I am sure my story will read like so many others, but last night I was called a "piece of sh?t" by my boyfriend (he is 49 ) because I asked him why he walked out of the room to text or Facebook or something. His daughter was right there and she in only 9 years old. This is from a man that when I met him obviously was in hyper-focus mode, he adored me, can't imagine life without me, loves me like no other, blah blah blah... I He has indicated he thought he has ADHD, but when I said I think he does he denies it and says I am crazy. His son has ADHD and also doctors indicated maybe in the autism spectrum, low end.
This incident was not the first, once he got mad because I was kidding about having tickets to an event, I said oh my don't you have them, he flipped out in public saying you know I gave them to you.. I said of course I have them. There was no way I expected him to cuss me in public then sitting at the event I was so stunned I could not speak because I did not want to cry, so he started yelling at me and said no wonder you have not been re- married because I am crazy he said. This from a man that earlier in that very day said I was amazing, beautiful and professed his undying love for me.
He blames everything on me... I think I am still so shocked at his behavior because he totally wooed me and courted me at first, sending notes, flowers, dropping by little gifts, so adoring that I never believed he would be capable of the things he has done or said to me. I freeze up because I am dumbfounded, it makes me physically ill. He has questioned why I don't have kids saying I must be infertile that is not true... calls me crazy, psycho and once told me I was not smart enough to understand his business. A week earlier he said I was one of the smartest people he knew and he appreciated my input when he talks about his work. I also own a business and have been a respected member of our community.
He was in a bad marriage for 18 years... no love he said for many of those years, she told him she could not stand him, he said he felt like a piece of furniture she put in corner, but he made a lot of money and gave her everything- that part I am sure she liked. No intimacy he said for over 10 years, but he says he never cheated. She still tries to make his life miserable by calling cops, contempt charges, DCF calls etc. The man does love his children, but I have seen him cuss and use words that no parent should say in front of kids. For several months after meeting kids and spending time together the kids said I was the happiest person they knew... they are good to me, very loving.. and I was so happy to know they could see what a family could be, as my boyfriend said they never even saw him hug her or sit on couch as family to watch movies, etc...
My mother has been very ill and I cried at dinner the other night talking about it, what I expected is love and support, instead at the dinner table he said I was over-reacting and to stop crying then he just go mean. He said I was crazy and that he didnt want to be with me and that I held his hand to long at a party we had been to earlier... it was like being in the twilight zone.
I do love him, but I don't like the man he becomes when he snaps... it is like seeing another person. He is now living in my home temporarily and I am afraid he is going to keep taking away my spirit... often times like this morning I look in the mirror and can't see myself anymore. If I don't agree with him he yells, if I talk at the wrong time he is angry, if I don't talk then there is something wrong with me he says...
I have taken a video of him totally blanked out sitting, I actually touched him and he didn't move, its like he goes into a haze.. often times he wakes up next day like nothing happened and each time for me it is whittling away at my spirit.
Looking for support and ideas on how to help. I have learned to walk away, but I can't stand going to bed upset.. I used to wake up every day smiling, hopeful and ready to go because I felt lucky to get a next day and to be healthy and happy.
Thanks for listening