I haven't been on here much but I'm just seeing if anyone might be in a similar boat. I figured out my husband had ADHD and he was diagnosed almost a year ago. He was put on Vyvanse which helped him a lot. He can stay awake and alert and control his focus better now. But it didn't fix everything. The work I kept trying to put into our communication wasn't making a dent. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't understanding a bit of my feelings or how to listen or able to meet my emotional needs. I was feeling more and more stressed at our interactions and his inability to figure things out.
I finally found an ADHD counselor but he was odd himself and just ended up talking about himself a lot. In one of the rare moments when he did listen, he said the words that changed everything for me. He said what was going on with my husband was Aspergers. This hit me like a ton of bricks. It's not something you just mention and move on from. That was our last appointment with that counselor. But then I asked my husband what he thought and he acknowledged he does have similar traits. We knew a bit of it from a couple of books he read where he finally related to the characters(Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night and The Rosie Project). And we had talked about it a bit as he's been honest about his difficulties but I just couldn't believe he had it. Until this time. I researched the heck out of AS marriages and my life was finally explained. My husband was finally explained. We found out in April and have now found an AS counselor who's a godsend. I grieved and cried and grieved some more for a few months but I'm finally coming to the side of acceptance now. His ADHD makes life difficult with remembering things and schedules and timing but his AS intensifies that and everything else. It's hard but it makes sense. The most healing part is I now know I am not crazy. I have a ways to go to get back to a healthy me but at least I see the possibility now. I have the help now. I have the answer now.
I will never have the marriage I wanted. I'm glad I know for certain and can learn to accept that. I will be hurt by lots of things but at least I know what is hurting me now. We have a long road to a healthy marriage but it's slowly improving finally now. Every month I can actually see progress and it's a glorious thing!
Has anyone else discovered their ADHD husband also has AS?