ADHD in a new marriage & blended family


I am a wife of an undiagnosed ADD man who is 50 years old.  I first read the book, ‘The ADHD Effect on Marriage’ several months ago and asked my husband of two years to read it along with another book on the topic. He felt he could relate to some parts of the first book, and didn’t pursue reading the one on the effects of marriage.  He won’t go to the doctor to get diagnosed, but when reading the social, lack of organization and impulsive traits in the book, it described him perfectly. He is pretty focused when working and fortunately able to maintain a job as a service tech, so he has a lot of flexibility.  His first marriage was extremely turbulent and he blamed his ex since she was bi-polar, alcoholic and depressive. She attempted suicide on more than one occasion; they were married for 17 years.  I am researching ADHD again since our marriage is at a breaking point, with my 19 year daughter who couldn’t tolerate the constant tension moved out. We have still at home my 16 year old son and his 16 and 14 year old sons.  I can honestly say at this point I can relate to what his ex was feeling and why she did the things she did to cope.  While reading of the communication issues in the book, all of them appear in our marriage.  I recently had my doctor put me on a month long medical leave from work for stress related issues, which I never have done that in the past, my employer which required 100% of focus during work, wouldn’t hold down my job, so I’m now unemployed. I’ve now made it my priority to take better care of myself so I would like more information of the ‘Loving Detachment’ that was mentioned on one of the Threads.  I intend to find the book, but wondered if anyone has some ideas that have been successful.