ADHD kid out of control

I am completely fed up and cannot do this much longer. My younger child's ADHD symptoms have exploded in the last six months. Nothing seems to be helping much- he has manic type temper tantrums the last two mornings, he bosses me around and is manipulative, he is continually defiant and hits and doesn't listen at all. Then he does this angry yelling thing and literally tries to control just about every situation for his benefit. Both his brother and him joke around play hitting me, and sometimes the younger one does actually hit me on purpose. I have been trying so hard to break them of those behaviors. I recently had a good friend try to convince me to lie to doctors and get the younger child diagnosed with Autism too in a ploy to get free disability services (he is actually very able to play and interact really well with other kids and has friends), and also try to manipulate me into quitting my job. She pointed out every little wrong thing my younger son does when he actually has a brain disease and his symptoms are completely normal for his condition. And her own two children have Autism- I guess that's okay, but my kid cannot have a brain disease? After that she stopped returning my phone calls so I guess we are done. This is the second friend I have lost due to them not liking this younger child. The first one decided that she didn't want him trying to join her son and my older one when they came to my house to play one day. Then stormed out with her kid and called me and said that her son was upset because my son wanted to play too, when I had no idea earlier. That's the kind of people I am dealing in my life.

My husband is completely in denial along with his parents that our son has serious issues and even denies his Autoimmune Encephalitis diagnosis he got around age 4. I guess some people want so badly to have one "normal" child that the child can do just about anything including armed robbery before they are willing to wake up and see reality. In the meantime, most people are noticing my son has MAJOR issues- teachers and staff at school for years, healthcare professionals, other relatives, his guitar teacher, neighbors, most of our family friends, etc, etc.  This weekend my husband went to a fraternity event despite me begging him not to, all weekend long, leaving me with this ultra defiant child and his brother with Autism (who also just puked his guts out about 10 minutes ago). My younger son recently got diagnosed with alot of food allergies too. The last two mornings I have been late for work due to his epic temper tantrums about not wanting to go to summer camp. Today I just gave up and called out sick. My husband is constantly gone with this or that activity, and I never get enough time away to completely decompress. I have not had a vacation in two years while he is going to Scotland with his fraternity this summer. WTF? He then thinks that going out on a date night with him is going to solve everything. Actually, the last thing I want to do is go anywhere with him.  I want to pack my bags and run far away from this difficult and disrespectful family and just relax in some hotel by the pool for a few days, sleep as long as I want and forget everybody and all their million problems. No amount of romance can solve any of this. I am tired of my voice not being heard, I am tired of the disrespect and being stuck in virtual burn out mode.