his high sex drive

I sometimes wonder if my husbands high sex drive is a related issue of ADHD,he won't stop at it and when i'm not around he turns to the porn movies.His high sex drive is becoming a little to overbearing sometimes, and I could use a little break, but he won't stop...I am sure that I am not the only person with this problem, but if I say it's too much,it really is too much. I think that it's natural at first when you now meet someone and you are head in heels in love, but I sort to think that after being together for over a year now it would at least slow down.Not so with him, and I am very scared that this type of (high sex drive) could lead to infidelity.If he has not done it already? I would not know, and now I reach a level where the cheating is not even an issue it's the sickness out there I am scared about..I am not going to take chances though, I have a plan and I am going to get a spy camera and hide it in his apartment facing the bed and protect myself.I did not want to do that but his privacy belongs to me seeing that we are married and not living together,I don't know what goes on behind my back when I am not there..I am going to do that for the peace of my mind.I feel sorry for him though,cause the day comes and if he ever cheats, that will be the last time he would be seeing me..Not to long ago for my birthday I had a close encounter with him, and I gave him a second chance, but that's all he gets!Anyone with the same issues feel free to comment and share thoughts........................................................................from:lovehurtsalotwithanger....thank you for listening...   

Always had a High Drive...

I was not diagnosed until age 43, and after diagnosis and meds my drive is just as high. I've never cared about porn, I think the strip clubs are a total waste of money and time. I just need my DW. I've never cheated on her... I think I figured out a long time ago that that I had a tendency for risky behavior and since I knew my DW has a ZERO Tolerance plan that I just avoided putting myself in dangerous situations. After meds, the risky behaviors are all but gone. Be cautious, because risky behaviors and sex addiction are pretty common for ADDer's.

I hope this helps a little...

Thanks YYZ...

Thanks for the good advice,I will be cautious.He is very annoying with his behavior though, I always see him staring down other women and it bothers me a lot.He could never see a pretty girl passing by without undressing them with his eyes,and he makes it look so obvious..I am fed up YYZ and it is going on for too long now.I did confront him about it and he did indeed slow down ,but the truth remains that he is never going to change and that is the hurt that I am feeling on a day to day basis.Everywhere we go everywhere we turn it's a woman he is watching and with the high sex drive he has,I'm afraid that sooner or later that infidelity would be my next forum...I pray not.                                      from:lovehurtsalotwithanger.

Staring at women...

It is interesting that on the first date with my DW, she explained how much it bothered her that previous guys she had dated did this, as well as her ex-husband. I took this message to heart immediately and tried to force myself to Not get distracted by nearby movement, which if it were a girl, would surely look like I was staring at another woman. The funny thing is it's the "Movement" that caught my attention. It could have been a woman, man, child or squirrel passing by. To this day, I won't look at a woman while in the company of my DW. It IS rude to do so. 

If you set the boundary, like my DW did, (Even though I had no idea about "Boundaries") and he ignores them, then the fault is on him. My meds surely make this an easier boundary to stay on the right side of ;)

About the high sex drive.....

My ADHD husband needs lots of sex.  I am fortunate because he as far as I know is not unfaithful.  He had one close encounter a few years ago that really sobered him to his vulnerability in this area.  What is frustrating for me is that I feel like sex is held over my head.  By that I mean that he lets me know he doesn't think we do it enough and that if we don't do it enough he might just 'fall.'  It's what he insinuates that makes me crazy.  And it seems like however much we do it is never enough.  We have been married nearly 30 years and it's at 1 to 2 times per week, sometimes a little less depending on our schedules.  My problem is that I could see it being far more frequent if he would just pay some attention to me and be affectionate in nonsexual ways.  My needs seem to be completely unimportant because he NEEDS sex to feel connected to me - never mind that I may need to be held, comforted, healed - who the hell cares?  HE NEEDS - HE NEEDS - HE NEEDS!!!!  

My oldest son, who has schizoaffective disorder, had a psychotic break last week and I had to have him committed under warrant because he was making death threats against our family and then saying he was going to commit suicide.  In the throes of that, I went to see my mom who celebrated her 89th birthday.  It was a sad visit because her dementia is becoming worse, and in short order she probably won't know who we are.  I came home and had to continue the saga of dealing with my son and his serious mental illness, and then my daughter called and said her manic drug-addicted husband had gone off the deep end and kicked her and their autistic son out of the house. 

But God forbid that he just hold me and let me cry.  God forbid that he just comfort me.  Oh no.  After days of this kind of trauma - which by the way I could not share with him because he was in 'NOT NOW' time zone, he wanted sex.  I've been through this crap before.  If I say no, he gets all dejected and acts like I am personally rejecting him.  I couldn't deal with that - not on top of everything else!  So we had fairly unsatisfying sex (for me at least).  He did say 'thank you.'  Isn't that sweet?  Is he thinking I need a martyr's crown for giving him sex when I really just wanted to curl up into a little ball and forget about the last five days?  The next day I resented the hell out of it.  Why couldn't the so-called ADHD intuition kick in so that he could see I needed something other than sex from him?   I like sex.  But frankly I'd like it a hell of a lot more if I felt like he game a damn about my feelings!

Oh, if you were next to me, I

Oh, if you were next to me, I would hug you (nonsexually, of course!).  I'm sorry that you're going through this.  My husband, also a person with ADD, also has a really hard time dealing with the fact that I have feelings, too.  Earlier this week, after yet another unsatisfying discussion of the fact that I have needs, too, I told him that I would not be sharing my feelings with him, because he has made it so clear that he CANNOT DEAL with my feelings or the fact that I have feelings.  It makes me feel very lonely sometimes.

Exactly right!

That is exactly how I feel.  I am so frustrated.  I set an appointment with a therapist for myself because if I have to wait for him to schedule an appointment for us, it simply will not happen.  But what you are saying is exactly right.  He cannot deal with my feelings - but OMG if I am not sensitive to him and HIS NEEDS!!!

I am going to therapy to figure out how to live in some kind of integrity in this relationship.  I feel myself becoming so bitter and that is the battle I struggle with.  I hate bitterness.  It is ugly and I know will make me ugly, but it just seems so unfair to me.  He expects to have his sexual needs met because as he explained, he cannot ethically fulfill those needs with anyone but me.  The road goes both ways baby.  What am I supposed to do.  How would he like it if I found another man to share my heart with.  Oh yeah.  He's ADHD.  He wouldn't even notice - and that, my friend, is the most painful thing about this whole experience!