In the movie, Christmas Vaction, there's a scene where Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase ), is standing in the front yard with his family, after just going through a humorous ordeal, putting up more Christmas lights on his house than anyone in town. This is exemplified by the fact, that the power grid is browning out due to the extra demands from his house alone.
In his joy and exuberance, he shares his adulation with each family member as they congratulation him on a job well done. Until he comes to Art ( Smith ), his father in law.
In this moment, Clark wraps his arm around Art and with a hug says:
" Art....Dad....thank you for coming."
In which Art replies " the little lights aren't twinkling."
Clark: "Thanks for noticing Art."
I'm not exactly sure what compells Art, to pick that time to mention something so insignificant, meaningless and non sequitur. But clearly, from Clark's response, this is no surprise. Even to be expected...it's just who Art is. To the point...he just can't help himself. Not to be malicious or even intentionally thoughtless....he just has to do it, it seems. He's just compelled !
This scene makes me laugh every time I see it. Even thinking about it makes me smile...it's just so ridiculous! Lol
And Clark, despite his own neurotic ways, just brushes it off and moves right along.
I use this scene ( and the example ) every time it happens to me. And it does happen quite regularly, probably for the same reason. My SO just can't help it. It's in her DNA or internal programming to interject comments like this...at the most inappropriate and unnecessary times. These things seem to bother her more, than just about anyone else in the room, but more, she notices minutia, that just aren't important...except to her.
These moments also serve to create distance and push you away, when things are becoming uncomfortably "intimate" as I've noticed. I do believe, this is the purpose they serve as a control means, when the situation is feeling out of control her.
In any event. In my own effort to not be offended or get triggered into anger...I'm using this scene...in the moment...to remind me how ridiculous and not important it really is. It also makes me laugh immediately...which works to stop any emotions that start welling up from my own frustration when they happen.
All I have to do is say..."the little lights aren't twinkling Clark " in my head, and it puts this all into perspective....almost immediately. And I, like Clark, can just let it go becuase in the big picture....it's just not important.
I'm calling this progress on my part...and wanting to share something that works for me.
J
Comments
I've read this 100x
I knew exactly what line u were referring to I the title and I loved where u too it. So much food for thought I've had to re read it about 100+ times
If you notice...
Everyone else says the usual things that people say in these situations, except for Art. I think Art, just has a really difficult time saying anything nice, as it may actually bring him closer to Clark. Clark opens the door, first calling him Art...but then, calling him dad. The door is wide open, but Art just can't walk through it. Instead, he critiques Clark's work, and points out what's wrong instead of what's right.
But I also don't think that's why Art can't say something nice. I think he's too uncomfortable and feels too uneasy with Clark's attempt to be close. That's really what's bugging Art, but of course, he can't say it.
It has absolutely nothing to do with the little lights...or the fact they don't twinkle. And that's exactly what I tell myself in these moments. It's not about me or the thing that she says. It's about what she's not saying or can't say, either way.
Ouch
Yes, I recognize this behavior from somebody close to me. It comes across as possibly jealous and definitely as a lack of generosity. But like you, I think it’s just the way Art’s wired.
How happy we’d all be if we could not be hurt by this kind of thing. Good for you being able to keep it from stirring up emotions.