Three years now since I decided to leave my severe inattentive ADHD partner of two decades.
What strikes me now, several weeks into vacation mode, is how raw the pain still is. Mostly, I avoid thinking of him. But when I do, it’s clear the bond is nowhere near breaking. Essentially, I loved him, ADHD and all. Essentially, I would’ve wanted to stay with him.
One thing we seldom talk about on the forum is a kind of wisdom inherent in ADHD that has to do with the present. Our lives in this day and age are plagued by efficiency. I’m completely caught up in it, hustling work, family’s needs and the rest, trying to squeeze in recreational things to keep myself mentally afloat. What my ADD ex did was live lovingly and wholly in the present, and in the best of times I could join him there. I’ve never been happier since I was a child.
ADHD time blindness is a curse for their partner, who has to face external stressors with inconsistent support. At the same time, ADHD relationship with time seems like the answer to our cultural idiocy of being preoccupied with past and future. We’re never actually sovereign in the present, like a child.
I wonder if in another society, ADHD wouldn’t be an advantage. Look at you, J, living your best life outdoors.
Emotionally, spiritually, I can’t seem to break out of love for my ex, no matter how much he’s let me down, and what he’s cost me in health and confidence. It’s interesting to read about sociological thought on the present, and our collective inability to live in it, and what that on the other hand is costing us all.
