HELP! It's the usual clear as mud communication!

I am really hoping for some input here.  My ADHD husband has built not a wall, but a brick fortress up to me, and I have tried everything I know to penetrate that fortress and try to rebuild our relationship.

After reading the ADHD Effect, I really tried to change.  I stopped being demanding (at least I think I did), I quit nagging and would be really sweet to him, I mean I really tried my hardest to change.  All this did was cause him to stay gone from me more and more and more.  

So, okay, this was probably a mistake, but I asked my husband the other night why he did not seem to want to work on our marriage.  He said that is a good question.  I will write my answer to you.  I did react to that because I honestly felt like it was going to be another expression of the multitude of ways I had wounded him through the years and all the things I had done wrong in the marriage, and honestly I had taken that on two occasions, swallowed my pride, did not defend myself, and listened.  I cried, we hugged, and I asked him to forgive me and nothing changed.  He kept spending more and more and more time away from me.  So when I reacted at being told he would write me a letter and let me know why he does not want to work on the marriage, he proceeded to tell me that I was obviously not ready to hear what he had to say.  

I was further informed that he had repeatedly told me what he needed, and that until I am ready to seriously deal with MY issues, he is not willing to move forward to work on the marriage.

I was completely baffled.  I am wracking my brain to try to remember him ever telling me what he needs from me.  He claims I do not care how I express myself or that it wounds him in spite of the fact that he has told me repeatedly what I am doing wrong and I just won't listen.  I am totally dumbfounded!

Is there a cognitive problem with someone with ADHD?  Because as God is my witness I have no clue what he is talking about.  So I am charged with fixing a problem in me when I do not even know what the problem is as he perceives it.  But until I do it, we will not move forward in our marriage.

I am just lost here.  Can anyone help?