Mud Slingers

ADHD & Marriage News - October 22, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.” -

- Dorothy Parker

By the time many couples find me they are superb mud slingers. They are angry, frustrated and intent on ‘telling the truth’ about the relationship. Which, inevitably, translates into dumping on their partner.

But this misses one huge point. The more mud you throw, the dirtier your hands will likely get. The non-ADHD partner who screams at an ADHD partner to get his or her attention is seen as being an unreasonable or angry person rather than as just being angry at that moment…and someone to avoid.

I urge partners to ‘contribute your best self’ to the relationship because by doing so they can be viewed by their partner as a person who is worth working things out with. Just as importantly, they will be able to look back on their behavior with pride.

Are you contributing your best self to the relationship?

i2a Highlights:

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts joining us to talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We get to talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"The worksheets are dynamite -- bc you sit down and do them! And when we do that, we share them with each other. The slides are also great -- they're colorful and they really help!" (Dual ADHD couple)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."