One of the best feelings in the world is knowing your presence and absence both mean something to someone.

So, given that, it seems H has from the beginning not noticed or cared about my presence or absence, even that my absence is preferable to H, doesn't that mean that I should go? I feel like I have been ignored for over 40 years.  That has done a number on my ego and confidence.

Given that I have come lately to defensively ignore H and have a difficult time having him near, doesn't that mean that I should go?

It doesn't MEAN anything other than that is the way it is between us.  What keeps us together?  Economics. Lack of options. Fear of change. Lack of fortitude and physical energy. The habit of being stuck. The habit of bashing what I fear rather than the habit of promoting what I love.

 Today is all about promoting what I love.  I love music, art, warm breezes, color, sky, nature, good friends, children, grandchildren, my business, home, neighbors, good food and drink with friends, good movies, the dog.

That is where I am today. Thanks for bearing witness to my ramblings.