Boundaries, fidelity and zero filter


I come to this site in my effort to make sense of things with my fiance who has been diagnosed with ADD. My fiance has said over and over again he has no filter at times and it does get him in hot water at times. Here goes, I finally got to introduce him to one of my sisters a few weeks ago. Following the evening we spent with my sister and her husband my fiance blurts out a few days later, "Your sister is the bomb (he's 47 by the way), she's awesome I am going to fawn all over her when we are around her".  I had to pinch myself to confirm what I had heard out of his mouth and immediately replied " umm..she's got a husband already, be mindful of that, have some respect." Inside though I was crushed ( I was thinking wth? aren't you supposed to be fawning all over your fiance??).  I then replied that his comment bothered me. Immediately he jumped into defensive mode and tried to correct his careless commentary by stating he liked my family that was all he was trying to say and he didn't want to "go there" with me about this exchange we were having.  Then he turns around and says "don't I pay you enough attention?"  I laughed inside (because of the whole out of sight out of mind phenomena I experience with him on a regular basis, which we have talked about before). We had a few more words where I basically said if he had a thing for my older sister he should be man enough to say it ( I felt awful for stooping to his level but I was beyond upset). Then of course he throws back at me (twisting my words) how can I accuse him of fantasizing about my sister when he and I have been intimate?, not at all what I was saying and of course reflecting back, I  wondered if carelessly  he let the cat out of the bag again. So now I feel like I am in a weird spot over this with him and its bothering me to no end. Is this yet another red flag with him?  How on earth can I be around my family with him around and not feel awkward?


He went out of town after this and when he came back he brought me a necklace and did apologize but apart  of me is having a difficult time letting this exchange go,.

I have been on the fence about the relationship for awhile now, I am tired of never being able to resolve any issue that may come up, its like everything has to be swept under the carpet otherwise he feels like he is being criticized and goes on the defense and then turns around and lashes out in a very hurtful way.