My ADHD husband of 25 years doesn't work. He was approved for disability almost 3 years ago, for the 2 years prior to that he held a job for a total of 2 months. So basically he has not worked for 5 years. The other 20 years consisted of numerous jobs the longest being 7 years. I can accept that since he is receiving disability payments. We still have a hard time making it financially. I've worked FT for the past 20 years and during most of those years either worked overtime or a 2nd job and raised our 2 children.
The problem I have is that since he is basically a stay at home spouse now I feel that he should take on the responsibilities of the house (laundry, cleaning, walking the dog, etc). He doesn't see it that way. Our relationship is anything but fine. For the past 5 years he has slept in the basement- started out that way because I could not sleep due to his snoring and the stress I had due to our financial problems. He thinks that since he works in "his" basement that he is doing his part. He doesn't touch the rest of the house. He can't even take the dog out on a consistent basis while I am at work. When I get home I take the dog for a walk, start the household chores and get to work on an extra project that I earn extra money on from my job. He usually doesn't get up and dressed until somewhere near 4-5 in the afternoon, then he starts "working" in the basement. We have had numerous arguments about the noise he makes banging and drilling past 9 or 10 at night when I am trying to go to sleep. He thinks because the house next to use is empty that he isn't bothering anyone. Guess what he is bothering me! I'm not sure what time he goes to sleep but he must stay up half the night if he is sleeping till 4 or 5 in the afternoon.
My biggest problem is that his expects me to make him something to eat for dinner when I get home. I stopped doing this about a year ago because it anger me so much that I worked all day and he sleeps until 4 or 5 and expects me to make something to eat. He should be making me dinner - he is after all the stay at home spouse. Our kids are grown but still at home, both work 2 part time jobs so they are rarely home for dinner. I make sure that I buy plenty of food (meats, vegetables, etc) that can be prepared. Problem is he won't make it for himself. Even after a year of me saying "make something for yourself" he still has the nerve to ask me if I'm making anything for dinner. Tonight I made myself a TV dinner and as I was eating it he looked at me and said "what did you make to eat". I politely told him it was a TV dinner and that there was a pizza in the freezer if he wanted it. That was 4 hours ago and he has yet to make it for himself.
My question is am I wrong for refusing to make him dinner? I don't know if it is his ADHD or just his male 50's mentality that thinks it is the women's job to cook.
**He is on medication and seeing a therapist for the last 4 years***