What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

ADHD & Marriage News - September 17, 2025

Quote of the Week

“If your marriage got better, what would it look like? What can your marriage become, and is that worth having?”

- Ari Tuckman

What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

If you’re struggling, it might be hard to imagine what your relationship could become. But it’s worth trying. When working with couples I’ve had success asking them who they are as their ‘best selves’ to get at where they might go as a couple. So…ready to try this out? If so, you may wish to consider the following tips:

Take a close look at who you are in your relationship. Are you your best self? What could you do to become your best self? Are you willing to do the work? (If you don’t know what your best self looks like, I recommend looking back to the time in your life when you liked yourself the best.)
How hard has your partner been working to become the best version of themselves? What do you like/love about what you’ve seen?
If your partner is not engaged in improving your relationship, is there any indication that they will become so in the near future? If not, then assess the potential of your relationship with that in mind. (It isn’t ADHD that ends relationships, it is lack of engagement with improving them with a partner that ends relationships.)
Avoid dreaming about what your ‘fantasy partner’ might do (i.e. become pretty perfect for you) and look at the partner you really have. What do you love about them? What can you live with compassionately? What do you not love about them that might not change? How might that impact you?
Are there really important issues that might not change? (For example, your partner has lost all interest in sex for physiological reasons that aren’t likely to improve.)

There is something very positive to be gained when a couple works through their issues together (often with the help of a professional). The act of doing so can strengthen bonds as well as provide useful tools for when you hit a future speed bump. But…sometimes there isn’t a positive landing place. Thinking about what your marriage could be – realistically – can be really useful.

DON'T DELAY - STARTING NEXT WEEK - SEPT 24TH:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Only $299: Melissa Orlov, the leading expert in ADHD relationships, and senior consultant, Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together.

Learn how to trust again
Get out of destructive patterns such as parent/child dynamics and the chore wars
Become closer than you have been in a long time, and find the joy and intimacy you miss
Let go of your anger and frustration
Move from “correcting problems” to “enjoying each other”
Navigate and optimize ADHD treatments
Tap into hope for your relationship
Cope with having a partner who is not yet in control of their anger
Improve your communication skills

STARTING OCT 8TH:

➤ Foundations in Habit Development - New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"We went from essentially a broken marriage, to having hope. The Office Hours have been a life-saver -- to get practical things we can take home with us and make changes right away." (Non ADHD partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Oct 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."