Should a Happy Marriage be Easy?

ADHD & Marriage News - December 3, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Through greater effort and hard work a precious dream comes true.”

- Chinese fortune cookie

Should a Happy Marriage be Easy?

I was reading about research interviews recently conducted with couples who had been married many decades. Karl Pillemer, a Cornell University gerontologist, and author of 30 Lessons for Loving, noted “Everybody – 100% - said at one point that the long marriage was the best thing in their lives. But all of them also either said that marriage is hard, or that it’s really, really hard.”

This sure aligns with my own experience, as well as the broader array of marriage research. We are taught to believe that great feelings and a happy marriage should be ‘easy’ and just come. That aligns with many courtship experiences and sells magazines, but doesn’t align with reality. The reality is that long-term, about 3% of couples end up staying in that romantic fairyland that we think is the ‘norm’ we somehow have missed.

Nope. A good marriage is really hard work!

Are your expectations based in reality?

REGISTRATION OPEN:

LIVE Couples' Seminar with Melissa Orlov - The ADHD Effect In-Depth

➤ REGISTER NOW
Starts Jan 14th - 9 Sessions / Wednesdays, 8:00pm - 9:45pm EST. This is Melissa Orlov's premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
It provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP.
The next live seminar will be in Spring, 2026.

ADHD Partner Support Groups

➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Jan 5th. There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. These support groups for non-ADHD partners are given by Zoom and led by trusted, ADHD-savvy professionals.

i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversation

➤ REGISTER NOW Jan 7th, 7:30-8:30pm EST - Free, one-hour webinar — How to Turn Tension into Understanding in ADHD-Impacted Relationships. Learning conversations are structured, compassionate dialogues that replace blame with curiosity and create safety for real connection. Discover practical strategies, examples and tools to apply at home right away! Plus, ask your questions live with an ADHD & Marriage Expert Consultant.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing - Subscribe by Dec 31, 2025 to secure the special rate). i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here! i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversation - Jan 7th.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Registration Open, Starts Jan 14th) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Registration Open, Starts Jan 5th) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."