First, some background. Last spring, our diagnosed ADHD son/daughter (recently came out as transgender, but this background also covers the period before that) wanted to be emancipated and to move to another state to live with internet contacts. I feared this was internet grooming. He (at the time) missed a lot of school and wound up failing most of his classes for the final marking period. He also ran away one time after arguing with my wife while I was out of town. The police were involved in looking for him. In September, I took him to a gaming convention. He would not return to the hotel when the convention was done for the day. I wound up filing a missing persons report. He stayed with internet/gaming friends ranging from ages 19 to 26. Later, I heard her (after coming out) tell a counselor that this was "the farthest I have ever gone" sexually. We demanded that she pay us back the money for the trip, but she has continued to refuse to do any work around the house. A week or so later, there was an altercation where she knocked over a chair that hit my undiagnosed ADHD wife and stormed out of the house. Yet another missing persons report. Then we learned that she posted suicidal ideas (including "good bye") on social media. I took her to the ER and she was admitted to a mental health hospital for a few days. Problems with school continued to escalate. I had to pick her up at the police station after she left school during a class. Lots of times not going to school at all. The school insisted that I walk her to the entryway each morning. She has been insisting on getting an online degree. The school systems says this is not possible. Everyone, including me, have pointed out that she does not have the discipline to actually complete the work on her own. She then decided to go to a school/mental health program as an alternative--in the hopes of that leading to online school. They told her that was not possible.
Last night, I was working on an important volunteer project. My computer froze and I lost everything. It took me a long time to get the computer up again. Just after I started over, my wife came down and said I should disconnect the iternent because our teen had lied about not having her computer and was using it past bedtime. She followed downstairs and started yelling and cursing--including, oddly, some homophobic and misogynistic terms. I tried to back up my wife and deescalate the situation at the same time. My wife felt threatened and told her to "find somewhere else to sleep tomorrow night." I tried to explain that this was a bad idea, given the history of running away and police involvement. I said she would regret this. Then things escalated. She says our teen spit on her glasses. Our teen sarcasticallly said that at least my wife had given her one day to leave. Then she told her to get out NOW. I was trying to wrap up the project I was working on (it was due that night) and my wife kept yelling at me. Frequently this would include "How much am I supposed to take," which I understood to refer to my attempt to convince her that kicking her out of the house was not a good idea.
My wife went to pick up something at the store. I texted out parenting coach (and included my wife) about what had happened. She convinced my wife to call the police. (I felt it was necessary to get my wife open to her coming back home before I called the police because it would not work if she just kicked her out again.) Eventually, she posted something on discord about being at a friends house in another town. The police picked her up around 12pm and one of us had to go pick her up. Given how many times I have had to miss work because to deal with things, my wife went and picked her up.
My wife claims she was not yelling at me. The closest thing she would admit was that she yelled in my direction.
This behavior--attacking me when she is mad at the kids--reminds me of the period a few years ago when I feared she had Borderline Personality Disorder and I was seriously thinking about divorce if things did not improve.