I posted a while back about a number of issues, the two big ones being my husband's finances and the colossal wrecks of both our basement and garage.
My husband and I sat down with information about his finances (we hold separate bank accounts) and, while I am still unaware of his true debt (I noted that he left that info out of the discussion), he has a very good credit score and--hurray--he suggested himself that he sell the "extra" car purchased on a whim. I know I have to be the one to push that, and I can. He has also been pretty good, for the first time in our marriage, about keeping a savings account. So, this was step one. Eventually, I will get a clear picture of what debt is hanging out there. Right now, I feel more comfortable.
I took time off work to deal with basement and garage projects because I couldn't stand it anymore. Both places have been total disasters for years, with him taking ownership of both places and constantly saying, "I organized in the basement/garage today" (note "organized in" not "organized") but he really only moved things around. I'm disappointed that, once I dove into this, I felt the true level of how incapable he is of taking on organizing projects. It's as if he can't process evaluating what is no good/of no use and what is worthwhile keeping. There is also evidence of some hoarding behavior.
I felt like I was dealing with a small child, as I was literally giving him little assignments piece-by-piece. It was the only way he could seem to handle it (I'd put a box of items next to his chair as he was watching TV and I'd place an empty box next to it and ask him to put the unwanted items in the empty box). There were loads of remnants of impulse purchases: over 50 t-shirts; about 50 hats; a giant trash bag of socks; and the towels, oh the towels.
It was all such a mess that I only got through the basement (and I still have bags and bags of donations to drag out of there). More surprising (?) to me was that 90 percent of the stuff was his. He has through the years indicated that all of this was "ours." Things piled and piled up, boxes of papers that need to be shredded. Old medicines from 10+ years back. He helped, but only in small snippets of time. I could tell that tackling this was majorly overwhelming for him.
I spent a week on this project. He did not acknowledge my efforts or my time. I kept my mouth shut through the process as I was silently somewhat shaken by how bad it was. I kept an upbeat attitude (so relieved to have this taken care of) and felt very accomplished, but I think he felt embarrassed.
Next up: The garage.
"Life with an ADHD Husband" Sigh.
Forum:
