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Your H is abusing your son.....I am curious .......do you SEE that? Because your son....is actually FEELING the brunt of his fathers words and actions. Would you let a stranger treat your son that way. Please do not ignore your H's behavior......he is WRONG on so many levels.
You need to take your son and go. How can you stand by and let anyone, much less his father, call him names?? That kind of damage will stay with your son for a long time. What must your son's self esteem be like at this point? I don't blame him for being aggressive--the person who is supposed to be on his side all the time no matter what is making him feel awful about himself.
Take those kids and get as far away from that monster of a father as you can. Now.
The way your husband is treating your son is ABUSE. You need to remove your son, yourself and your daughter from this environment.
My boyfriend grew up with a stepfather who yelled at him, insulted him, criticized him, belittled him and physically hurt him. (Punching, whipping with a belt, and kicking him.) He grew up feeling stupid and worthless and had no self esteem. He ran away from home several times before finally leaving home at 17 and didn't go back. He is 49 years old, and I can see the affect growing up in an abusive household has had on him.
Put the well being of your children first and get out now.
I am not sure if my husband has ADHD, although looking through this site it seems he does have a lot of "symptoms." However, I do know that we go through very similar issues to what you're describing with our children on a regular basis.
My husband will often tell me, in a fit of anger, how "useless" our kids are. He will berate them for not doing things right. The other day, he smacked one of our sons on his head so hard, that the soda bottle my son was holding sprayed all over his little brother. He hasn't told me that he "doesn't want to be their dad anymore," but the fact that he is disappointed in them and thinks they're hopeless is a pretty regular topic.
It's confusing and frustrating for me...he tells me I'm too easy on the kids and that's why they are the way they are. I don't feel like our kids are "bad," but they do have personality traits they need help with--being lazy or inattentive, manners, etc. that I feel like are part of growing up and things ALL kids have to work on, with caring guidance from their parents.
I grew up in an abusive household. My dad never hit me, but he was always yelling in the same way my husband does. I honestly feel a little like I'm still a kid when my husband starts screaming.
However, it is not the only side of him--it comes in waves. Many times he's "normal" or even "exceptional" at his job as a dad. It's confusing and difficult for me...I guess this was the long way of saying, you're not alone. Sorry for ranting :)
My father, at age 80, still bore the emotional scars of his father's rage - in similar actions. (Even though he did his best to overcome it - and to forgive, and understand...). Please don't give your son *more* future healing to do over this.
Have you considered - your son's attitude may be, in some part, a child's struggling to cope with being the target of such violent (verbal, emotional abuse is as real as bruises and broken bones) UNFAIR treatment... from the man he wants to admire and love?
It's possible that your son has ADHD. It often looks like laziness and disrespect, but it's really their brain having difficulty dealing with the situation. Sometimes it doesn't become an issue until fourth grade. This is when their school work becomes more intense and requires more focus and concentration. Not all kids that have ADHD are physically hyper. That's a misconception. You should consider talking to his teacher about getting him tested.
cmo22.....
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Your H is abusing your son.....I am curious .......do you SEE that? Because your son....is actually FEELING the brunt of his fathers words and actions. Would you let a stranger treat your son that way. Please do not ignore your H's behavior......he is WRONG on so many levels.
You need to take your son and
Submitted by dvance on
You need to take your son and go. How can you stand by and let anyone, much less his father, call him names?? That kind of damage will stay with your son for a long time. What must your son's self esteem be like at this point? I don't blame him for being aggressive--the person who is supposed to be on his side all the time no matter what is making him feel awful about himself.
Take those kids and get as far away from that monster of a father as you can. Now.
I agree with Zapp and dvance...........
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
The way your husband is treating your son is ABUSE. You need to remove your son, yourself and your daughter from this environment.
My boyfriend grew up with a stepfather who yelled at him, insulted him, criticized him, belittled him and physically hurt him. (Punching, whipping with a belt, and kicking him.) He grew up feeling stupid and worthless and had no self esteem. He ran away from home several times before finally leaving home at 17 and didn't go back. He is 49 years old, and I can see the affect growing up in an abusive household has had on him.
Put the well being of your children first and get out now.
We deal with this at home, too
Submitted by totallyalone on
I am not sure if my husband has ADHD, although looking through this site it seems he does have a lot of "symptoms." However, I do know that we go through very similar issues to what you're describing with our children on a regular basis.
My husband will often tell me, in a fit of anger, how "useless" our kids are. He will berate them for not doing things right. The other day, he smacked one of our sons on his head so hard, that the soda bottle my son was holding sprayed all over his little brother. He hasn't told me that he "doesn't want to be their dad anymore," but the fact that he is disappointed in them and thinks they're hopeless is a pretty regular topic.
It's confusing and frustrating for me...he tells me I'm too easy on the kids and that's why they are the way they are. I don't feel like our kids are "bad," but they do have personality traits they need help with--being lazy or inattentive, manners, etc. that I feel like are part of growing up and things ALL kids have to work on, with caring guidance from their parents.
I grew up in an abusive household. My dad never hit me, but he was always yelling in the same way my husband does. I honestly feel a little like I'm still a kid when my husband starts screaming.
However, it is not the only side of him--it comes in waves. Many times he's "normal" or even "exceptional" at his job as a dad. It's confusing and difficult for me...I guess this was the long way of saying, you're not alone. Sorry for ranting :)
Your husband is the one destroying their bond...
Submitted by Terra on
... *not* your child.
My father, at age 80, still bore the emotional scars of his father's rage - in similar actions. (Even though he did his best to overcome it - and to forgive, and understand...). Please don't give your son *more* future healing to do over this.
Have you considered - your son's attitude may be, in some part, a child's struggling to cope with being the target of such violent (verbal, emotional abuse is as real as bruises and broken bones) UNFAIR treatment... from the man he wants to admire and love?
It's possible that your son
Submitted by Hopeful Heart on
It's possible that your son has ADHD. It often looks like laziness and disrespect, but it's really their brain having difficulty dealing with the situation. Sometimes it doesn't become an issue until fourth grade. This is when their school work becomes more intense and requires more focus and concentration. Not all kids that have ADHD are physically hyper. That's a misconception. You should consider talking to his teacher about getting him tested.