Hi all, I'm new here. My husband is in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD. A little background: we've been married 6 years, just had our 2nd child 3 weeks ago. He moved out when I was 3 months pregnant and just moved back in about a month ago (yes, our relationship has gotten that bad) - this was the third time while pregnant that he said that's it, he was leaving. I said fine, leave - my prioirity needs to be safety and stability for me and the kids. I am exhausted from overfunctioning to compensate for his ADHD symptoms. I am emotionally done. Burnt out. He moved back in, but it was not a red carpet, hallmark-move moment. And I'm not convinced our marriage will last. We cohabitate and raise the kids. I'm glad for the forthcoming diagnosis and treatment, but I fear a lot of things:
1) what if it's too little, too late? Can I repair the marriage? What if I don't want to? Does that make me a bad person?
2) once the ADHD gets addressed, what about the other dysfunctional relationship patterns? I fear that the ADHD will be the easy part to address - I fear the rest of the non-ADHD-related dysfunction will be the hard part to change.
3) my parents were divorced when I was a pre-teen. I had (have?) so much anger towards them, I felt orphaned, like they failed me as parents for divorcing. **I don't want to do that to my kids.** How do I get past this to make the best decision for my family? Am I doing them any favors by continuing to invest in a dysfunctional relationship?
Thanks for listening, and for any wisdom you have to share.