To either Dr. Hallowell or Mrs Orlov...Coping mechanisms...

Good day Doctors.

I'm the non ADDer in this relationship.  I've searched this website and forum and other places to learn "coping mechanisms", but to no avail.   I really need to hear back with real and effective ways of coping, to help prevent flashpoints.

I had found a website that explains the seven most common flashpoints for spouses of ADDers.   It is located at this website:

That website and this one portray very well some of the pervasive complaints from spouses of ADDers.   But it does not provide any help for those married to them.   I don't want to give up as so many others have but unless one learns how to effectively deal with this, what choice do we have?   My own doctor asked me if I have a martyr complec for staying.  I responded that I love my wife.   But how far will love go without proper coping system in place ?

I look forward to real and proven ways of coping.   Thank you to all who take the time to respond, it is appreciated.