I really am at the end of the road and it's affecting my life.
I am a non adhd partner and this is my first post and Indeed my first point if contact for help and advise. I have been with my partner for just 5 months. I am a gay man of 45 years.
I have read through a lot of posts and threads and it has been useful to see the thoughts behind how a non adhd persons reactions can make situations a lot worse. In fact they are destructive.
I am so frustrated and I am becoming terribly depressed. I feel like my relationship is a constant battle. And that my voice and how I feel isn't listened to or considered. I am beginning to understand why after reading through here.
My partner, whom I love to bits, has adhd. From the off with him I have felt that the relationship is very one sided. Missing a lot of the things I take for granted. Such as contact during the day when I know he contacts others, friends and family. Yet he never feels the need to Contact me. Yet if I don't pick up a call from him, he panics and asks why I don't answer. He never shows outwardly that he loves me, I have to ask for a hug when he gets home and it used to be just an awkward pat on the back with no feeling. This is mirrored in Christmas and birthday cards, with typically from ......... as what he writes. He has no bearing of how his actions make me feel and I feel like I'm nagging him, because when I say something to try and make him see how it makes me feel it never sinks in. I know my reaction probably isn't helping. He will say sorry if a problem occurs, but the problem comes up time and time again, when I snap and say that sorry isn't changing the situation - he says that I have to give him time. He is constantly distracted, I try to talk and it can be the simplest distraction , such as fluff on the carpet that breaks his concentration. ...... again this is constant. He can cause the worst argument and then walk around the apartment singing and whistling away, almost carefree. He also lies constantly, not even good lies, and when he's talking to anyone he makes the version of events bigger and grander than they actually are. This is causing trust issues as I don't know whether I am hearing the truth or not. And when I do question him about things he's said, the excuses and further lies are not consistent.
I must admit reading through this website has given me a great deal of understanding to maybe why things are as they are and they have certainly helped me understand that my reactions are making this worse. Please can someone advise me how to improve the situation, how I can help my own sanity and have a happier life with the man I love to bits.