emotional overload

"Blaming or making rigid demands on others, the world and one’s self is the core of most emotional problems. Also we waste a lot of time waiting for the world to meet our demands.  We have to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it were."

I got this statement from a book called SOS Help for Emotions.  My boyfriend is ADD and sometimes I find myself having negative self talk that escalates into a lot of negative, nonproductive emotion.  The author says that we might find situations annoying but then stop and analyze what we can do about it rather than getting filled with emotion  This emotional overload accomplishes nothing except anxiety, anger and depression.  I think that I might be contributing a great deal to my own stress by my negative self talk.  I rigidly expect him to do things in a certain way and when he doesn't I start telling myself that I can't stand it, he has to stop this behavior, and if he cared about me he'd be different. 

Maybe I am my own worse enemy and maybe there is some helpful advice out there to help me curb this tendency.  I do think that it is okay to feel annoyed, but I really don't like the overwhelm I experience.  It dranes me, ruins my day and wastes a lot of my time.