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by: ForumModerator -
Thank you for sharing your perspective. We know that both partners in ADHD-impacted relationships have very different experiences, and sometimes this space can feel more weighted toward the non-ADHD partner’s voice. Many non-ADHD partners come here seeking support, which can mean their posts reflect a lot of frustration or hurt. That said, members with ADHD are equally welcome here, and your experiences, insights, and needs matter too. Our goal is to provide space for both partners to be heard,...>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: NorthCountryBoy -
As a fellow ADHD sufferer, I would recommend finding other places to pursue learning about ADHD treatment and healing. My experience has been that this forum tends to largely be dominated by non-ADHD partners of ADHD sufferers who need a venue to voice their anger, frustration, exhaustion, and regret, and there's not a lot of room for empathy, compassion, or understanding of those with ADHD here. Steer clear if you can.>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: 1Melody1 -
He wants the benefits of a relationship with you without getting his life in order. Your expectations are not unreasonable. You are just seeking a basic level of accountability and normalcy and shouldn't have to jump through spiritual hoops or live separately for this to work. He is wishing to "solve" this problem without actually solving this problem by addressing his OWN issues that are at the root of the problem!! It doesn't seem like much has changed since you broke up and I know I don't know the...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: Swedish coast -
No, you’re not wrong to question this relationship. Safety is a basic need and the prerequisite for a functional relationship. If you feel insecure, that’s exactly what should make you leave. Your emotions are right, they are trying to protect you. No church will make an unsafe man a safe man to marry. He probably hopes to divert your attention from dysfunctional parts of his life, but once in the relationship, you won’t ever be able to ignore them. You’re not a failure....>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: honestly -
" I feel unseen which taps straight into old wounds of not being believed or cared for as I needed." I experienced narcissistic parenting - I imagine this is what you grew up with? The expectation that my feelings, experiences, opinions didn't matter was familiar, and, I think, that familiarity was part of what drew me to my ex. Your situation sounds genuinely horrible. And horribly familiar. I'd echo Swedish's injunction. Run. But it might be,...>>> on Forum topic - Support for person on receiving end of RSD/DESR
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by: honestly -
Hello, Tigerslair. Been through a lot of that. It erodes your self-worth; you compromise so far that you yourself become compromised; your very self starts to fall apart. He had me believing I was judgemental, critical, negative. Even cruel. I had internalised his narrative of me as a terrible person. Who he would not, however, let go, because he loved me, was so generous to love me, even though I was so horrible. The erosion of self affected all my relationships - with family, friends,...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: Swedish coast -
Having spent two years now trying to recover from ADD divorce, I feel for you. It’s been confusion, sadness, and despair. Especially if you’ve loved your spouse dearly and believed in their good intentions, it’s hard work letting go of them. I guess everyone needs to do this in their own personal way, also depending on how they’ve been treated. For me, firm boundaries have been mandatory. Even though my ex husband has been present in my mind for countless hours after divorce, he’s...>>> on Forum topic - New to ADHD
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: scoobydo -
He is suggesting i accompany him to his new church which i feel strongly is even more pressure on the relationship because we will be accountable to a whole new group of people. Maybe im just too weak, too insecure and too fearful of a woman. I understand that wives need to respect their husbands but I need to feel some semblance of security in this relationship. Attending a new church and having the love and spiritual support is a good thing but its not going to change the fact that he still has...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry. It sounds like he has a really bad case of whatever it is. You clearly suffer. And no, his mother would probably fiercely deny there’s anything wrong with her golden boy. And his colleagues are probably clueless about his rejection sensitivity dysphoria, even if they are all qualified mental health professionals, because with them he’s always been kind, charming and respectful. As a non partner, you probably can’t expect anyone who knows him to verify your experience...>>> on Forum topic - Support for person on receiving end of RSD/DESR
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by: Resigned2B -
Guilt IS productive. It is a gift to help us change and lead our lives in a better direction. It is shame not productive. Shame paralyzes you. Many churches offer professional group therapy for men and/or women who cannot leave behind the dopamine hit that porn addicts you. Make no mistake, it is an addiction. And even the best people can rewire their brain using porn, and it only takes two weeks to officially be an addict. Once you are an addict, you remain an addict. It is always a...>>> on Blog post - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
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by: Resigned2B -
Do chronic liars get a dopamine hit? “Yes, chronic liars can experience a dopamine release when they lie, as the thrill of deception may create a temporary sense of euphoria or satisfaction. This connection is linked to the brain's reward system, which reinforces behaviors that are perceived as rewarding.” ~AI Assist This is exactly what porn users get. If all sex with your significant other means is to get a temporary dopamine hit from your “distracted brain” regardless of the betrayal...>>> on Blog post - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
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by: Regina-Lucy -
So tired...>>> on Forum topic - Support for person on receiving end of RSD/DESR
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by: jeanabeana01 -
Thank you for the read, I do feel this way. I’m having a hard time recovering from catching him. And I know he’s lying, he’s still doing it. I saw a deleted photo that told me everything I needed to know. What really upsets me the most is when I first said something about it his response was sometimes it’s just more convenient because he never knew if I was in the mood or not. I was on a birth control shot and was always bleeding and he said when he started using the porn but now I’m sex drive is back...>>> on Blog post - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
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by: honestly -
There's a lot of ADHD positivity out there - a quick google will reveal a bunch of websites and books - might be worth a look. That said, if you were a friend and had had 30 years of 'nothing but' rage, I would not be recommending reading - I'd be helping you make a plan to leave. My ADHDer ex said he never felt angry, that I was the angry one; but he often manifested anger and was very critical of me. He maintained, ironically, that I was critical. And relentlessly negative. And cruel....>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry you feel questioned and perhaps abused. Neurotypical people seem to come with neurotypical expectations. They will feel let down and used when their expectations are not met. Since they (if they’re decent) hold themselves to the same standards they ask of others, they can’t see any acceptable reason they should be disappointed all the time. The best suggestion I have would be to get out of a relationship where there are neurotypical expectations you can’t meet. There may be a...>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: jennalemone -
You wrote that well. I seem to have gone through very similar back and forth with my ADD husband. It's very familiar to me. My H died last year and I am still trying to sort things out what it was from a clearer perspective. How SHOULD someone respond when the one person who you counted on to love you, hurts you and ignores you? I don't have it worked out completely but just lately I have come to understand and accept how it was with me. I was brought up too look to the Bible for how to be in...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: Tigerslair -
Thank you for your words It’s the loneliness and realisation that I hoped one day it would get better I am grieving for what will never be I appreciate your wisdom and I feel less alone>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: Swedish coast -
I’ve had a lot of this too during a couple of decades, then divorced. The thing about severe ADD (in my partner’s case) is the person is not aware of their impact. They can be magnificently destructive. They can hurt you immensely. They manipulate facts to avoid shame. Still they act like nothing happened and are puzzled you’re still trying to scrape up the remains of your emotional self, weeks later. They’ve forgotten the hurtful words they said or the intensity of their rage. They don’t...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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