-
by: joji -
I feel vindicated by these comments. I KNEW it was not "all in my head.">>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
-
by: joji -
It also does not help that my father is 100% like this as well.>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
-
by: Tigerslair -
What do I do>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
-
by: Tigerslair -
Please is anyone going through the same thing It’s so lonely>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
-
by: J -
Hi justme113, After reading what you said, I can feel the frustration and weight you're carrying with you in terms of feeling abused. You say you cannot express it because we're considered bad, wrong and shameful. This is safe place to express what you're feeling. I also have ADHD and would be interested to know in what ways you feel like we ( people with ADHD ) and yourself are being abused. Not that I haven't felt that way at times, but it's good to share this with others so they know...>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
-
by: J -
As I've had to let go of friends from my past for similar reasons. At one point in time, I told myself: "if you want to be my friend, you'll need to abide by a few basic rule". As I was always eager to accept any friend who'd want me as a friend, I'd find that a few, behaved in ways the were unacceptable to me. I myself, have used that same criteria to access myself and say, "I'm not being a good friend. I'm not following my only rules and reciprocating as I believe I should." In both cases, I've...>>> on Forum topic - Cassandra Syndrome?
-
by: Swedish coast -
J, this you describe I can really relate to. I have an old friend who does what your SO does. It’s gut wrenchingly painful to be subjected to it! For me this doesn’t need to have anything to do with ADHD. However, an avoidant person can really make you suffer. I realized I can’t spend any more time with this person while trying to repair my tender heart after ADD divorce.>>> on Forum topic - Cassandra Syndrome?
-
by: J -
And timely. I had to look it up too, which means I have no professional experience or knowledge about this specifically. I recently read an uncanny description of a person with an avoident attachment style. I read these from time to time as a way to keep me grounded. Is it me, or is it my partner? The answer is of course is both. In the summation however, it said something like ( paraphrasing off tge top of my head ): " Being in a relationship with an avoidan personality isn't easy, they...>>> on Forum topic - Cassandra Syndrome?
-
by: Swedish coast -
In essence, Cassandra syndrome seems to be a popular description of a person’s deprivement due to partner dysfunction that nobody else believes? I’d suppose most non-ADHD partners here have experienced exactly this.>>> on Forum topic - Cassandra Syndrome?
-
by: honestly -
this was the first I’d heard of this; your post sent me off looking. It seems SO accurate to my experience too, and indeed my son’s though I don’t know that it’s usually applied beyond the spouse. From the accounts of oher members I have read, I imagine this will ring true for a lot of others too! I’ll start digging too and let you know if I find anything. Naming is so powerful! I was struggling with all these different elements and now it has a name… .>>> on Forum topic - Cassandra Syndrome?
-
by: Joining4858 -
I like the point of needing less and enjoy simple things. It reminds me of slowing down and trying to perceive things without bias.>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: Joining4858 -
The more I get into the book Supercommunicators, the more I feel it's something that I need to work on or I can be wise about>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: Swedish coast -
Any initiative from the ADHD partner to address relationship unhappiness would make me hopeful! Sorry you’re struggling, but it sounds like both you and your wife are working on communication and that’s the key, I think.>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: J -
Control, overcompensating, "supercomunicating", and maybe deep connection. Control seems to come from many sources, and much of it is unconscious. I know this for sure, which means to be aware you're being controlling is not an easy task. Overcompensating is what people with ADHD do. I'd be surprised to find anyone with ADHD and NOT overcompensate on some level. "Supercomunicating " from your suggested book ( at a glance ) is understanding and knowing the difference between...>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: J -
Hi Joining4858, After reading through what you said, I found I'm confused about the details, but more clear on the bigger picture. And I also feel frustrated just trying to sort it all out. "I've been trying to survive her ADHDness and slightly abusive behavior, " The slightly abusive behavior I can understand from my own experience: a short list of specific behaviors that are generally negative and hard to live with. Those can be worked on and modified with some effort. But what's...>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: Joining4858 -
Hey, thank you for responding. I think you pretty much nailed it on the head. We did go to therapy yesterday, and we discussed things that felt reassuring. So (in her view) when I would "control" her, it was essentially me telling her she's doing too much to fix the relationship. This was confusing for her, because it was previously established that she's not doing enough. Long story short, she would often forget me and leave me behind. In these moments, I would be confused too...>>> on Forum topic - Trying to improve, but hard
-
by: J -
"The measure of a man is what he does with power." — Plato. "Plato emphasizes that true character is revealed when a person holds power. Power can corrupt, but those who use it for good demonstrate integrity and virtue." This is the difference that I know is true. These words have nothing to do with ADHD or any other disorder. When I know I've followed them, I know intrinsically, that I've made the right choice. It's a feeling. That's how I know. J>>> on Forum topic - The end goal
-
by: N4ally2 -
Back when I didn't really understand how ADHD is affecting our marriage, I used to question why my ADHD partner wouldn't speak up and why I always second guess myself if I should or should not say something to my partner because I was afraid of how he would take it. It wasn't until we learnt to communicate with each other, I finally realized by my partner didn't speak up in the past. It wasn't because he didn't want to communicate, it was because he didn't have the confidence to communicate. He was...>>> on Forum topic - ADD inability of communicating boundaries
-
by: honestly -
and totally inappropriate - disappearing for a fortnight without a word! To me it sounds like a raging case of RSD on his part. My ex has this too - taking offence at any tiny thing and making the other person - who is in fact behaving perfectly reasonably - responsible for his extreme feelings. He has done this to me over decades, eroding my mental health, self image and sense of reality. I have just come to realise he’s had a similar effect on our son. Please bear in mind that this behaviour...>>> on Forum topic - Is this the end of a marriage?
-
by: honestly -
re your husband saying he knew about the ADHD effect on marriage: when I was still trying to fix things with my ADHDer husband, I encouraged him to find out more about the general effect of ADHD on partners, and how closely they echoed my own. I wanted to prove to him that I personally am not especially bad at coping with ADHD; which is what his thesis was. I suggested reading posts on this forum to see the parallels. He said ‘I understand your feelings’ and therefore, it seems, did not need...>>> on Forum topic - Is this the end of a marriage?
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. join our Intent-to-Action Membership Program.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
