Notice the Positive

ADHD & Marriage News - May 29, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Notice the positive, not what remains to be done"

- Dr. Christine Hargrove

Notice the Positive

As humans, we are wired to notice the negative - this is a built-in survival strategy. For if we were too busy admiring the daisies, we might have been eaten by a tiger. But this isn’t always helpful in relationship repair. Hard work and even small successes deserve to be noticed and appreciated. Furthermore, appreciation goes a long way to keep up one’s spirits and nurture motivation.

One way to ensure that the positives are noticed is to add a ritual of appreciation to your relationship. This can be a very simple five minutes at the end of the day (or at dinner, etc) in which each person finishes a sentence similar to ‘What I appreciated today was…’. The response to that might be a thank you, a smile, a hug…some way to indicate that you heard.

Another easy way to see the positive is to create a ‘done’ list in addition to your ‘to do’ list. Dr. Hargrove does this in her own life and gets great satisfaction out of recording the positive achievements she has done…even the small ones.

What’s your method for noticing (and remarking upon) the positive?

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."