Instructions for Leaving

ADHD & Marriage News - June 25, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Once the earthquake is settled

accommodate the anger

let it move in, fix it dinner

then put it to bed"

- First stanza by poet and author, Kwame Alexander from Why Fathers Cry at Night

There are so many things I admire about Alexander’s description of the aftermath of deciding to leave a relationship…but what I want to focus on here is not the earthquake that heaves everything up in such uncomfortable ways, but his relationship with his anger.

Accommodate the anger, he suggests. It is there for a reason, and is an indicator that something needs to be addressed. Don’t insist it leave right away – rather, get to know it. Have a conversation, and be compassionate towards it (and yourself). Learn what it is trying to tell you.

And I think that putting it to bed is both about lessening your engagement with it when it’s time, but also an acknowledgement that it may awake or rise again…in which case you get to know it again.

Are you compassionate about any feelings of anger you hold, and asking it questions to see what you can learn?

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from professionals you can trust. We've got an amazing set of workshops in July in i2a -- here's your sneak peek!

7/9 8:30p EST Tools to help you Focus on Progress and Let Go of Perfection
7/15 7:30p EST Lessening defensiveness for ADHD partners: IFS parts work
7/16 7:30p EST What ADHD Coaches wish Non ADHD Partners Knew Recap of Part 1
7/30 8p EST Relationship Essentials: Open a Can of B.E.A.N.S – skills for everyone

Join us anytime for live expert support and a wonderful community!

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Summer doesn't mean slowing down in i2a -- we know your relationship dynamics are a part of your everyday life, so we continue to offer expert support and peers for community to keep you gently accountable to each other.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next live seminar will begin Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."