Listen Non-Defensively

ADHD & Marriage News - June 30, 2026

Quote of the Week

“It takes two to speak the truth – one to speak, and the other to hear.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Listen Non-Defensively

If I had a magic wand, one of the gifts I would give struggling couples is the ability to hear their partner, and be heard. It’s incredibly important as you try to reconnect! But it can be really hard. Because we tend to approach what our partner says not from his or her perspective, but from our own. This leads to defensiveness, rather than openness.

As an example, a struggling partner with ADHD might say “You’re always so negative about me!” and what went through the partner's head was “That’s because you don’t do what you say you are going to do!” A much better response would have been “Gee, I wonder why he or she is saying that now?”

In other words, trust that their opinion and what they are saying is TRUTH to them, and it is the responsibility of the partner to understand that truth, not to say why it is wrong.

This ability to listen non-defensively is actually one of the most critical characteristics of a healthy, happy relationship. You may not like being told you are being negative, but perhaps… you were. Yes, you have reasons, but that doesn't make being negative any more productive.

The ability to speak and listen to the truth is called ‘Conflict Intimacy’ and it’s so important that we cover it in the live couple’s seminar (next live session starting Fall 2026), and our ongoing Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program.

It takes practice, but I know all of you can do it. I hope you’ll consider joining us to learn how.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress.

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice.

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."