Yesterday I got irritated with my husband. We had alot to get done, and he spend most of the day on FB and watching TV news (I get it - post election stuff etc). But I was swamped at work, and felt like he wasnt doing his part. So I was getting really frustrated with him. I finally had to ask him if he planned to get some of the stuff taken care of and he got a little annoyed with me. I was clearly irritated when I spoke to him, so his reaction was expected. I didnt care though because I just had too much on my plate and he had committed to managing some of the tasks. After a few minutes, I thought about it and realized that I had probabaly come off as pretty harsh. So I apologized to him for coming off that way, that I was under pressure and should not have acted in that way. I explained to him that I knew he was adjusting to his schedule but that I needed his help with things still. He smiled and said he totally understood, and that he would work on it.
This morning, I again got a bit frustrated with my husband. It has started to feel like I have to nag him to get things done (that he had been doing as part of his outstanding new habits and changes he made - especially after our talk yesterday). I knew that it would take a while for him to get into the swing of his new job, but its been 2 months. He has fallen back on some of his old bad habits and has been slipping into doing things half assed again. While I have been trying to pick up the slack until he could get a hold of his routine, it just seemed like instead of getting better it was getting a bit worse. And then when we had such a good interaction on things yesterday, this morning it kinda bugged me that it seemed almost like it didnt matter (it DID, its just that I was tired from not sleeping well, had bad dreams all night, and feeling pressure from what I had to get done today on top of feeling like crap for AGAIN eating bad last night because I was just so dammed tired. NONE of that is his fault, its my own issues, and I was letting it fuel my frustration).
So today, when I saw the big stew pot that he was supposed to have washed 3 days ago still on the stove, getting stinkier... and the counter top gross with grease and food again (after I had scrubbed it earlier) my frustration level got a bit high and I wanted to get onto him about it. But I didnt want to follow the same pattern we have had over the years that SUCKED. So I was trying to just suck it up and figure out the best way to deal. I walked by him and he said I looked angry, and I said I wasnt and went to go get my coffee (it wasnt really a lie, I am not angry, just frustrated and at that moment I felt like it was pointless to even bother or try). But then I realized, that to break the pattern I just needed to be honest with how I felt (and not react with that frustration like I did yesterday). So I turned around and told him that I wasnt angry but that I was frustrated about the pot. And he at first looked like he was going to be annoyed, but then he looked at me and said you are right, I dont know why I didnt take care of it, smiled and said he would deal with it. That was great! So I wanted to explain why the frustration was there, since truly it wasnt just the pot. That was just a symptom of the deeper problem. So i told him that it wasnt just the pot, it was that I felt like I was having to start asking him to do the things he should be doing again - like how things were before he made such a significant change.
Every day off he has had since he started working has turned into him loosing focus and not doing the things he committed to which has fed this. Again, I took that as him trying to adjust to his new schedule. I do think he needs to do a little better, but he is reacting in a positive way when *I* am not attacking. I hope that I am on the right track here. I am trying to help him and build him up, and him being lazy and slacking isnt going to do him ANY good and it certainly will make my life alot more miserable.
I hope that I did this right.