Recent Comments
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by: smith -
My name is Mrs Anabel Smith, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr EHIS, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some...>>> on Forum topic - I need support and advice please
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by: CosmicJoke -
Having a spouse with ADHD vs. having a son with it... We can become like Sisyphus, if we are not careful. We are overwhelmed...which makes us grateful for help from the spouse...which leads to more disaster....because we are overwhelmed due to the actions of the spouse... Yes, I learned my costly lesson--husband is not allowed anywhere near that rental, not even to take a plunger to the toilet. Better to pay the handyman a few bucks or do it myself, and not risk the tenants building any kind of...>>> on Forum topic - As spouses/partners go...isn't Impulsive and Inattentive/Impulsive the....
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by: OverwhelmedWife -
I'm not sure that your H doesn't also have the impulsive trait, given that he went off on that student and he gave that tenant advice.....and also you can't trust him in court ( I wouldn't be able to trust my H in court either because he would say the wrong thing (he has little/no filter and has no clue how certain things will sound or "come off" to a judge or authority figure. I typically have to "go over" with him what he can and can't say when we have to deal with important stuff with others...>>> on Forum topic - As spouses/partners go...isn't Impulsive and Inattentive/Impulsive the....
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by: OverwhelmedWife -
What prompted this question was earlier questions about whether someone should "run for the hills" if they're dating someone with ADHD. My older son has some ADHD (inattentive) but I don't think anyone should run for the hills. He's very nice, never yells, isn't argumentative, very hard worker, educated, makes very good money, thoughtful, generous, but very good with money. He just gets focused on something....can't put a book down (well, he will to go to work), gets "addicted" to a game, sport,...>>> on Forum topic - As spouses/partners go...isn't Impulsive and Inattentive/Impulsive the....
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by: CosmicJoke -
I've never pondered this before...May I ask what prompts you to pose the question? Chez moi: Inattentiveness Greatest Hits (abridged version): 1. H picks up phone call from my tenant, informing him that she is moving out in 3 weeks. H has a pleasant "best of luck" convo w/her--unaware, of course, that the lease requires this info be given in writing and that more advance notice be given. After this lovely conversation in which he gives her fatherly advice about moving and new chapters in life, H hangs...>>> on Forum topic - As spouses/partners go...isn't Impulsive and Inattentive/Impulsive the....
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by: Rosered -
"They begin to attribute and pin all of the problems past and future on the diagnoses, thereby obsolving themselves of liability." This was true in my marriage, except that the "they" was not me (the spouse without adhd) but my husband, the one with ADHD. "Hey, I have a disease, I don't have to do anything except bask in the glory of being a victim!" Meanwhile, I continued to bust my ass to try to figure out solutions. Well, as they say, it takes two to tango but only one to make the dancing duo...>>> on Forum topic - Not sure marriage can be saved
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by: dedelight4 -
Thanks again for this new post. It sheds more insight on ADHD marriages. I'm sorry your wife is blaming you for your condition. That can't be easy at ALL, and must hurt. I'm so glad you are posting here, because we DO need to hear from folks struggling with this condition, and how it affects them, and how WE can help and/or do things in better ways to no "react" or be hurtful back. THANKS SO MUCH.>>> on Forum topic - Have any non-ADHD partners been able to find happiness with an ADHD partner???
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by: Amazon35 -
Bobbybigdrum - I appreciate your response! It's funny because I finally finished the book and I was trying the learning conversation last night with hubby and it fuckin worked!!!! In the mist of the conversation he said almost exactly what you said at the bottom of your last response "Confusion with flashes of brilliance, on an inconsistent basis". I initially thought he was full of shit, but as he continued to monolog me I thought maybe it is true. And then boom here is your statement. So Bobby...>>> on Forum topic - Have any non-ADHD partners been able to find happiness with an ADHD partner???
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by: bobbybigdrum -
I could have chosen my words better. You're right. I have a typical dry New England sense of humor. I shouldn't have belittled the complexity of an ADHD marriage. All women are different, and react differently to their own problems and issues. My wife is a fighter, she will fight every issue, all day any day, as far as you want to take it. She blames me for an inordinate amount of issues, and I am not comfortable conceding to alot of what she says, purely based on the fact that I have ADHD. There is a...>>> on Forum topic - Have any non-ADHD partners been able to find happiness with an ADHD partner???
