his lack of focus, his lack of communication with me/lack of follow-through, his blaming, assumptions, and defensiveness, his lack of motivation, and his consistent negativity/low self-esteem." The medication will help him focus and not-so-easily be distracted.  The rest, well I believe it has to be his choice to work on those things.   Anything that helps in a small way, opens the door...

Thanks, I'm So Exhausted. My question was mainly in regards to if my Husband being on medication will positively impact our relationship that much. My main goal is to see a noticeable positive improvement. I know that it won't fix everything that is wrong in our relationship so I'm going to look into additional therapy, reading books, and coaching as well. His symptoms are just negatively impacting our relationship so strongly now and I feel like we're not getting anywhere at all so I hope...

My situation was almost the same, except that my wife didn't much like gaming in general though she tried a few with me. My wife sent this to me shortly before I quit. Share this with him as it made me open my eyes to what my wife was saying and I felt horrible for the time I had given up with loved ones in my real life for superficial ones in my virtual life. The gamers in the study showed addiction-like symptoms ranging from lying to family and friends about how much they play games and using the...