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This is my third time moving to a new location. Each time I have moved a plan was drafted of how the move was supposed to go. It never fails, each I move I am the only one stuck moving all the boxes, all the furniture, etc. while my wife does absolutely nothing. Well, she might have packed a box or two but in her mind I believe she thinks shes doing something. Each time I approached her about this there is a big argument. I go to work, utilize my time wisely and get things done. Her; sleeps half the day away and gets nothing done, but stays up late at night and gets nothing accomplished. Im so sick of it! Its so frustrating! Trying to get a grown adult to do what needs to be done. If I dont do the things that need to be done then it would never get done. Its madness!!!
I'm sorry you're having to endure this. Seven years ago today, my divorce was finalized. The marriage lasted 31 years. My ex has ADHD.
I work full time and every weekend I spend most of one day at the home of my very elderly mother. I now am sole owner and inhabitant of the house ex and I lived in for most of our marriage. The house is relatively neat and clean and I've gotten rid of a lot of things over the years.
My ex lives in the house he grew up in and where he returned, to live with and take care of his parents, about 10 years ago. His parents both died 4 years ago. Husband is retired. He isn't paying the property taxes. It seems likely that the house is very messy (I'm probably minimizing the condition of the interior).
My ADHD ex and I moved once together and I did it all. When we separated and sold our family home of almost 2 decades, it was the same. No amount of asking, setting time aside, breaking down the tasks and explaining the hours required, etc. would change the fact that he just wasn't going to do it. Total futility. At least when we were separating I had the fact that this was the LAST time I would have to do it all in my mind to get me through.
I do believe he would have pitched in at the very last moment (ie. the day before the move) because of the deadline-induced dopamine. Unfortunately moving is not like a school project you coast through in one overnight. If you're like me, you can't ask friends/family because they all give you a hard time about why your own spouse isn't helping and they have to be there. But if you have family who understands, that could be an avenue. I think the only other thing you can do besides be as frustrated as those of us who have been through it is to hire paid help without apology - packers, movers, cleaners, etc... whatever you need to get the job done without doing it all yourself (if you can afford it).
Best of luck with your move and hope you like your new place.
This is my third time moving
Submitted by ebecoat01 on
This is my third time moving to a new location. Each time I have moved a plan was drafted of how the move was supposed to go. It never fails, each I move I am the only one stuck moving all the boxes, all the furniture, etc. while my wife does absolutely nothing. Well, she might have packed a box or two but in her mind I believe she thinks shes doing something. Each time I approached her about this there is a big argument. I go to work, utilize my time wisely and get things done. Her; sleeps half the day away and gets nothing done, but stays up late at night and gets nothing accomplished. Im so sick of it! Its so frustrating! Trying to get a grown adult to do what needs to be done. If I dont do the things that need to be done then it would never get done. Its madness!!!
I'm sorry you're having to
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm sorry you're having to endure this. Seven years ago today, my divorce was finalized. The marriage lasted 31 years. My ex has ADHD.
I work full time and every weekend I spend most of one day at the home of my very elderly mother. I now am sole owner and inhabitant of the house ex and I lived in for most of our marriage. The house is relatively neat and clean and I've gotten rid of a lot of things over the years.
My ex lives in the house he grew up in and where he returned, to live with and take care of his parents, about 10 years ago. His parents both died 4 years ago. Husband is retired. He isn't paying the property taxes. It seems likely that the house is very messy (I'm probably minimizing the condition of the interior).
"Madness" is not much of an exaggeration.
Madness, yes
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
My ADHD ex and I moved once together and I did it all. When we separated and sold our family home of almost 2 decades, it was the same. No amount of asking, setting time aside, breaking down the tasks and explaining the hours required, etc. would change the fact that he just wasn't going to do it. Total futility. At least when we were separating I had the fact that this was the LAST time I would have to do it all in my mind to get me through.
I do believe he would have pitched in at the very last moment (ie. the day before the move) because of the deadline-induced dopamine. Unfortunately moving is not like a school project you coast through in one overnight. If you're like me, you can't ask friends/family because they all give you a hard time about why your own spouse isn't helping and they have to be there. But if you have family who understands, that could be an avenue. I think the only other thing you can do besides be as frustrated as those of us who have been through it is to hire paid help without apology - packers, movers, cleaners, etc... whatever you need to get the job done without doing it all yourself (if you can afford it).
Best of luck with your move and hope you like your new place.