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by: bobbybigdrum -
Vivien, you wrote alot back to me for someone who isn't interested in my input :) I am playing with you on the above. I couldn't help but feel as I read your post that there was a large amount of scapegoating going on. Please don't take my blunt honesty as an insult. I do not want to insult you in anyway. I think our subconscious minds always want to blame our own issues on something else, protect our ego. Often times when one spouse is diagnosed, the other spouse see's this as a recognition of...>>> on Forum topic - Not sure marriage can be saved
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by: bobbybigdrum -
Hi, Thank you for your thoughts. No doubt my son's sickness is a huge stressor on the entire family. I don't think there is an hour within the day that I don't think about it. This even 3 years after his diagnoses. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It brings up so many fears about how he will manage in this unforgiving world. We are fortunate to be in the Boston area, so Children's hospital has been a blessing. Not only in the way they care for Nolan, but maybe even more for the...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Catch 22
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by: c ur self -
I love your post, it's real...Also I will pray for your Son...I know your heart is breaking....I will try to give you some food for thought concerning your questions...First your questions about how do you know when it's ADHD or when it's something else...Or when it's your wife's issues....Let me add here it's not about those questions...And you are definitely right about ADHD OR NOT we all have issues (we are all messed up)...So how are we going to address it...ADHD isn't the problem usually, its the...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Catch 22
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by: c ur self -
The first few years of my marriage I talked about what I was living in w/ some of our family and my own close friends..(before counseling)...It was the wrong thing to do...My daughter just cried...And said Dad we just want you to be happy...They truly hated that I was so miserable....My best friend and his wife just begged me to leave her... In hind site I should have never been so weak as to discuss my pain with them, there was absolutely nothing they could do...I guess I was I hoping someone would just...>>> on Forum topic - Do your friends/family understand?
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by: Rosered -
I've been thinking a lot today about your posts. Not to minimize the effects on you and your wife of your ADHD and other "baggage" and her baggage, but I wonder if what is really making your marriage go off the rails is your son's illness. It would devastate me to have a child with a serious illness; my children are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I can tell that you are devastated, and I'm sure your wife is, too. So maybe with this huge essentially uncontrollable thing (your son's illness...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Catch 22
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by: Vivien -
Thank you for this line "Now the choice I can make is that I do not need his acknowledgement to make something real for I-Me-Liz" This has been a real struggle for me. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to get him to acknowledge the impact this has had on me. Thanks..I really needed that! I will now go repeat that 500 times until I truly believe and accept it. I need to stop wasting my energy! :-)>>> on Forum topic - what happens if I don't care any more
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by: Rosered -
"I cant help but notice while reading this forum, many non-ADHD spouses are not willing to take responsibility for character flaws they bring to a marriage." Funny, my husband also seems to think that I don't take responsibility for my flaws. I've been fighting my flaws my whole life. I continue to do so. I'm willing to fix anything that is within my power to fix. Great. That leaves a bunch of stuff that I have no control over. Vent over. I'm sorry about your life, particularly about your child...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Catch 22
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by: Vivien -
Sorry, had to add a bit more since I have had some time to think about why your comments were so hurtful. I think it is because a lot of us non-ADHD spouses have spent years having to be the bad guy in the relationship. We have felt the need to become nags and even hateful in order to keep the ADHD spouse on task. You can not possibly understand what it is like to be us, like I can't possibly understand what it's like to have ADHD. What mostly set me off were the implications that I was uncaring,...>>> on Forum topic - Not sure marriage can be saved
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by: Vivien -
Thank you all! To know I am not a horrible witch and nag...not really :-) and am among people who get what's like is truly a blessing.>>> on Forum topic - Do your friends/family understand?
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by: Vivien -
Bob, With all due respect, I am not interested in your input. You appear to have misunderstood and misconstrued my situation. Any decisions/conclusions about my mental health and my situation with my husband were made together, with input from our family doctor, counselors, my husband and myself. You may not want to admit it, but it is very possible for my husband's ADD to have had a significant impact on my mental well being. My husband certainly recognizes the impact it has had on me. I never had...>>> on Forum topic - Not sure marriage can be saved
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by: dedelight4 -
BobbyBigDrum. I apologize for the rant. I know you are ADHD. I'm still learning to not "react" when ADHD shows up. This has been THE ONLY forum and place I can voice my words and opinions. I don't say them to my husband. He has NEVER understood when I tried to talk to him about saying things that are "hurtful". I have NEVER yelled at him for what he hasn't been able to understand. But, it did affect me terribly. It is important that folks WITH ADHD get to post here, and I welcome it when you do. We...>>> on Forum topic - Have any non-ADHD partners been able to find happiness with an ADHD partner???