Forum topic: Why do things get the worst when I need support the most?

I've been married to my spouse with likely ADHD for about 5 years.  We have a son together and another child on the way.  Prior to getting pregnant (maybe the past 3-6 months especially), my spouse and I were in a much better place that we had ever been.  He was carrying his weight with our child, we were both working full time, we were communicating well, and we were generally getting along well.

Since getting pregnant, I have became increasingly more frustrated with my spouse.  There were two specific issues that really triggered me.  One, his current company is shutting down.  He has known this since the start of the summer.  This summer, he has been smoking marijuana most nights, staying up late, and sleeping in until 12 most days (after taking our son to school on his assigned days).  While I have been observing this, I told myself that he has his own process and it might be different than mine but I need to trust him to do what he says he will do (like he has asked me to do so many times).  Fast forward to last week, he tells me that if he can't get a job in the next few weeks, he will likely have a period of unemployment.  This is incredibly stressful for me, as he carries our benefits, I'm pregnant, and I have been working overtime while very nauseous and fatigued in my first trimester to set us up for future success.  I have also had an increasing sense of resentment every time I walk past him sleeping on the couch until 12 when I start my workday at 8:30am and need to work until 4pm daily and feel like absolute shit.  It feels unfair that he gets to rest and relax while I grow a baby.

I brought this up to him kindly a few nights ago.  I shared that I felt frustrated about the likely period of unemployment and asked about his plan for marijuana use during pregnancy.  He got really angry and asked me if I thought I would be able to get over my anger about the job thing or whether "I would just continue be angry and negative and hold onto it." I then asked about his plan for marijuana use during pregnancy/postpartum, as I will need him a bit more during this time.  He has told me in the past that I should consider that he has a plan for his use and ask about it rather than making assumptions, so I tried to do that.  He angrily told me that "he has personal goals" but gave no information about how much he is smoking now or what I can expect from him (I strongly suspect he is smoking daily).  

We also had a weekend trip and he let me pack the car, care for our child, clean the place we stayed, and then woke up angry at 11:30am about how much we needed to pack in the car (our goal was to leave by 12).  This pattern of not contributing and then getting angry about it not being done to his standards/exploding at me was a common one during my last pregnancy/early postpartum period and I had a clear thought of "I cannot do this again" when it came up. 

I am strongly considering issuing an ultimatum requesting that he stop smoking during pregnancy/postpartum or move out.  I have no family nearby and I am not quite certain how I will manage that, but dealing with what I dealt with last pregnancy feels untenable and I honestly think I could do it better on my own than to have pseudo-support that also brings inconsistency, anger, and constant questioning of myself and my reality/needs.  

He acknowledges he likely has ADHD but will not get tested or consider meds.  He does not acknowledge substance use is a problem. We have tried couples therapy in the past - once with limited success (things got better, our therapist recommended that I attend Al-Anon), and most recently with a therapist who I felt like "didn't get it" which let me crying for a full session in an embarrassing way.

As objective observers, what do you think? Am I expecting too much?  Is there a road to this getting better?