Understand the WHY

ADHD & Marriage News - August 4, 2026

Quote of the Week

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do."

- Leonardo da Vinci

Understand The WHY

How many times have you or your partner wanted to do something, then fallen short? You wanted to approach your partner with less frustration, but then something happened and you were angry again. You wanted to follow through on that project, but then you got distracted by something else.

So, how to get yourself to ‘do’ what you ‘know’ you should do? That has a good deal to do with getting our brain to accept and create new habits. Here are some of the most important steps:

1. Understand WHY it’s important to do this thing for YOU, not just because your partner asks for it. This will help motivate you.

2. Set a specific, measurable goal that is bound by time. “I will do the dishes 3 evenings this week” is a great goal. It tells you when and what in no uncertain terms. “I will do the dishes more often” is too wishy-washy.

3. Create a specific plan and take the time to run through it in your mind start to finish as if you were doing it. This helps cement the plan in your body, and also helps you realize if there are problems with it – something you didn’t think of.

4. Measure your results. If you only did the dishes 2 times, figure out why and adjust either your goal or your plan. If you succeed, reward yourself (even an internal pat on the back is good!) and then plan to do it again. Creating a new habit that is ‘ingrained’ takes several MONTHS of overt effort.

Is there ONE thing which you would really like to start doing with which you can use these four steps on right now?

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