Do we both have it?

I am new to this so I will try not to ramble too much. I am definitely an ADHD spouse, but not so much on the 'H'. I was officially diagnosed last september, though I always knew there was something. I guess over the years I just learned on my own to, for the most part, manage the symptoms myself, but could just never get control of the focus part. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and most of it has been pretty rough. We have both said and done mean things, and created a lot of damage to each other. So recently I have started reading some of the books, including ADHD Effect on Marriage, I seem to relate to sooooooo much of the non-ADHD spouse stuff as well. The nagging, and parent-child stuff. Feeling unloved and like he pays no attention to me. I feel like I'm in charge of all the household chores, taking care of the kids, and I go to school. A very difficult school. I know that I can't do this all myself, i ask and ask for his help, and he will start helping out more, but it never lasts. on his days off I will do all the cleaning and vacuuming and everything the day before, and say all I really need him to do is just some laundry while I'm at school. Then, when I get out of school, I call to let him know I'm on my way, and when I get home, he'll have just started laundry when I called, kids are still in their pajamas, my son stayed home from school for some reason or another, and our apartments a mess. And, of course, this usually leads to an argument. He has been to therapy, and told they don't think it is ADHD, just that he needs more sleep (he works nights, so this makes it all worse), so we spent every extra penny we had to put the kids in daycare so he could get more sleep. After about a month and a half of 10+ hours of sleep a day for him, nothing changed. Could this be he has ADHD also? Did he just get tired of dealing with me so he shut down? We have been to couples therapy/counseling before, and it seems we (including the therapist) either spend sessions blaming me for everything, blaming him for everything, or the therapist looks at us with this "oh $h!t, what do i do?" look on their face. so, he wants to try again, and I don't really want to, but we have an appointment made, by him, and with no acknowledgment of my fear/apprehension of going again. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this 'reversal' of symptoms as well. Something else that struck me too, while reading through some other posts I came across some about hyper focus on porn, and this is a problem we have always dealt with. Now, I have no problem really with adult materials, but he will sit on the computer for hours, and just look at picture after picture after picture, then he copies the pictures and just stores them, hundreds! Well, I guess I should stop typing now, i think this came out a bit more complain-y than I meant.