ADHD spouse and step daughter

I have been married for one year to me ADHD spouse. He was just recently diagnosed, but refuses to treat because he says the military won't allow it. Our therapist called bs on that, but he still thinks he has it under control. To make matters worse, his daughter is super ADHD with a number of other issues that he refuses to address. I have patience for one, but not both. The only time we ever argue is when she is with us. Up until about 3 months ago that was only sporadically, but now she lives with us full time and it is a huge challenge for me to balance it all. She is in therapy, but neither of her parents follow throug with any of the suggestions the therapist provides leaving me to be the "nag" to him to make sure things get addressed so that our relationship doesn't suffer because of her issues. Any help would be appreciated as I am at the end of my rope and not sure what comes next. I have 2 children of my own and have raised them to be very respectful, honest, engaging children who have many friends and are well loved. His daughter has no  friends and is extremely disrespectful to all adults and thinks she rules the roost. Help!