Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 10 hours 2 min ago
    (I like things neat and tidy - not obsessive - and things put away when they are finished being used.  My spouse likes everything right out where he can find it.  The counter is a landing spot for anything and everything.) (The trick is learning to find a way that both partners can feel comfortable.) Just reading your post and thought I would chime in:)...I to feel as you do concerning your first statement here...Keep the counter's, bar, and table useable...Seems like a sane thing to do, right? lol.......
    >>> on Forum topic - Paradigms

  • by: evergreen - 10 hours 53 min ago
    Rosered- My spouse is also adhd spouse, and is constantly saying very negative and depressing things about his family.  He is adhd, depressive, isolates himself, AA, list goes on...  There is rarely a positive comment out of his mouth until we are in bed.  He has sucked me into his work life and I am clawing out of that.   His mom is not at the level of your spouses', but probably will be there soon.   Here is what I am doing now.   I am literally not listening.   I basically ignore 90 percent of what he...
    >>> on Forum topic - Spouse's hopelessness and misery

  • by: Rosered - 13 hours 34 min ago
    Great idea!  Thank you again.
    >>> on Forum topic - Spouse's hopelessness and misery

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 13 hours 35 min ago
    Rosered, It is extremely hard for me to know what to say - as my own life is so involved in egg-shell walking and discerning when to say what, what not to say, and what is worth saying at all. That said, it may be an idea to let him know how you respect all he is doing for his parents, and you see how burned out he is getting.  It would not work to 'ask,' because if he says, "No,"  then you would just be going against his wishes.  Coming up with a way to state your intentions of calling on such and such...
    >>> on Forum topic - Spouse's hopelessness and misery

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 13 hours 59 min ago
    I still check his clocking history on his work website to see when he gets in and when he leaves.    I will encourage you, as hard as it is, to at least allow yourself to get to the spot where you no longer 'check - up' on him.  All it seems to do is give you the ammunition to say "Yep.  I was right."  I experienced releasing myself from this sort of behavior - NOT at  all with my spouse, but rather with my teenager children.  Every morning it was a battle to get them out of bed and ready for school or...
    >>> on Forum topic - H's attitude had been great for 2 months...until yesterday!

  • by: ds1977 - 14 hours 4 min ago
    Maybe he's jealous that have these kind of work functions to attend. Instead of nicely telling you to have fun,as he should,he chooses to ignore the fact that you are out having fun without him.  Hope you have a Merry Christmas. 
    >>> on Forum topic - H couldn't remember what I told him 24 hours prior!

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 14 hours 8 min ago
    Mapper, This scenario is probably one of the most mystifying things I have struggled with in recent months.  How do you get to enjoy the "couple" events that any spouse so looks forward to?  How does their brain work?  How does it get so mixed up?  How much can we do as the spouse, to keep the twosome event on track?  It is my role to be a helper/helpmate, not the Mother keeping him towing the line.   It is heartbreaking.  I am filled with anxiety over my niece's wedding this Saturday.  Will we get there...
    >>> on Forum topic - H couldn't remember what I told him 24 hours prior!

  • by: Rosered - 14 hours 23 min ago
    Thank you!  I appreciate your response.  What do you think of the following plan?  My husband keeps saying he'll call the local aging-resources agency but he hasn't yet done so.  Is it too much like an ultimatem to ask him to call the agency by a certain date and to say that if he doesn't do so, I will call on his behalf?  
    >>> on Forum topic - Spouse's hopelessness and misery

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 14 hours 26 min ago
    Rosered, From my own life's experience of watching my Mother caretake my grandmother, my in-laws caretake first my Father-in-Law, and then my Mother-In-Law, regardless of your spouse's own issues - he needs Caretaker Respite.  Seriously.  My mother was adamant that no one could care for her Mother the way she could - not even her 2 sisters.  It was hard to watch. I love my Mom from here to the Moon and back - but it hurt my heart to watch her frustration and impatience with my Grandma.   In my own...
    >>> on Forum topic - Spouse's hopelessness and misery

