Recent Comments

  • by: dvance - 6 hours 11 min ago
    How might you feel if you consistently went to do something and found the other person already did it, did it over or did it differently and then later complained that you never do it or do it correctly especially when it something that you don't like doing or don't do well in the first place? Okay this---I'd be embarrassed that I wasn't holding up my end of the life partner deal.  ADHD people so rarely pull their own weight it's hard not to just operate around them.  If we waited for them to ACT, the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: dvance - 6 hours 21 min ago
    I second the above poster-it is not possible to communicate with and ADHD person without conflict.  My DH is so much like this.  He does virtually nothing I ever ask him to do.  If I start to empty the dishwasher, for example, he hears me from the other room and he'll say "oh leave it, I'll do it."  The first few times he said it I would stop doing it but DH never actually finished the job, so now when he says that I don't ever answer of say anthing, I just keep doing it.  This happens with pretty much...
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: 20GT - 8 hours 51 min ago
    Thanks When I was called up she asked what I was here for today. I told her I feel I have ADD or ADHD. She said we don't call it ADD anymore its all ADHD either inattentive or hyperactive or both. Which do you feel you have? Your a bit old to get diagnosed. I told her I have adapted well, I don't lose my keys anymore because I clip them to my belt. I stay organised by making lists. always thought it wasn't a problem but apparently it is. She said so you and then read off a list of symptoms. I nodded yes...
    >>> on Forum topic - Going to my diagnosis app today

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 15 hours 44 min ago
    Hi redhead1017, The answer to your question:  Communicating without conflict - is it possible? is simply , no.  Two or more people equals two or more ideas, and here you have conflict.  As sure as the sun rises and sets everyday, so will two people have different ideas. It is a normal part of every relationship   Move on over to the resolution or facilitating a peaceful end - and there is where the problem is residing.    
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: JJamieson - 17 hours 23 min ago
    which was based somewhat from my own experience with my wife's  habit of sometimes "throwing rocks from a glass house" which only weakens her position at the time.....I wanted to follow up in agreement with you here in your case from what you said in this thread.  He's not getting it.   What I've found that works on both sides of the coin is.... you need to pin him down and not let him get up until he can answer "WHY" he wants what he wants and then answer how "HE" is going to do it not you......a clear...
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 17 hours 32 min ago
    Mapper, How can I approach H about going to his job?  This is most probably the wrong question to be asking yourself.  I suggest , "How can I get myself to figure out how to stop thinking it is my job to approach H about his job?"   You may want him to be honest with you - and deep down he may want to - but he CANNOT.  At this point in time.  He could someday.  But right now, when he cannot, you need to step back and detach. It is hard as all get out.  Believe me.  I am there.  I believe what is deep...
    >>> on Forum topic - How can I approach H about going to his job?

  • by: Karinda - 19 hours 28 min ago
    You deserve something much better. I know it can be hard to leave a bad relation, but what you describe sounds terrible to me. seek counselling and help for yourself! I did, and it gave me a new life. No man is worth being a doormat for!  
    >>> on Forum topic - How can I approach H about going to his job?

  • by: Mapper - 19 hours 35 min ago
    Sorry, just venting. Like I said, I'm pretty much a doormat who wants peace at all costs! Too scared to do anything but just stew in my own misery for fear of days of anger from H!
    >>> on Forum topic - How can I approach H about going to his job?

  • by: I'm So Exhausted - 19 hours 41 min ago
    Mapper, I had once heard it said that everyone with ADHD needs an administrative assistant.  Wouldn't we all love one?!?!?!?!?  Anyway, the thing for me on the receiving end is APPRECIATION.  UNDERSTANDING.  Somehow, sometimes, being the helper turns into being the mother - and that is where the problem occurs.  At least, that is what I had experienced.  Now figuring out how to let go, and let my spouse share the burden of our financial situation is my own issue.  I've held the bag for so long, I do not...
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm sick to my stomach and can't concentrate on anything!

  • by: Karinda - 19 hours 42 min ago
    Honestly, when I read your posts I get more and more irritated with you. Just tell the man what you feel, straight out. Or better still, just leave before you have a nervous breakdown. Several people on this forum have given you a lot of good advice but you don't seem to even notice!    
    >>> on Forum topic - How can I approach H about going to his job?

  • by: Mapper - 20 hours 10 min ago
    He had $35 to his name yesterday and do you know what he spent $10 of that on? 2 video rentals! Can I cry now?!
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm sick to my stomach and can't concentrate on anything!

  • by: Patchy - 21 hours 22 min ago
    Hello Ann, I just joined the sight and read your advice from 9/25 2010. I would like to know how things are for you now, was it worth your effort and have things continued to stay good. I too have let things go etc... Didn't last more than six months. My husband is back to ignoring me for five or six days at a time and telling me he is too tired etc...( Why do I do this to him ), always focusing on himself instead of us as a couple. I liked what you had to say and would like to know more... I too pray...
    >>> on Blog entry - Feeling Ignored - The Non-ADHD Spouse Dilemna

  • by: lauren07 - 1 day 6 hours ago
    The memory loss is the worst! It's like mine doesn't even know me:/
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: copingSAH - 1 day 8 hours ago
    slug. you know it's a pretty weird relationship when your ADD spouse asks you where you got that "blemish" on your arm from. What's even weirder is that he was there when you sustained 2nd degree burns on your arm recently.  But he doesn't remember it. And never asked about it either.
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: lauren07 - 1 day 12 hours ago
    We've been separated for two years. I'm currently living with him and his parents, LOL, but it's not half bad. I say to him, "I'm going to karaoke tonight". He says, "On a Thursday?"  Geez, we're over 30 yrs old over here! Why not a Thurs? Why even ask? Geez. Get out more yourself and maybe you wouldn't be so damn miserable. I'm making the most out of having people at home with my child. I've been stuck inside for over four years now!!  
    >>> on Forum topic - ***THE SLUG BOX *** THREAD - PART 2 - drop off your slugs here

  • by: lauren07 - 1 day 12 hours ago
    Wow, totally related to me in many ways. What a whirlwind! I'm glad you got out. These things definitely take their toll on us. Good luck sorting through it with your counselor.  Great advice too. We really do need to put ourselves first most times. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Codependency and when to leave the relationship

  • by: Standing - 1 day 16 hours ago
    I think so, too. Explains alot of what I experienced here when the stress built to maximum levels last month.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: sunlight - 1 day 17 hours ago
    "His lack of awareness of this entire situation is absolutely astonishing" I suggest that he is completely aware.
    >>> on Forum topic - Communicating without conflict - is it possible?

  • by: Standing - 1 day 17 hours ago
    I give you so much credit for being willing to take this step! Best wishes!!!
    >>> on Forum topic - Going to my diagnosis app today

  • by: nina11 - 1 day 17 hours ago
    I was with a man with ADHD for three years. It was a classic textbook ADHD relationship: The hyperactivity romancing, followed by me noticing he needed some help "organizing" (that's my bag so it wasn't a big deal), then some drinking and financial issues ... I fell in love with his children, though, and thought that as long as he was working at it, we could make a go of it. When his temper got really bad and I felt I'd become a bit of a housemaid, I left and moved away. We did the long-distance thing for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Codependency and when to leave the relationship

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