Hello Everyone,
I am coming to this forum in hopes that those with experience in this topic may have some helpful advice. My BF (undiagnosed but assumed ADHD/avoidant attachment) and I have been together for 8 years and have lived together for most of them. He is in his late 30’s and I in my early 30’s. I want to start by saying how much I love and adore this man. He is genuinely a great person - smart, loving, funny, hardworking and more I could go on. The issue arises when there is any form of intense stress or conflict. He has not been formally diagnosed (but has agreed to an appointment with a psychiatrist which is a big step) there have been several immensely stressful events happening in his life (Home renovations, a sick family member, an intense work schedule) I have on my part tried to help him in logistical ways like mowing the lawn while he is at work, doing his laundry, etc. my help seems to only make him more stressed or feel guilty. I believe I have been more adaptive to his attachment style and learning that he needs space. He shuts down completely at times and we will not speak for days while living together. I used to take it more personally (at times I struggle and still do) but for the most part I understand it’s his nervous system. Currently he is pretty deactivated towards me and depressed. I feel helpless as I want to help him and I try my best not to let me own anxiety show or to bother him. If we are assuming he is adhd what are ways that those who suffer from these same issues start to feel better? Is it complete and total silence from their partner or just sitting quietly in the same room etc. I don’t want to do the wrong thing and push him further. This has happened before a few years ago but the shut down feels more severe now. Any help is appreciated.
