Dear Melissa & Ned,i
It seems to me that the crucial first step to be able to communicating in a 'validating' manner, is to put oneself in the other's shoes for the moment, even if it is a close relationship like with your spouse. And, this needs to occur in both partners.
Then, all the rest will follow naturally, like first, truly acknowledging the other's thoughts, opinions etc. stemming from the other person's values, which in itself is a huge deal! Should this other person happen to be a really close relation, why it gets even more subjective because unawares, we are half hearing their talk as pronouncements on our values.
Thus, in human communications, there are deeper psychological issues that ADHD or ADD stem from, wouldn't you say?!
Neither my husband nor I, have been diagnosed with this disorder but I tend to believe that ALL human beings are a bit 'Attention Deficient,' and quite a bit mentally distracted unfortunately more so when communicating verbally (with tell-tale) body-language) with a spouse!
These sinful distractors would be, simultaneous and constant self-talk and self-interpretations occurring internally in both partners.