NO ability to communicate....

I've read numerous old post this morning, while having my coffee....(It's something that is good for me, it helps me stay centered and living in a mind of acceptance, by reaffirming the reality of living with a partner who is incapable of seeing themselves)...When you go back and read these posts, there is one very common theme....We don't understand their thinking (or lack of it)...And no matter what problem's we are enduring (no help in the house, financial, withholding their bodies, angry outburst, sexual immorality, can't hold a job, or want work) the outcome of trying to get them to discuss their actions, NEVER ends well....

So, what happens to us when we want accept they are incapable of change? And incapable of communicating their reality? (they just don't see it, and if they do, they want allow themselves to consider the effects on their spouses)....We suffer emotionally...We vent....We get angry and bitter...Our nervous systems break down... Would you like to stop this dynamic? I would.....Some of you have....I applaud you....

I've tried acceptance for a couple of years now....But, I backslide from time to time in a few area's that I feel trapped in....I've learned to do things alone, and I've learned to say No to being thoughtlessly used, I don't fall to manipulation attempts...I've slacked off on expectations for her to clean or cook or do anything differently...I've learned to listen better, no matter what she is saying....I don't have to respond to victim comments, but, she needs to know I care and feel empathy for her struggles...Even if they are mostly self inflicted due to selfishness and unwise decisions....I digress....I just wanted to point out the very common theme in this posts....

Where there is no ability for a person to see themselves, no ownership, and no ability to communicate their reality, when do we stop trying to verbally engage them?? Most of us sadly want accept this truth being lived out before us daily, and we continue at confront them verbally at our own peril.....A poster whom I think very highly of, asked her spouse why he did something so hurtful and destructive to her.....His answer was I DON'T KNOW!....And he didn't, was his is truth.....Heart and mind blindness is real....Fear and shame or real...I pray for all of us, who are stuck in this mind that want accept the reality of our spouses, and turn our attention onto a more peaceful lifestyle.....

It's a very thin line between love and acceptance....And hate and indifference....I just don't want to spend the rest of my life standing on the bank of life's ditch, screaming for my wife to get out...When she is choosing to be there, or is incapable of getting out....

Words can be powerful when heard...But or useless and hurtful when not....Are you being heard??

c