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 19 hours 38 min ago
    CosmicJoke, I understand so well being haunted by past events.  Some things seem that I will never  get closure on. . . odd things that are difficult to explain to anyone, as they pile up and up and up in the 'Unresolved Why' pile.   Yes, indeed, it is healthy to forgive - let go - seek out the gratitude - yet when I looked back, realized the pattern, and then try to explain - I see my own mistake:  I excused it away - over and over.  And now, I know the pattern, I try to explain why I get frustrated,, I...
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: CosmicJoke - 20 hours 51 min ago
    I'm at that corner always crammed with pedestrians. The baby is in the stroller--actually in an empty clementines box in the stroller. I go a few feet to do something, come back, my baby is gone! My fault--stupid, stupid, how could I? And my other son wants to help, but how can I make this his problem, and... And I'm sweating in bed...and I know I must get up...must go find my baby...but how?...where?...hopeless?...and I'm tired...and worst of all...I realize I lack the strength to look for him and loath...
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: TTT - 1 day 7 hours ago
    Thank you for your response.  I was beginning to think I was crazy, I've read both of those books cover to cover, along with all of the downloads, during the waiting period for the appointment.  We're very rural and don't have a local CHADD chapter.  I was careful about getting the referral from a professional I know in the psychology field, but couldn't find anyone specifically identifying with adult ADD.  My husband just seems empowered by these statements, as though there can't possibly be anything...
    >>> on Forum topic - No such thing as Adult Diagnosis?

  • by: Mapper - 1 day 12 hours ago
    Well he tells me it's not really mandatory, but he gives his word so much there and then takes it back by doing this. I saw his text that morning to his coworker and it said "Running a little late" this was at 3:45 when he was supposed to be there at 3. Then at about 8 he texts "Didn't reset my alarm and overslept". Yeah right. I saw you physically turn OFF your alarm after it went off the first time!
    >>> on Forum topic - H's attitude had been great for 2 months...until yesterday!

  • by: ds1977 - 1 day 15 hours ago
    Its sounds like your husband has a very understanding boss. I work alot of overtime because my wife has alot of health and mental problems, so she can't work full time. She also has alot of debt. If I agreed to work overtime and then decided I didn't want to at the last minute I would be in trouble. Best of luck to you.
    >>> on Forum topic - H's attitude had been great for 2 months...until yesterday!

  • by: MariaL - 1 day 16 hours ago
    Do it.  Take care of yourself.  If you don't have kids, your life is yours; take it back.  Kids are the only reason to hesitate.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Done with Trust, Taking Back My Life

  • by: Mapper - 1 day 17 hours ago
    The party was fine. We were only there for the first part because the second part involved being on a boat for 3 hours which he didn't want to do because we wouldn't even get home until 11PM and he had to be at work for OT at 3AM the next morning. Oh, I and I heard 3 times that week that he WAS going to work on Saturday, even though I told him not to so we could enjoy the party. Nope, nope...he was definitely going to work to get that extra money. We were home by 9PM so he could get to bed and be up by 2AM...
    >>> on Forum topic - H's attitude had been great for 2 months...until yesterday!

  • by: 20YrVet - 1 day 18 hours ago
    Please, please get help. The fact that you are blaming yourself, that you are having trouble eating, and that you are feeling "sick and insane" means that you need help. Not because you are sick and insane, and not because you should never question your outlook, but because you NEED support in this marriage. Please do whatever you can to see a counselor. You do mention a counselor, but I'm not sure if it is yours or his or someone counseling him at work. If you mentioned your own counselor, should you...
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 1 day 19 hours ago
    Almost 90% of adults with ADHD are undiagnosed.  This isn't because they don't have ADHD...it's because they don't KNOW they have ADHD and haven't been diagnosed.  The therapist you are talking about is confusing the issue - the diagnostic criteria for ADHD say that you must have had it as a child in order to have ADHD...but not that you must have been diagnosed.  The way therapists figure this out is by taking a history.  Typical indicators, or 'clues' that one might havef ADHD include:  underperformance...
    >>> on Forum topic - No such thing as Adult Diagnosis?

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 2 days 6 hours ago
    kat817, I understand your frustrations.  You've found a great place to find encouragement, understanding and help.   Hope you continue to read and post.   Liz
    >>> on Forum topic - Done with Trust, Taking Back My Life

  • by: sheann - 2 days 18 hours ago
    So Tired of it,   I understand your fight.  I have a husband that is adhd and add to that he is also a narcissist.   We have 3 daughters together and the middle daughter is almost 22 yrs old and is adhd.   She was married for a little over 2 yrs to a husband that she wore out, he came from a family who never tought him the most basic skills such as cooking or driving.  Sounds exactly like what your going through.   They are now divorced but, they had no children.   She was in the air force and is now back...
    >>> on Forum topic - So tired of it...

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