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by: honestly -
I’m pretty sure I was dealing with narcissism and autism with him, as well as ADHD. And my own repetition compulsion and bloodyminded refusal to admit defeat. A toxic mix.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
I think research is probably thin on these relationships. Have pubmed-ed and found a few articles on the subject, they mainly concluded especially female partners of ADHD people are more miserable than people in general. The (sometimes unaware?) parasitism of ADHDers is something I’ve pondered on too. To me it seemed there was no ill intent, but very bad self-aweareness. And yes, I feel very much like I’ve carried a tick for twenty years. I’m aghast to hear your description of how...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
my profession involves an acceptance of uncertainty. I am constantly aware that all the possible data has yet to be uncovered, that other interpretations exist, or will come into existence; that I do not have the final word; I just offer my informed understanding at that point in time. It is good practice; it leaves space for others to explore, and the potential for further questioning to happen, and further developments to take place. So I am sceptical of certainty. And in the writing about...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
I agree about parent-child dynamic being an inadequate description, as far as I’ve experienced ADHD marriage. Begging for the ADHD partner to state a preference, asking for their opinion on joint responsibilities, while having to make decisions alone, never wanting to, that’s not parent-child dynamic. Neither is overworking to compensate, nor juggling chaos when ADHD dysfunction disrupts family life. That’s plain and simple an adult unable to fulfill adult responsibility. And another adult being...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
YouTube :Understanding - Time Bandits>>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately
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by: Swedish coast -
Your longing for a family to trust in and belong to is so relatable to me, as is the feeling the chosen partner and their extended family are completely wrong for it. Sometimes letting go of hope entirely is freeing. Please remember the family system you’re in now effectively blocks out other people, who could make you feel safe and valued. If I could suggest something, it would be to get in touch with your cousins. Perhaps they want to be an important part of your future. I know I’d...>>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting
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by: honestly -
I feel where you’re at; for me I categorised it as ‘inertia’ - that I had to carry so much I couldn’t bear to take on one more thing, even if I’d love to do it - so you miss out on lovely things. And the loneliness in their company I get too. I too have been so lonely in my marriage. We split now 10 months ago and after the immediate shockwaves it has been so peaceful and good, and I find I can do things without them being anything more to carry. One thing I wonder might help you most...>>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting
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by: honestly -
I started from the unenviable position of being raised by narcissists; I had a very limited sense of self, my own opinions, what I liked and disliked or even that I mattered, because everything was focused on someone else, the narcissist. I turned to my ex as someone who exhibited a similar authority to my dad. He knew who he was and he was important and I should listen to him and we should do what he wanted. But then I found myself living in this weird through-the-looking-glass realm where what he...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: BurnedOutLady -
It is 100% certain IMO that you will live in misery and end up having to leave later when it is so much harder or even impossible. A lot of people who post here are already trapped in terrible circumstances that they got into not realizing how bad the problem was. You, on the other hand, are seeing the full disaster right now, and there is no way this gets better without Herculean effort and even then maybe not. My advice to people who would rather avoid grinding grief is to avoid it, don't walk right...>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: BurnedOutLady -
It took years for me realize that his RSD was this giant gaslight that was totally messing with my heart and mind and soul and entire concept of who I am. Now I have told him for years that I can't allow myself to see myself through HIS warped lense. There is no way he is clear or sane when it comes to his assessment of me.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I met with new therapist this week and had good session. Therapist has agreement to see both spouse and me for couples therapy, so after giving my husband my schedule and therapist’s phone number, he did call and make an appointment for next week (only took him 3 weeks to do so!). I also met with attorney yesterday. Attorney too (as therapist) was shocked at husband’s actions/explanations for taking so many funds for his business over the past 5 years (attorney called it magical thinking)....>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: J -
I have that too. "Existential understanding is the philosophical awareness that individuals are born without a pre-defined purpose ("existence precedes essence") and are entirely responsible for creating their own meaning, values, and identity through free choices. It involves accepting the "absurd"—a world lacking inherent meaning—and living authentically by embracing personal freedom and responsibility.">>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately
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by: Swedish coast -
So sorry about this. As Melody says below, it sounds like you have to work incredibly hard for this love. It shouldn’t be that hard. I’ve spent many years with a partner who became increasingly ill with ADHD-related anxiety, depression and burnout. The increasingly unmanageable way he fought and the terrible things he said when upset made me have to leave him. I can relate well to your experience of doing absolutely all you can for her to feel safe, only to have it thrown back in...>>> on Forum topic - Round in circles
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I’ve been a little worried about your winter outdoor plans. But the dynamic of your ex’ house seems definitely worse than most other living arrangements. I hope you get out of there soon. Please take care.>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey Rupert. From an outsider's perspective, it really sounds like being with her is a lot of work. The constant texting throughout the workday and commuting is already a lot and then there's these arguments on top of that. I really think she needs to understand that trust is important to you and that the distrust is her issue not yours and she needs to stop making it yours. I don't know if you're ready to draw a hard line yet, but it would help her to know that you are not going to entertain...>>> on Forum topic - Round in circles
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by: EmsGran0 -
I find this trend frightening in regards to what is going on in the medical news. Especially false and misleading assertions like the Tylenol causes Autism. My daughter has Autism, I did not take Tylenol when I was pregnant. Coming from the doctors who tested her they found it likely to be a genetic component. Thank you for sharing this blog, we need more push back regards to these false claims.>>> on Blog post - Tylenol, Autism, oh my!
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by: Rupert82 -
Yes I can understand where you are coming from with the distance thing it's not ideal but I actually spend more time with her than away from her, luckily I'm self employed and I can pick my own hours so I can move things around, but I still have to go home for work, My main issue I have is how volatile it gets when we argue, the worst part is I don't drink and when we argue I remember every hurtful thing that is said where as she remembers nothing, So I am left to try and explain what...>>> on Forum topic - Round in circles
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by: J -
Yesterday, in another post, I made a statement I was feeling "regulated" comparing that to my soon to be ex-partner. I think vocabulary is important ( for me at least ) in my ability to understand someone. If people don't "say what they mean"..it cam lead to problems with communication. I don't take "hints" well at all...so indirect or inaccuracies in language are not only problematic...it's literally sometimes, the difference between connection and no connection. And that's a big deal...>>> on Forum topic - I Truly Believe, that the Priveledge
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by: Swedish coast -
Apart from ADHD component of this, it sounds like your partner has a very real problem with you being away for work. This I believe is common. Spending most of the time hours away, especially in the beginning of a relationship, is certainly not for everybody. Presence is calming like nothing else. I suggest you ask her if your long commute is working for her. And you could also ask yourself if her reactions are working for you. Saying hurtful things and then forgetting all about...>>> on Forum topic - Round in circles
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by: J -
I'm learning a whole new vocabulary which is really helpful ( as I tend to overexplain! ). I was feeling angry this morning and here's why. I guess in part this is a need for support and a bit of venting ...and it has to do directly with this topic. I've only shared parts of my plan, which is well thought through. More than anything right now, I trust myself, my skills and knowledge and above all else, my experience. Because I'm going to need all of these things combined to do what I've planned...>>> on Forum topic - What makes a person stay?
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