Recent Comments

That's one hard experience. The thing about the original post I made is that I'm not that person anymore.  When I came here I blamed my ADD and believed that my wife couldn't see that I loved her.  The more I tried to show her the more I pushed her away.  From any other perspective, people once looked up to us as a great couple, but in retrospect it seems that what made us great was my wife's effort to keep giving.  She gave me what she thought I wanted until she...

Of course I  mean it.  My husband and I will be married 25 years on April 4th.   He was JUST diagnosed with ADHD last summer and began Adderall on January 6th.  Our lives together have not been this good in many, many years.  I have worked very, very hard to do my part in his management of this disorder. I didn't think I used to have strength and courage, but the mere fact that...

The good news is he is NOT habitually insensitive and inattentive. I only wrote that to him and feel that way because of the fact that he HAS accepted the ADHD and IS committed to working on it, and for the tremendous changes he HAS made. This would have been a whole different post if he had never accepted the diagnosis, or agreed to work on himself. His negative behaviors are NOT overlooked, thanks to my own personal commitment to my boundaries (I make him very aware that I will NOT tolerate behaviors...

YYZ, you're welcome. I gave my guy that list in the form of an email, so I hope he 'heard' it the way you did. I have said some of these things verbally to him, to some extent, in different ways, over time, but given our consistent high emotional turmoil, he has not really 'heard' it. I was hoping (and still am) that the format in which I chose to lay it all out at once, finally made it sink in. When I wrote that and put it on this site, I was hoping that I spoke for some of the...

Absolutely, but only if you mean it! I'm teasing, but please go ahead and use it (and anything else I've submitted here on this site) - my only caveat is that you only give it to him if you truly feel those things (feel free to cut/paste/edit your own thoughts into it). When I first started going through this process, I was taking advice and just blindly doing it, with poor results. I have since realized that I need to really buy into those things that I'm going to try, and only those that I...

ADD Husband Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and being so open.  As I read through your entries here, I find so much I can identify with.  I am newly diagnosed ADD(less than a year ago) at 31 years old.  I consider myself very new to this journey.  I'm still working through different emotions of just trying to reidentify myself, morn a loss of what reality I thought I knew, and except the reality that beats me over the head every morning when I wake up.  These days, the...

That's a very good suggestion and I will read through your links. I just hope I can actually implement it because it gets harder and harder to stay calm when she is yelling at me. This has been going on for eight years and until about a year an a half ago, we didn't even know it was ADHD. Now that I am starting to yell back on a regular basis, she sees me as the one with the problem. If I am completely honest with myself, I HAVE changed for the worse over the past eight years. This fact alone is...

You guys need to research how ADHD affects emotional regulation. Maybe if she learns that while her feelings are right for the situation her brain makes the feelings too damned strong like stronger than they should be. I can't always control it but knowing that my ADHD brain will make feel things much stronger than is warranted can help me to take a few deep breaths and try to calm down.  In my family our counselor is having us work on acknowledging the emotions and working together to calm down...

DF, I applaud your efforts to your marriage. Your will to survive. Your refusal to stop fighting.  It is truly interesting to me how you seem to connect your relationship issues with your ADHD. I dont know much if anything about ADHD so I will not speak to that, however, I have dealt with my own relationship issues and they are quite similar to yours. I have not been tested or diagnosed for ADHD nor has my wife and there has never been even a hint of suggestion that either of us may have this issue....

AMAZING....AMAZING.....AMAZING is all I can say.  I need to print that out and give a copy to my husband (with your permission). I wish you the strength and courage to continue on the good path you are on.  I am in the same point in my relationship as well. again, thank you.  

They are NEVER too far gone, if you love them, and want things to work.  Keep trying counselors, psychologists, social workers, and keep reading!!!!  Try a psychiatrist or even your family GP to get him on medication. I walked in your shoes not too long ago, and for a very, very long time. I wish you the best.

I was referring the post to Melissa.  I would like to thank you for your reply.  He will not even admit to the affair or anything else.  So i am dealing with this on my own.  He was married before he married me.  Everything i have found out he cheated on his first wife with the same person.  But he will not marry this person when he is single.  Your story has given me hope even thou it is heartbreaking.  I am glad you have made it to the other side.  THANK YOU!!!

If only you were my wife. I have ADHD and my wife has seen and read similar lists but refuses to accept that she must make any changes to accommodate me. I am inclined to agree after finally realizing the pain and emotional I have inflicted on her. ADHD is a collection of symptoms and behaviors present in everyone but for someone with ADHD those symptoms create an impairment so significant that daily events and relationships are ..... and thoughts trail off and go in all directions. Do this for about 10...

If you're computing on crossing Valentine's day into your own hands consider some of the abstract above as a configuration for your solo or fly event.

I have been struggling beyond belief with my wife's impulsivity. When she gets upset, she just starts yelling at me and will not back down. It's even worse when I am upset at  her about something and she insists that I am wrong for being upset because she did not do anything and I am just jumping to conclusions (she gets upset at me for being upset at her?!?) In the past, we agreed that when one of us was starting to feel overwhelmed during and argument (emotionally flooded), we would agree to...

I have thought about doing this to all the cabinet doors in the house! So funny... My daughters are really bad about closing cabinets loadly. Maybe THIS weekend I will go to Lowes and end this torture once and for all!

I don't even know how to respond, it's late, the meds are gone and you have written something that I did not know I needed to hear. If my screw ups had not emptied the trust bucket and put her in self-protection mode, I might hear her say some of these things. What you wrote was beautiful.  Thanks

I understand many ADDer's get addicted to all sorts of bad things. Somehow I always feared addiction. Drinking was never to good of a choice for me. Some of my biggest mistakes came after drinking, the initial clarity from things slowing down in my head, but then over simplification of matters and impulsive self destructive behaviors. Drugs... Nope, Way to scared I would like them too much. Porn... Never really got that, fortunately, because of it's ease of access. Food proved to be...

is that when we get to remodeling the kitchen and bathroom, we are going to put soft close hinges on Everything!

I am so grateful to you that you have accepted this process of looking at yourself, and accepting this diagnosis of ADD. I am so grateful to you that you so whole heartedly want to make these positive changes so that we can stay married. I am sorry for all the times I have focused on the negative and not the positive. I am sorry for not being able to truly understand what it's like inside your head. I am sorry for all the times I've told you I felt like you weren't trying, when you honestly...