More in Common Than You Thought

ADHD & Marriage News - June 23, 2026

Quote of the Week

“My friends say I have an intimacy problem but they don’t really know me.”

- Garry Shandling - As quoted by David Brooks

More In Common Than You Thought

Many couples impacted by ADHD complain about no longer being close. And as with Shandling’s humorous quote, they often blame their partner for this. I would posit, after having worked with many couples, that both partners contribute to the problem. Bear with me here…

Yes, ADHD can get in the way. Those with ADHD are often ‘inwardly focused’, meaning that it takes lots of energy to organize that very active brain of theirs, and that work is largely ‘internal’, as well as largely invisible to their partner. Further, some with ADHD who head towards the autism side of things, have genuine difficulty making connections – not because they wouldn't want to, but because it’s hard for them to interpret and act on social cues.

And then there are non-ADHD partners. I can’t tell you how often I hear some version of “I just can’t interact with my partner any more. I’m too angry/frustrated/hurt/sad…” Yet deciding not to interact leads inevitably to disconnection.

If you are feeling disconnected, you are both struggling, and I get that. But you can’t be more intimate if you don’t at least try to connect. That usually means both managing ADHD distractibility and addressing anger issues so you can make an extra effort to connect around positive things.

One exercise that helped many reconnect was having both partners write down “50 things that I like.” Write 50 sentences starting with the words “I like…” They don’t all have to be about your partner or relationship. For example, “I like the sound of the rain on the roof.” But some will inevitably be about your partner and that will feel good to you both.

At the end of the exercise, a common reaction is...

“Huh. I guess we have a lot more in common than I was thinking we do.”

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress.

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice.

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."