Recent Comments

  • by: Icefishinglady - 34 min 52 sec ago
    My now-ex-fiance has lost thirty-some pounds... and that was when I found him hanging out on a dating site (the lies he told trying to squirm out of that were ridiculous and I still have a lot of anger about it). He regularly posts on FaceSmack about how great he's doing, and his female friends gush all over him and I think he LOVES the attention. The new swagger sure sounds familiar, and I'm seeing something like "Hey, maybe I can do better than this tired-looking woman who's exhausted by taking care of...
    >>> on Forum topic - Six weeks with husband gone. What I'm learning.

  • by: Rosered - 56 min 20 sec ago
    My spouse has a decades' long pattern of using medications and then self-adjusting or stopping the meds because "they don't do anything," although it is my observation that he always functions better when he's using medications.
    >>> on Forum topic - Contradictory messages about spouses' role

  • by: c ur self - 56 min 23 sec ago
     I resented our family and friends not being able to see through this. I tried talking to his mum -big, big mistake. Her children are perfect and my husband in particular is the golden child. It must be me. But I knew that it wasn't entirely me. Just wanted to make one comment about your statement I highlighted...I did this very same thing for the very same reasons....I was so bitter and angry, I wanted some of our 4 children to rescue me I guess...I was like can't you see!...My closest friend and his wife...
    >>> on Forum topic - Progress and hope - a long term look back

  • by: Icefishinglady - 1 hour 3 min ago
    "Optimize the chemistry first" - and if s/he resists/refuses/procrastinates endlessly on that, then... ??? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Contradictory messages about spouses' role

  • by: Standing - 1 hour 20 min ago
    Life feels smoother here since i have been practicing behaving less like a b-hole ;) When i read your post, thought of female family members who did this "wouldn't it be nice if WE " routine that often required male family members to invest the bulk of the effort. My Dad was a great sport about it. Others, not so much. From what i saw and learned, i tend to make plans only when i manage the whole thing myself. My husband doesn't know how lucky he is! Haha. Anyhow, glad it worked out :) and blessings to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: c ur self - 1 hour 37 min ago
    Very encouraging!
    >>> on Forum topic - Staying focused on the positive.

  • by: Icefishinglady - 1 hour 44 min ago
    Yesterday I read an astute comment somewhere, comparing ADHD to being enslaved to every thought that enters one's head. How apt. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Update on situation and request for feedback, please

  • by: c ur self - 1 hour 55 min ago
    I put the statement in the shredder...And when I told her we could do it, if she was willing to do half the house work in preparation, and half the cooking and half the cleaning afterward etc...She didn't seemed to be interested any longer....Thanks ladies, I appreciate y'alls input...Our past and the way she lives her life is tough on me....Don't want to be a Butt hole....Just don't want to be taken advantage of either, If I can detour it....Blessings!
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: c ur self - 2 hours 12 min ago
    Two things, I appreciate your honesty that is why I asked....Secondly, my wife lives quiet self absorbed, with a desire for co-dependency. She works 8 days 10 hour shifts ( not because she has to, because she has another life, she can't give up as for as responsibilities go, an empty house, storage bills, etc...hopefully you get the picture....She gets home from work around midnight, and watches TV, while the adderall wears off...I usually hear her climb in bed around 3 am...she sleeps until 12:10 or so,...
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: Icefishinglady - 2 hours 11 min ago
    I've moved away now but sure can relate to this. There was ALWAYS a "better" way to do something - "why don't you - this is how I do it - blah blah blah".  I felt like a child being instructed in things I've been doing for 40+ years. Laundry, cooking, etc. It was ridiculous - and despite my assertively saying that I was perfectly fine doing it the way I was accustomed to doing it, and that the end result was what mattered, and that I felt annoyed and irritated - he kept doing it. I guess he just could not...
    >>> on Forum topic - If I get micromanaged ONE MORE TIME...

