My husband (ADHD and dyslexia at 46) said to me recently how he thinks Ive been a lot friendlier and Ive gotten back to more "me"and i dont seem to be as angry or taking things as personally. I wasnt really sure what to say back except thank you, because ive had a big inner turmoil for a bit and Ive really shut myself down when it comes to him and our marriage.
Ive had a stark realisation: he lives every day trying to survive. He white-knuckles it and just wishes/sleeps/numbs out/stresses every single day. There hasnt been a day in 6 years that i can remember that he has ever had a "good day". He also doesnt exercise, sleep well or manage his daily stressors well.
While for me, ive learned that I want to thrive (not survive). I dont want to white-knuckle life each and every day, i dont believe thats a life i want to live.
And with that, if i cant stand how he chooses to live life each day (as in the choices he makes have an impact on me but he continues to make choices that have a negative impact each and every day) i really dont know where to go from there.
I mean, technically, i DO know... but i dont even know what step to take in that direction.
When you're this disjointed and disconnected as we've found ourselves in, and really set in bad habits and behaviours....
What do you do with thr above information when it hits you like a ton of bricks that you don't want to do the next 20 years like this???
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It’s hard for the ADHD person too
Can relate so much to this you describe, an ADHD spouse white-knuckling it every day. It’s easier to remember to be compassionate when it’s obvious. Mine tended to mask, not showing his true emotions to me or the children or anyone. But he was completely miserable and also incapable of changing anything.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I too want you to thrive…