I just joined the forum, and I posted this on a thread, but I think I was supposed to start a new topic? So forgive me for repeating (under "Anger") I've been reading these posts, they've been helpful, and I need some perspective. I've been married to my ADHD husband for 2 years. He is kind and loving, and we had a strong relationship, emotionally and physically, though we were struggling with typical issues of trying to avoid a parent/child dynamic. He was diagnosed as an adult about 5 years ago (he's 41) and takes medication. But there were some very hard issues with money. He can't manage basic day to day money issues, which is typical. He had massive student loan debt, IRS debt, etc, and I took care of all of it (I had to refinance my house). When we were on vacation last week I found an email account of his and discovered that he had been on a lot of xxx porn sites and I found email solicitations for whores. I threw up. I couldn't believe it was him. I don't think I'm over the shock. He's the last person anyone would have thought would cheat. It's complicated because he has also just been diagnosed with untreated PTSD from having been with a mountain climbing friend who died (15 years ago). When I confronted him about the emails, he broke down, cried, said that I'm the love of his live, said that he had no intention of following through, that he wanted to go to therapy to work it out. He said the problem is with him, not with me or us. The psychiatrist and therapists say that it's high-risk, self-destructive behavior. I believe that nothing physical happened, but I'm heartbroken, shocked, feel betrayed and repulsed. And used. I know it's that he didn't "think" of it at the time (he also drinks too much and was drinking during 75 or 80% of the emails). But at the same time, how do I ever trust him again? How do I get over the fact that he solicited a whore? I told him that I could have handled a heroin addiction more easily than this. How do I live with someone who is not self aware enough at 41 to control the impulse to do what he did online. I know he has ADHD and complications of guilt from PTSD, but where does responsibility come into it? I've agreed to stay together while he gets into therapy and while I have some therapy (I was having panic attacks). But where does this leave me? 3 weeks ago, if you had asked me if I could live with a man who solicited an online whore, I would have laughed. Now I'm doing that. Is my compassion for him hurting me? I'm waiting for the anger to kick in, but so far I feel compassion for him, shock, and sadness. And I don't know what to do. I'd appreciate any insights. Thanks so much for letting me speak.