Adrenal Exhaustion From ADD/PA Behavior On Non ADD Spouse

I'm new to this forum and have gleaned a LOT of helpful information as to how to help myself develop a healthy direction towards healing.  It's a relief to relate to people with similar if not exact situations as mine.  I'm a 47 year old woman recently diagnosed with late stage adrenal exhaustion that I have come to realize is effected by my relationship with my husband of 22 yrs of marriage.  Our relationship started 5 yrs prior to marriage so all in all we've been with each other for 27, basically half our lives!  (He) was diagnosed and was given meds for ADD one year ago and this is when it came into my awareness about the effects ADD on Our marriage.  Originally he was moved to go to the Doctor per my suggestion and he feels there has been some improvement.  It wasn't until my own burn-out from the stress that I realized the seriousness of Our situation and that the improvement was short lived and not embraced fully.  Herein lies the current problem.  In treating my adrenal exhaustion (addressing my stressors)  it has become more than apparent that the ADD meds are NOT a cure all and that the dysfunctional patterns have been around since day one of Our relationship.  Not only do I recognize the dark side of ADD I also see how I've enabled it.  Seeing where I'm enabling has afforded me the opportunity to do it differently and start to relieve a part of my stress.  Part of the doing it differently was to confront my feelings head on with my husband and had a discussion of how I feel his ADD behavior is affecting me and the relationship in general.  This was prior to finding this website and so I lacked the full understanding of the ADD mind.  During the conversation he seemed to be receiving what I had to say pretty well until I suggested that he seek further help from a ADD coach or something similar to help him understand the scope and impact of his behavior. His response was one of overwhelm and so he went to the bedroom and cried for an hour and after came down apologized for 'stressing me out'.  My stomach turned inside out and I wanted to vomit!!!  I felt the familiar guilt over 'hurting' him and making him feel bad which I held in the forefront of my conscience to process for healing.  I had also saw the familiar thought of 'This is going to go nowhere except onto me!'.  As predicted, he kept on keeping on with the same-old, same-old, day in and day out behaviors as if I never brought anything out in the open and I was left with the physiological effects of adrenal exhaustion.  My intent to heal together was NOT as well received as I had originally anticipated.  Not giving up I decided to focus what little energy I do have into healing me and put the relationship on the back burner until I could get a solid lead on REALITY!  I'm blessed with a beautiful connection with my intuition and as long as I'm steadfastly listening to it instead of falling into the drama I can make head way to a full healing and a happy life for myself.  That's the issue, I keep falling into drama instead of solution so I decided to 'research' my feelings about my husband's behavior to grasp a better understanding so that I could respond in a healthier way.  Included in my research was understanding not only ADD but something else.  The ADD symtoms didn't provide a complete picture for me.  I stumbled upon 'passive aggresive' behavior and when I put the two together is when it becomes complete.  With this revelation I can see that I have my work cut out for me and it feels horribly overwhelming and the dichotomy is that the added stress of this striking realization is only adding stress to my already depleted adrenals.  The door is now blown WIDE open and I'm sifting through the mess and feel I don't have the energy to cope.  This website in particular has provided more clarity on the severity of my situation and I feel more alone than ever.  My mental attitude is hanging in there that I can heal myself but my emotions dictate that I cannot depend on my husband to do his part so we can heal together.  It's gonna take outside help and quite frankly I do not feel willing to try and make it work with him anymore.  I feel sooooo free when he's not around and the family dynamic with my fourteen-year-old is much more peaceful in his absence.  I feel trapped and that feeling creates anger and resentment on levels I've never experienced before in my life.  I just keep praying for the next step towards resolution as I now know that the effects of ADD/Passive Aggressive behaviors and my response to it are literally killing me.  I'm sure this requires yet more time and hopefully not more torture and my solace lyes within the care that I'm receiving from a Dr. that specializes in stress recovery.  His care is methodical and entails nutritional supplements, dietary and emotional support.  I'm only on the second phase out of four in the 'protocol' and because it's considered late-stage hypoadrenia it's gonna take time.  Possibly LOTS of time.  Even though part of the protocol involves determining stressors through counseling I haven't hit the counseling stage yet but that has not stopped me from determining what my stressors are before then.  I'm floored as to how my response to ADD/Passive Aggresive behavior has made me this ill and as far as I can see this does not ALL belong in my court any longer and my husband needs to take responsibility for himself and STEP UP!  He is soooooooo clueless and I don't know what else to do except to separate from him so I can heal.  Thanks to all who have contributed to articles on this site.  You never know just how far your help can go just by sharing your own experience!!  Thank You Thank You!!