  • by: Standing - 2 hours 17 min ago
    He would be hurt and offended, i think. The suggestion to speak for yourself, after thoughtfully considering what You can reasonably view as what would realistically be Your part in it (i.e., you would be responsible for all of the tough stuff :)) - that is the way which rings truest and best to me. I am trying to view such notions in a similar way to loaning money to a family member. If their defaulting on the loan would put me in jeapardy, i must say No. It's gotta be a free gift with no strings, or I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: kathy6521 - 2 hours 34 min ago
    Apparently I am the only one who can see dishes in the sink, towels on the floor, etc. I've made list after list, even let him choose what he can do. The only headway we ever made is that he hates dusting the furniture. Great, I'll do that if he vacuums for me once in a while, particularly when my fibromyalgia is acting up. Does this happen? About once every 6 months. And he thinks I'm silly for cleaning when we have company. I have had to relax my standards of cleanliness but I can only take so much...
    >>> on Forum topic - nope, can't rely on him

  • by: sunlight - 2 hours 57 min ago
    A rather amusing thing that happens with my husband's psychiatrist, after husband describes some problem. Psych "And what would you like me to do about that?" This gets the point across to him. I don't know why more "experts" don't put the truth bluntly except my not-so-oblique reference in the title. It's a brain disorder, it's chemical and physical. Optimize the chemistry first and see what's left. Maybe there are not so many neurochemistry experts...
    >>> on Forum topic - Contradictory messages about spouses' role

  • by: sunlight - 3 hours 16 min ago
    I don't think so. I agree with ISE, it sounds like a reprimand and one from a person who wants to score points and ammunition for later ("I did warn you about your conduct"). Heck I would screw it up and throw it in the bin even without ADHD. She has a brain disorder, if she was the same as my husband (I don't know) she would be thoroughly confused about the formal tone and ready to act as though she'd just been slapped.
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: c ur self - 3 hours 22 min ago
    It was about adopting an international college student as kind of surrogate parents/ friends to bring into our home and get to know...Yes, dede...after I told her I didn't think it wise for us, she of course, said she had already spoke positive to the lady about it...It's not that it's not a worth while endeavor...It's just that my wife will start something like this and I am left doing all the work or most of it....Our life before the separation was me parenting, and working myself to death, while she was...
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: sunlight - 3 hours 23 min ago
    This kind of thing can happen without ADHD, imo (I have kids and grandkids and have been left in the lurch more times than I care to think). And I've also been dumped headlong into business crises (I like to think not all self-inflicted but sometimes life is boring without a crisis). I'd act as if he was away on a business trip. Do what you need to do and carry on as if he wasn't there. Let other people help if you have any around.
    >>> on Forum topic - How do I work with this?

  • by: Mapper - 5 hours 56 min ago
    I was on the verge of texting her, but then didn't. What good is it going to do if she responds to me? It will just make him feel bad that she won't respond to him. It kills me too that he seems to think she's just going through a phase and says things like "Next time she comes up we'll make this for dinner" and "I hope she comes for Christmas". She doesn't want anything to do with you! Not now and most likely, not for a very long time, if ever. He can't just expect her view of him to change without him...
    >>> on Forum topic - Should I text my stepdaughter on H's behalf?

  • by: dedelight4 - 6 hours 11 min ago
    curself, Did your wife already commit to the job? That's something my husband usually would do. He takes on jobs without consulting me most of the time, and they most always take time away from us as a couple and don't pay enough to warrant the hours and money it takes to fund each project. The latest one was a movie job where he had to write the music for an independent movie. He was SO EXCITED that he might become "famous" or get more work out of this, but the project took over 10 years to complete. The...
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability?

  • by: dedelight4 - 6 hours 34 min ago
    Mapper, I understand that your husband wants you to do this for him, but it is his job to re-connect with his daughter. The daughter will see through your attempts, like she did before, and then just get angry with you AND him for it. I'm from a blended family, and have had to be the go-between myself, and let me tell you, it doesn't usually turn out well. Everyone ends up angrier than before, and nothing really gets resolved.     This is your husband's daughter, and HE needs to be the one who makes...
    >>> on Forum topic - Should I text my stepdaughter on H's behalf?

  • by: c ur self - 12 hours 19 min ago
    I suggest you start today separating yourself emotionally from trying to solve his dilemma...Your post is full of all the Red Flags that are so familiar to me about my own life....You are equipt to be a wife, a mom, and a happy expecting mom:) Congratulations!....He is equipped to work and be a provider, be a husband, and Father. If you continue to worry and intervene into things that only he can be responsible for and to, you will suffer emotionally and physically...Husbands/Men just need their wives to...
    >>> on Forum topic - How do I work with this?