I can't believe anything that comes out of H's mouth anymore. And I'm not talking life-altering things, I'm simply talking about him coming up with these great ideas to do something-him, all on his own without a hint from me- to go have fun, and then when the time comes to do them, he has no desire to follow through. I laid in bed and cried last night because I am so tired of these empty promises and knowing when he gets all excited about doing something that I shouldn't get excited because it most likely won’t happen. I even had a dream last night that I left him by sneaking away while he was occupied playing his stupid video game!
Here’s a list of just the past few months of him bringing up stuff to do and then not following through.
- He brought up the idea of going to have wings at this sports bar and watch the game there. I was shocked that he wanted to do that and said “Well it will probably be packed” and he goes “So? We’ve done it before and I could go for some wings”. So I’m looking forward to getting out of the house for a few hours, but sure enough the next morning when I say to him at 11AM if he is still up for going he goes “Well I’m not sure I’m really up for it”. Then at noon says “Well I guess we could go as it’s something to do….or we could just take a nap”. Obviously he didn’t want to go so I told him to go take his nap.
- He’s been excited for months about this movie that just came out last weekend. Couldn’t stop talking about how awesome it’s going to be and a week ago said we’d go see it last weekend. He gets home Friday night and once again says he needs to see what time the movie is playing on Sunday so we can go. Sunday morning we go out for brunch (which is amazing he wanted to do that) and I tell him that I’ll buy brunch and he can by the movie. He sort of hesitates and goes “ok”. We get home around 11:30 and he changes back into his sweats and sits at his computer. I asked him if he checked movie times and he goes “No, I haven’t gotten around to it”. Well I know where this is going. About 1:00 I say “So I assume we aren’t going to the movie then”? He goes “Well lets go tomorrow night instead. It will be a lot less crowded”. Sure. Sure we will. As predicted, I get home from work last night and within 10 seconds he tells me “We aren’t going to go see the movie tonight. We need to save money”. Really? Yesterday you had no problem with us going and spending $45 on brunch when we could just as easily made it at home, but now we can’t spend $20 at a movie? But I know you give all this money to fund this silly video game!
- Back in August I had my company picnic. I asked him 2 weeks prior if he wanted to go and he said “Yes! Sounds like fun”. Then a couple days beforehand I tell him “I need to RSVP so are you going to come?” He hems and haws and goes “Why don’t you just go without me. Last time all we did is just sit around and eat and it was kind of boring and this way you don’t have to drag me around with you”.
- He’s been on me to take my car in for an alignment. He knows how much I HATE doing car stuff because it gives me so much anxiety. I say to him yesterday that I’ll make an appt to get the alignment done and he says “Yeah just take it to this one place and have them take a look at it.” I say “But just have them do the alignment and nothing else, right?” He goes “Well no don’t have them do the alignment. Have them put it up on a lift and see if they can see what that clunking noise is because an alignment won’t do any good if something is wrong underneath”. You TOLD me again and again to take it in for an alignment and now he’s saying “Well no do have them do anything to it, just have them take a look”. Then he proceeds to tell me to have them look at such and such, but not such and such and have them write down such and such. Every damn time I take the car in I end up coming home and having him say “Well why did you let them do that? You should have called me beforehand” or “Why didn’t you tell them to look at this?”. Every time he ends up complaining about what I did or didn’t have done, when he knows exactly what needs to be done and he can deal with mechanics. He finally says that he can take the car in one morning and drop it off on his way to work because there’s a shop ½ mile down the road from his work. I tell him thank you because I just get too worked up dealing with car stuff. He says he’ll take it in this week and just have someone from work pick him up at the shop. Then 15 minutes later he tells me “Well I’ll just take it in next Monday on my day off.” You wanna bet? He doesn’t like to leave the house on his day off and I know I’ll come home that day and he’ll go “Well I never went and took the car up there, but I’ll do it NEXT Monday.” He knows cars, he’s worked on several as a mechanic, but I’ll be damned if he wants to take care of ours. He even told me that he’ll be my car mechanic as long as I buy the necessary parts. But he can’t be bothered to do ANYTHING on his day off because….it’s his day off! Yet on my days off I’m cleaning, running errands, doing yardwork.
- Two Sunday’s from now we are having a football party at our work where all the families are invited and there will be games and drinks and food and then we’ll watch the game on the big screen. I was all excited about this last month but now I don’t even want to ask H if he wants to go because I KNOW he’ll say “Oh that sounds like fun” and the day of he won’t want to go. And I don’t want to go by myself because it’s just awkward to be there alone when everyone else is with their family. If I keep quiet about it and then say the day of “Oh they are having their football party at work today” and H will go “They are? Why didn’t you say something? That would have been fun to go to.”
- He signed up to take a knife skills class at Sur la Table next week. He asked me if I wanted to join him, but I didn’t want to pay $60 to go learn how to use a knife correctly as I have no desire (and you know, we're saving money, which of course didn't apply to that apparently!). At least I told him no and didn’t say “Oh that sounds like fun” and then bail out on the day of! But I bet you anything, he is not going to go to the class. He paid $60 which is non-refundable, but he’ll get off of work and then the LAST thing he’s going to want to do is travel in traffic, sit in a 2 ½ hour class and not get home until 9:30 at night. He’ll want to come home and play his video game. Forget about losing $60!
- Last year his buddy bought him a ticket (which H paid back) to go to a concert with him. He bought the ticket months in advance and of course H was totally on board with going to this “epic” concert. Well the day of the concert he of course had no desire to go so he once again lost a bunch of money because he didn’t want to leave the house.
I’m just so damn tired of being disappointed. I’ve never known anyone who doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Whenever I bring up an idea, it gets knocked down by him that he’d just rather stay home than spend money. Okay you don’t want to spend money, which is a good thing, but there’s no consistency in it. He’ll say that we can’t go to a movie because we need to save money, yet then spend $50/week on lunch because he can’t be bothered to make his own. He’ll go out with the guys after work and spend $50 on booze. He’ll spend hundreds of dollars on these t-shirts and souvenirs for this video game, but then gets all frugal when it involves us going out and doing something. And I know it’s just his way of making an excuse because he doesn’t want to do anything.