How do you heal the pain and stop the intrusive thoughts... I have the understanding of what led to the affair, forgiveness and relationship repaired, but I still can't get rid of the pain and the thoughts... I just want to get rid of the pain and stop thinking about it.
Infidelity- how do you heal the pain?
Submitted by J1234 on 12/12/2021.
Submitted by c ur self on
When I was in my 20's my late wife and I divorced for 18 months. We both had other sexual partners....My wife seemed to move past the intrusive thoughts better than I did....A big part of our divorce was her not wanting to be a receptive sex partner (pushed me away most nights) in our marriage bed....(Later (15 years or more) she reveled she had been raped at age 14 by her brother in law, actually had put it out of her mind, due to the pain of it.)....So after 5 years of being pushed away and being distraught, wondering what was wrong with me, I started an affair at work, and the guilt of it all caused me to confess it and move out....
When we got back together, she came into the bedroom a night or two after we remarried (I was fixing to take a nap, before my night shift started) she was ringing her hands, and she just told me the details and who it was....She asked me if I could forgive her, I said have you asked God to forgive you? and she said yes...I said then I forgive you also....But, those intrusive thoughts lasted for years....But I loved her, I trusted her, and I blame myself for her being in the place for that to happen...So I eventually was able to move past it....It just took counting my blessings, and knowing my sweet wife loved me....The sex thing got better as we got older, as she was able to understand more about what caused her to push me away....She was blaming herself, and in her mind sex was bad...But the more she came to realize sex in marriage is one of God's gifts to us, the more she was receptive, and the more she enjoyed it.
I can't tell you what to do, but, I can tell you, that you can move past those thoughts, the closer you two get, and more time goes by....I can also tell you, that I'm going to pray for you!