Came to a head this week because shes been ill and I realized how bad she is.
Had to some stuff at home because we were getting contractors in. She was already feeling ill. So we started, then she "finds" other stuff that could wait so she starts on that. Hours and hours go by, she misses meals etc, really wears herself out.
Not the first time - its almost as if something takes over her body and she can't stop. Its worrying to be honest. When shes doing a task you dare not speak to her - its as if she can't even spend 20 secs to reply. Oh and try and get her to stop she gets nasty - almost like trying to take drugs off a drug addict.
Did the same last night. Worked all day and was ill. Yeh a couple of things had to be tidied but she went WAY overboard. Surely if you're ill then you do what HAS to be done but leave anything else till you feel better?
I've tried to speak to her. She often says things are annoying her so has to do it. Trouble is she can literally see EVERTHING. She'll come from work and be like Terminator in the film scanning the room looking for something to clean.
I've tried to speak to her but all I get is "it has to be done". I pointed out that when we both work and have kids, then some things need to be scheduled. Nope won't have it.
Apparently, I'm wrong because I'm lazy and I'm having a go at her and gaslighting her. Oh and she thinks like this and drags me in - I feel almost like having ADHD by proxy because its her way or no way.
I'm REALLY concerned that this is getting worse and is going down the path of an even worse mental issue. Its making me ill with worrying about her.
Any suggestions?
Comments
Divide chores?
Hello, I don’t know more of your and your wife’s circumstances, but sometimes it helped us to divide chores between us. That meant both the responsibility to start and finish a certain task sat with one person. The other person then didn’t need to ’see’ the mess in question. It worked at least temporarily for us, me being the non-ADHD partner and the one paying attention to accumulated housework.
When you describe your wife and her hyperfocus, it reminds me of an article that appreciated the special talents of ADHD and autism both. Evolutionarily, these mindsets have been advantageous. Imagine how useful her relentless commitment to the task at hand would be in a crisis. She could probably save everyone in a shipwreck, a tsunami, or some other natural disaster. Then it would be reasonable she push her body’s limits for a bit.
Too bad hyperfocus doesn’t seem to save itself for great deeds.