fight with add husband

I have never posted before…...husband self diagnosed add and went and got on meds after our kids were born. Unfortunately his prescribing and treating Dr did not tell him to discuss it with me and or the impact add likely had on our marriage. It would have explained and helped a lot. Instead trust continued to break down (lies little ones and big ones about amt of money he made and now he is broke and I have 100% of the financial burden of mortgage and all bills and food and Nanny and kids etc with no notice and tough with only my salary and going into savings each month and I had no notice this was coming) small lies he dips and hides it and when we are out with kids if “too much time has gone by” he gets irritable short with kids and picks a fight with me and I get drawn in too) but if I say anything about dipping and the fact he said he stopped and did not another lie . Albeit small. The broken promises endless on finishing projects started and financial contributions through the years he promises and when time comes to do it “it is out of hos control” another job pay reduction or bad times….he is a great Dad but non financial contributions to the marriage as far as planning date nights (I agree to pay for nanny and night out and simply ask him to plan it ) doesn’t happen and reconnection if not planned : is void.  Long way to get to fight and question. We avoid all of these subjects lately bc just cause a fight. Last night sat night kids to bed I was talking to him and again no eye contact from him. Then instead of taking advantage of time to chat and reconnect he wants to either state at tv together. If not tv together he is staring at his phone or computer or making a fire you name it but anything other than focusing on us looking at each other talking. I had a drink before bed and he waits to have a few drinks each night alone until after I am asleep. That is not even a fun reconnection time.  I am so sad and lonely and i t just no longer feels like a marriage. How do you get trust and reconnection back or is it impossible with the past of add life. I found a seminar and books on add and have done a ton on that end too. I just feel like I have given    so much and I don’t see the same from him. It is hard to keep trying but for my two little boys. I am hopeless and looking for advice? - See more at: