Submitted by Best2You on 12/02/2014.
After reading so many stories of unhappy, angry, depressed, disillusioned spouses who are still with their ADHD partner I can't help but wonder why do you stay? Why not just leave and start over? Is it money, fear, your vows, the children, or that deep inside you still have hope things will change? How long have you been dealing with the ADHD issues, why have you stayed this long? Hope to understand why we hang on ...
Best2You
Interesting Q.and very pertinent to the posts of this forum....
Submitted by c ur self on
I stay for multiple reasons...Number one being what Jesus said about it in Matthew chapter 5 and chapter 18...Which leads me strait to one of your choices...My Vows.
Secondly the more I depend on the holy spirit for abundant life, the less of an Idol she becomes and the easier it is for me to drop my expectations and see and accept her for who she is.
Thirdly the less I express my displeasure with her lifestyle, and focus on my own lifestyle...The more of a mirror I become. Which seems to create a confidence in her that its OK, to be open, honest and self aware, because he isn't a threat, but a safe place...
So many reasons
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Best2You,
Vows, thinking the issues we had were just bumps in the road, my stubbornness, 'for better or worse' - but mostly my sense of self was poor. I always though we couldn't work things out because I couldn't get it right. I thought I could help - fix - make it all better. I did not want to hurt him by rejecting him. I wanted to MAKE HIM SEE what a great wife he had. I wanted him to wake up and smell the roses.
I did not have the spousal betrayal - no drinking, so girlfriends, no affairs, no physical abuse, no name calling.
My own lightbulb of reality hit on my 25th anniversary. Boing - it ain't all me. Slow learner maybe :)
If you have read any of my previous posts - you can see we have been through an amazing amount of counselors. In marriage counseling, they ask if you both want the marriage to work. We both had always said yes. In the past recent years, we had a counselor who said they could not help us until - and we were both given a directive of things to do. I continue to work on mine.
I also believe in what my gut tells me. Until very recently, my gut told me there was hope. Do not give up. This will get better.
Now my gut tells me it is finished.
My spouse is a great man. That great man is angry and bitter and is difficult to be around. If it were just me, I would keep trying to figure myself out. The more I shared my frustrations about myself, the more people shared their concern for my spouse and his anger.
There is always room to not give up too soon. Or bail. Or reject for all the wrong reasons. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. If I knew ten years ago what I know today, it would have been different.
I am working on my own life for all the right reasons.
Maybe it sounds like a song, but what we have was a hard habit to break. So many years invested into something is hard to walk away from in any way shape or form.
Liz