ADHD and Bipolar

I am new to this site.  I recently read Melissa's book.  I have also read a couple of Ned's book and just purchased two more.  The bottom line is I am wondering if there are other people out there who are dealing with a partner who has both ADHD and bipolar disorder.  I am not sure if focusing on the ADHD alone will help our marriage, or if there are other resources I need to look into.  Right now I don't want to be married, but I financially cannot make it on my own in a high priced area in the U.S.  In addition, I have twin sons who have high functioning autism.  I need my husband for the small amount of support I get in dealing with them.  As I was reading several posts, I notice a lot of similar feeling that I too have.  I am angry, frustrated, exhausted, depressed and at the end of my rope.  Sometimes I feel like I can't make it through another day, but I do because my kids deserve to have one responsible parent fighting for them and keeping their lives in some semblance of normal. 

I was on medication for depression for over a year, but went off.  I feel like the medication made it so I just tuned out my husband and let him slide even more.  My husband has medications, but does not take them as he is supposed to.  He self medicates with marijuana and alcohol (Wild Turkey is his booze of choice).  I feel trapped.  My husband does have a counselor and has asked if I want to go to marriage counseling.  I said yes, but he has not proceeded with the next steps in getting a counselor.  Of course I can do the leg work on that like I do with everything else, but honestly don't have the time and feel very resentful in having to yet be the one to pick up and fix everything.  I know in Melissa's book she says to learn to accept the spouse with ADHD and understand where he is coming from.  Unfortunately, I am so resentful right now, I am not sure where to start.  I got my husband to do some of the 30 day activities in Ned's book and that was a nice time with him, but it didn't address his ADHD and bipolar disorder in a way that he is taking responsibility for himself.  Anyway, I am looking for resources or help in how to proceed.  Do I give him an ultimatum? In Melissa's book she says it is up to the ADHD spouse to take responsibility for their treatment, but I don't know how to get my husband to buy into that.  He won't read any of the books I have gotten.

I am at my wits end.  Anyone, please help.

Finally, I hope my password and id work, because it said that they were not good words and honestly, I can't think of any others and it is just one more stress I can't handle right now.