HELP!! ADHD hubby and autistic son!!

Hello there, I'm new to the site... but not a stranger to ADD/ADHD.  I've been just coming to a point of pure exhaustion on top of becoming an mean mommy and nagging wife.  I read many of the forums and blogs and thought i would throw my nickles and dimes in....

I presently am married to an ADHD man, and have a 7yo son with autism from my previous relationship.  Talk about a never-ending pile that is always somewhere, whether it be dishes,clothes,etc...No one helps around the house with the chores.  It falls on me or it would just not get done.  And lately, I can just feel the constant resentment building up that I feel for my hub....If i just let things sit there, I feel myself going mad, but doing the work anyway. 

When we first got together, the bliss was there, a sex life, but he was also a driver for a trucking company that required him to be gone for 2 weeks at a time.  So in other words, I had no idea of what was to come when we decided that he should get a local job.  I wished I never had agreed. Things were so much more tolerable before. I had adapted to dealing with the autism of my son, but nothing prepared me for the miserable road ahead.

My son already had required A LOT of energy to care for, and then having to constantly pick up after a grown man!!!!  He has already been diagnosed as a child and as an adult with adhd, but is currently taking NO medication.  And then when he gave up smoking....WOW. My head has been spinning ever since. And too, I've had to face my own skeletons(sexually abused as a child and then the rejection i got from my immediate family when i told them about it-25 years later). And my husband was supportive, but not like i need him to be.  I'll tell him things, only to be forgotten later or interrupted by a story about himself!!!

I've been so emotionally drained.  And i just stay completely angry and distant now from my husband.  Is it too much to ask for a shoulder and him listen to me rather him turning the matter into or about himself????? And then there is no sexual drive or desire.  I will find a reason to not go somewhere or do something, because trying to even get out the door takes 30 min (the losing of the keys,wallet,phone,hat or whatever.  And of course if i do give in and go out, I don't really enjoy myself because of all the work it takes to do so.

Among the regular issues of my hub not helping around the house, inability to manage money, narrow-mindedness, repeating myself, reminding, listening to the same stories or comments made previously about something, the passive aggressive behavior, child-like behavior(slurps, smacks,fidgets, blurts and interupptions) and self-centered(ness), I feel like my 7 yo behaves better than he does!!

Someone please help me....what exactly is this loving-detachment I read about and how do i go about doing so?? It seems to make sense....sorry if i don't.

Thanks to all.