Forum topic: Looking for advise and help

So I just am looking for some advice. I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I think I’ve know my whole life I’ve had it, my teachers would comment and I remember as a kid what school was like. I was fortunate enough that I was good enough my distractions didn’t make me flail but it was always there. Fast forward and I meet my wife. I see now my hyper fixation when we started our relationship. I would be the best boyfriend. Driving to her work to leave flowers and chocolate when I knew she was having a bad day. Reading the room and going for a walk if I felt she needed it. She lost her mom who she was really close too and I was there to help. We get engaged and after some time she tells me she’s not really ready just yet. I felt it was in our best interest to keep moving forward, partly because my job and partly because that day would always be a hard day for her and I really wanted to start our lives together. I wanted to be there for her always. We got married and didn’t delay it. After a couple years, we had the regular couples fights, I was an avoider, so that I think as the beginning of all this. We moved to the US from Canada. I started a new job and made several friends both male and female. This is now 3 or 4 years into our marriage and I think the hyper fixation has slowly worn off without really realizing it. I’m sure, and I can confidently say my wife probably told me things weren’t the same but I didn’t hear them in the manner she needed. Anyways I made one particular colleague/friend who my wife say red flags from that although she shared with me I ignored. I didn’t seem them and I had zero interest in this person, she was just a work friend/colleague. After having several fights about her nothing changed. My wife tried I know 100000 different ways for me to see but I just couldn’t. I knew nothing was going on, would go on or I would ever put us in that position, but that’s not whats important, I didn’t hear her. After 5 years at the job we left to a new place for a new job and on occasion I remained in contact with those work friends. Some we got pretty close to, my wife included, and others like this lady she didn’t like. I always told her when I heard from this lady and what was going, never a secret. A couple years after leaving that job she came to the area we lived and invited me out for supper. I again didn’t see the red flag, stupid I know, but I had zero interest in this person on than they were a friend. My wife was really mad! I can understand that. I didn’t go for supper. Fast forward a little more, still a lot of similar fights, my wife not feeling heard, nothing feeling like her opinion, perspective etc mattered to me. Not feeling loved. I never got it because all of those things did matter to me, but I couldn’t ever remember conversations, I was always quick to want to move forward. We were on vacation and I heard from this lady again. I told my wife about it. She lost it. Couldn’t believe I would text with her on our vacation. Again I get it. I wasn’t taking time away from anything we were doing but I was on vacation with my wife texting another women. Since thing things have been rough. That was about 8 months ago. We’ve had our ups and down. Recently I lied to her about looking at something in our bedroom. I came clean the next day. WE haven’t spoken in 11 days. I’ve been in the office for the last couple months. I now understand that my ADHD has had a huge impact on our marriage. I’m sure I’m leaving out other fights and things. Here’s my question. I feel my wife is completely burnt out and tired and exhausted from all the pain and suffering and BS I’ve put her through. I would be too. We haven’t talked since my diagnosis and reading all the books about ADHD and marriage and etc I can 10000% see that’s what happened. We could never figure out the WHY I was doing these things, not hearing her, couldn’t remember etc, and now I know. I desperately want to make it right with my wife but I also want to give her her space to takr the time she needs to protect herself. I can only imagine the pain she’s been put through and dealt with. I haven’t been the husband she expected or experienced at the beginning of our marriage. I now see that and have a lot of good idea’s on how to fix it. I’m already on meds and I’ve been working with a therapist for the last couple of years to help myself, but now specifically with someone who specializes in ADHD. Any advice for me? How long do I give my wife space? Am I screwd? Is the damage to much? I know we love each other and she hasn’t left but I would completely understand if she did.