On the way to Easter at his parent's, DH (who "works" from home on his own business) starts telling me about a book he listened to called The 4-hour work week. Oh good, let's try and find a way to do even less work. He starts telling me how this guy finds ways to work and still have adventures and do things. He said he doesn't want to wake up one day to my son being 16 and realizing we have not taken many trips, etc. with the kids. Well, no kidding...do you think I like telling them no to everything b/c we have no money? So I say, well that is great, but just not doable till we pay off debt (like the over 20K in credit card bills). Then, he says I am always negative and the first words out of my mouth are "no". Well, maybe I would be more positive if you brought home more than the $2000 in one year's time from getting fired. He brought up how he is tired of spending his weekends and money on our house. Oh, the foreclosure that you insisted on and I did not want??? The one that needed a lot of work and I had an 18 month old, you worked full time, and I was pregnant??? But, of course, I was negative back then when I voiced my opinion about this house. He even told me how the author used the acronym for adult ADD as Adventure-deficit-disorder (insert eye roll).
The one positive in this is it has made him take a good look at our finances and actually start making steps to contribute.
Then the other day, again, out of the blue, he asks me how my job search is going for teaching jobs for the fall. I told him that not much was posted yet. He asked if I was interested in broadening my search since we aren't tied to this house/town, are we??? I almost cried right there and then out of utter frustration and disbelief. So, in 3-4 months time, you think I can a.) put out resumes and applications all over b.) hopefully interview for jobs c.) hopefully get a job d.) put together a classroom and plan after having been out of the field for 9 years. e.) sell a house that has a billion half-done projects ready to sell e.) Look for a place to live in the new city f.) pack up house g.) all the while parenting our 2 children. Oh sure, piece of cake. He has no where in mind to move...it just popped in his head and he is incapable of thinking through the reality of that.
I just realized that even if he gets treatment, this will be my life...chaos. We will never be settled in this house. He has moved bushes in the yard 3 different times. We had a nice little garden, yet he feels the need to tear it up and double the size (it is only in the tear-up stages). There are buckets/piles of rocks all around our house. After getting the garage cleaned up for DD's birthday last year, he decides on a whim to tear out all the drywall so he can insulate it. You can just guess how that is going (over a year later.) I mean, he will never be content. And yes, I want adventure, but controlled adventure. And I just don't think I will ever have it with him.