ADDer's anger & my loss of interest in sex

I am the non ADD spouse and  I have lost interest in sex (as opposed to the other post with ADD spouses as sex addicts or not interested in sex).  Mr. ADD wants sex often, but I just can't go there because he is so nasty all day long.  He used to have violent outbursts, break things etc. Now, he has that under control but he just has a generally nasty attitude. He seems to always be angry, defensive and snippy. He is no longer tender and loving at all.  It is almost like he had peaks and valleys and now it is just a steady mesa- no peaks of happiness and tenderness to offset the violent horrible outbursts.  It has all coagulated into a day in and day out of unpleasantness.

We usually go to bed upset at one another-and he usually wakes up wanting sex.

He feels sex will "heal" things.  I am just not into sex when things are not good between us. How can I have sex with him when only two nights ago he said we may need to divorce-or when just the night before he was awfully rude and mean?  He says he needs sex chemically as proved by different studies etc. I argue that for most women, we need the psychological aspect of intimacy before we can get into the sex.

It was not always like this. Before, when he would go into one of his rages, he would be very sweet and apologetic afterwards, I would forgive and we would make love.  Now that his anger is a constant-he is not apologetic, nor tells me he is willing to change. He is just defensive and is convinced he is like he is because of my 'nagging' over his forgetfulness/driving/etc etc-that I am hyper-sensitive etc.  Where is the tenderness, the laughs, the joy? He is just a ball of anger and I don't feel like having sex with him.

I wonder if anyone has some advice or can relate to this?

Thanks for reading!